The River Merchant
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The River Merchant
v2:
The River Merchant
Sitting outside,
my dear wife visiting a sick friend
in Ku-to-yen, I will have to settle for the sight
of a waterfall in the distance
combing her gray hair in the dusk.
How I took my wife's voice for granted...
the days grow slower than moss without her.
Now there is only the river,
grumbling as another heron
studies its reflection.
Water swirls around a boulder,
moves on to the next one.
Bats stream from a cave somewhere,
as straggler bees one by one
turn towards home,
like horses from their meadow.
I am unbridled, able to wander
into any field,
but without a warm voice to return to
I have no urge to roam.
A family of monkeys chatters
in the trees. They are loud
as if they have been eating
fermented fruit. I raise
a wine cup, to share
in their good
fortune.
v1:
A Chinese Poet Awaits his Wife's Return
Sitting outside,
my dear wife visiting a sick friend,
I will have to settle for the sight
of a waterfall in the distance
combing her gray hair in the dusk.
How I took my wife's voice for granted...
Now there is only the river below,
grumbling as another heron
studies its reflection.
Water swirls around a boulder,
moves on to the next one.
Bats stream from a cave somewhere,
as straggler bees one by one
turn towards home,
like horses from their meadow.
I am unbridled, able to wander
into any field,
but without a warm voice to return to
I have no urge to roam.
A family of monkeys chatters
in the trees. They are loud
as if they have been eating
fermented fruit. I raise
a wine cup, to share
in their good
fortune.
The River Merchant
Sitting outside,
my dear wife visiting a sick friend
in Ku-to-yen, I will have to settle for the sight
of a waterfall in the distance
combing her gray hair in the dusk.
How I took my wife's voice for granted...
the days grow slower than moss without her.
Now there is only the river,
grumbling as another heron
studies its reflection.
Water swirls around a boulder,
moves on to the next one.
Bats stream from a cave somewhere,
as straggler bees one by one
turn towards home,
like horses from their meadow.
I am unbridled, able to wander
into any field,
but without a warm voice to return to
I have no urge to roam.
A family of monkeys chatters
in the trees. They are loud
as if they have been eating
fermented fruit. I raise
a wine cup, to share
in their good
fortune.
v1:
A Chinese Poet Awaits his Wife's Return
Sitting outside,
my dear wife visiting a sick friend,
I will have to settle for the sight
of a waterfall in the distance
combing her gray hair in the dusk.
How I took my wife's voice for granted...
Now there is only the river below,
grumbling as another heron
studies its reflection.
Water swirls around a boulder,
moves on to the next one.
Bats stream from a cave somewhere,
as straggler bees one by one
turn towards home,
like horses from their meadow.
I am unbridled, able to wander
into any field,
but without a warm voice to return to
I have no urge to roam.
A family of monkeys chatters
in the trees. They are loud
as if they have been eating
fermented fruit. I raise
a wine cup, to share
in their good
fortune.
Re: A Chinese Poet Awaits his Wife's Return
A very sweet poem.
The subtle expressions of longing runs through the poem.
The last line
I raise
a wine cup, to share
in their good
fortune.
is appealing.
The subtle expressions of longing runs through the poem.
The last line
I raise
a wine cup, to share
in their good
fortune.
is appealing.
meenas17
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Re: A Chinese Poet Awaits his Wife's Return
Thanks, Meena...
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Re: A Chinese Poet Awaits his Wife's Return
It is sweet, lots of detail, nature.
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Re: A Chinese Poet Awaits his Wife's Return
Appreciate the comment, Frank
Re: A Chinese Poet Awaits his Wife's Return
I love the details in this, Bob and there are many lines to like
I love the river grumbling ( but perhaps going about its business is a bit cliché? I don't know, I can't keep up with everything that's cliché these days)
Water swirls around one boulder,
moves on to the next one.
Bats stream from a cave somewhere,
as bees one by one
You seem to have used quite a few one's in these 4 lines. Perhaps delete the one at the end of L2 and/or last line 'as bees in succession turn towards home'
Love the ending - sharing the good fortune of the monkeys. Brilliant!
Eira
I love the river grumbling ( but perhaps going about its business is a bit cliché? I don't know, I can't keep up with everything that's cliché these days)
Water swirls around one boulder,
moves on to the next one.
Bats stream from a cave somewhere,
as bees one by one
You seem to have used quite a few one's in these 4 lines. Perhaps delete the one at the end of L2 and/or last line 'as bees in succession turn towards home'
Love the ending - sharing the good fortune of the monkeys. Brilliant!
