Prussian Blue street
headlights, horns,
stiletto heels
clipping down stairs,
a small basement club
where pink neon shapes
moods we fall into,
blushes your cheeks,
your hands
as we order Rioja,
eat crumbled cheese,
wafers of rye.
And music, played
by a young Asian artist,
silver sax rolling,
narrow bow-tie,
coke bottle glasses,
the. melding Beatles and Getz,
makes my words
easy to find,
express my obsession
with Rothko and Worhol,
a fresh painted canvas
with both our hues mingled
and differing ages.
Fusions
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- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Fusions
I really like this atmosphere you have created. Well done! These lines are fabulous:
stiletto heels
clipping down stairs,
a small basement club
where pink neon shapes
moods we fall into,
stiletto heels
clipping down stairs,
a small basement club
where pink neon shapes
moods we fall into,
Re: Fusions
I agree, there is tremendous atmosphere in this beautiful poem. I would only question whether you need 'And' at the beginning of Stanza 3 - but I am nit picking as I can find nothing to crit.
Eira
Eira
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- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: Fusions
Perhaps the title need not be so obvious.
Re: Fusions
Thanks Bob.
Thanks Capricorn, you have me thinking about the ‘And’
Thanks Siva, I’ll think some on the title.
Thanks Capricorn, you have me thinking about the ‘And’
Thanks Siva, I’ll think some on the title.
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Fusions
Hi Dale
I find "Fusions" to be an apt title for this atmospheric list poem
A workshop share for the last -
differing ages
delivering a canvas al fresco
with the mingling of our hues
Michael (MV)
I find "Fusions" to be an apt title for this atmospheric list poem
A workshop share for the last -
differing ages
delivering a canvas al fresco
with the mingling of our hues
Michael (MV)
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- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: Fusions
I agree with Michael.The title fits. The workshop is also good. Sort of sums up.
Siva
Siva