Eira
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Re: A Chinese Poet Awaits his Wife's Return
Esp like b/c I am able to relate to:
"I am unbridled, able to wander
into any field,
but without a warm voice to return to
I have no urge to travel."
^^ like your phrasing; yet workshop sharing
roam for "travel"
Bob, wonderful/comforting to read your poem this Epiphany Sunday evening - since someone close received the Miracle Lift, there is still a phantomness to my evenings, esp Sundays - and that was 5.5 years ago - yet now that she lives on light years before me, there is a closeness that could never be achieved & experienced before, while temporal.
I believe that is what happens, becomes possible when we are freed from the finite -
The Divine Exodus - Our Father's providence
for us all
every one
Michael, son-song of Virginia Ruth
I continue on
as her strong
torch song
"I am unbridled, able to wander
into any field,
but without a warm voice to return to
I have no urge to travel."
^^ like your phrasing; yet workshop sharing
roam for "travel"
Bob, wonderful/comforting to read your poem this Epiphany Sunday evening - since someone close received the Miracle Lift, there is still a phantomness to my evenings, esp Sundays - and that was 5.5 years ago - yet now that she lives on light years before me, there is a closeness that could never be achieved & experienced before, while temporal.
I believe that is what happens, becomes possible when we are freed from the finite -
The Divine Exodus - Our Father's providence
for us all
every one
Michael, son-song of Virginia Ruth
I continue on
as her strong
torch song
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Re: A Chinese Poet Awaits his Wife's Return
Agree with Michael with his suggestion that
'roam' is far more interesting than 'travel'
and tells a story all on it own.
'roam' is far more interesting than 'travel'
and tells a story all on it own.
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Re: A Chinese Poet Awaits his Wife's Return
Capricorn, Michael - thank you for your advice. I'll tweak my poem.
Frank - thanks for confirming....
Frank - thanks for confirming....
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Re: A Chinese Poet Awaits his Wife's Return
This, one did not hit for me , Bob. You set your own standard by mastering a topic or theme, that you cannot top yourself
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Re: A Chinese Poet Awaits his Wife's Return
Hi Ken, I'm so glad to see you back. I hope you're healthy...I saw the hospital remark....anyway, great to see you writing again!
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Re: A Chinese Poet Awaits his Wife's Return
A couple people have suggested that I change the title, to take away the "A Chinese Poet" part...what do you think?
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Re: A Chinese Poet Awaits his Wife's Return
Hi Bob,
The subject doesn't necessarily need to be "a Chinese Poet."
Awaiting His Wife's Return
He Waits for Her Return
Ironically - and I meant to add this sooner - from the first time I read your poem here, I immediately associated a poem by American-Chinese poet, Li-Young Lee:
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/ ... he-morning
Michael (MV)
The subject doesn't necessarily need to be "a Chinese Poet."
Awaiting His Wife's Return
He Waits for Her Return
Ironically - and I meant to add this sooner - from the first time I read your poem here, I immediately associated a poem by American-Chinese poet, Li-Young Lee:
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/ ... he-morning
Michael (MV)
BobBradshaw wrote: ↑16 Jan 2019, 21:23A couple people have suggested that I change the title, to take away the "A Chinese Poet" part...what do you think?
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Re: A Chinese Poet Awaits his Wife's Return
A Poet Writing of his Wife's Return.
A Poet Awaiting his Wife's Return.
A Poet Awaiting his Wife's Return.
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Re: The River Merchant
I have changed the title and tweaked the poem. Someone mentioned Pound's poem "The River Merchant's Wife", one of my favorite poems. Anyway...let me know....thx
Re: The River Merchant
I like the new title, Bob, Like the conciseness. I also like the revision - these lines
my dear wife visiting a sick friend
in Ku-to-yen,
the mention of where her sick friend lives seems to add depth to this stanza, somehow.
Eira
my dear wife visiting a sick friend
in Ku-to-yen,
the mention of where her sick friend lives seems to add depth to this stanza, somehow.
Eira
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Re: The River Merchant
Frank, Eira - thank you for your input... appreciated
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Re: The River Merchant
Yes, the river side village name sets the scene and place well.
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- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: The River Merchant
I rather prefer: A family of monkeys chatter in the trees.
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- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: The River Merchant
I rather prefer: A family of monkeys chatter in the trees.