My Mother's Flashbacks
My Mother's Flashbacks
Flashbacks
I saw your father last night
Two years have passed
since his demise shook me,
waves radiating from my epicentre.
In the aftershock, I whispered to her
of his slipping away, but she was lost
in a mass of tangles.
Aw - he looked so handsome
He wore a flat cap in winter
to warm his shiny pate.
Now, it rests at the back
of my reminiscence drawer
with her dragonfly brooch
and snapshots of their life.
Their wedding photo, eyes smile, lips
say Cheese. His dark waves intact, yes,
he was handsome, her unending heartthrob.
I think he might take me back
When their marriage fractured, a tug of war
stretched me until I split into pieces.
Although middle-aged, I was a child.
He embraced a new wife for twelve years.
Even if his life had extended, he could not
- would not return to her empty arms.
He gave me a beautiful brooch
Her smile was wide -
unaware the broken butterfly would
not settle on her breast again.
I saw your father last night
Two years have passed
since his demise shook me,
waves radiating from my epicentre.
In the aftershock, I whispered to her
of his slipping away, but she was lost
in a mass of tangles.
Aw - he looked so handsome
He wore a flat cap in winter
to warm his shiny pate.
Now, it rests at the back
of my reminiscence drawer
with her dragonfly brooch
and snapshots of their life.
Their wedding photo, eyes smile, lips
say Cheese. His dark waves intact, yes,
he was handsome, her unending heartthrob.
I think he might take me back
When their marriage fractured, a tug of war
stretched me until I split into pieces.
Although middle-aged, I was a child.
He embraced a new wife for twelve years.
Even if his life had extended, he could not
- would not return to her empty arms.
He gave me a beautiful brooch
Her smile was wide -
unaware the broken butterfly would
not settle on her breast again.
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Re: My Mother's Flashbacks
Well Writer Block is on a roll this month
some marvellous poems from all members.
This has lots of ambition
to winkle out every nuance of meaning
and feeling in this tale of infidelity
and the pain to those closest.
No nits, although I wonder if you really need 'shook me' in L2
I Like the implied conversation between the stanzas.
some marvellous poems from all members.
This has lots of ambition
to winkle out every nuance of meaning
and feeling in this tale of infidelity
and the pain to those closest.
No nits, although I wonder if you really need 'shook me' in L2
I Like the implied conversation between the stanzas.
Re: My Mother's Flashbacks
The poem is an echo of the hurt.
The one liners enhance the pathos.
The love, for the man who divorced her and married another, is well portrayed.
I did feel the hurt and suffering your mom had.
Emotional!
The one liners enhance the pathos.
The love, for the man who divorced her and married another, is well portrayed.
I did feel the hurt and suffering your mom had.
Emotional!
meenas17
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- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: My Mother's Flashbacks
Gorgeous writing....everything works ....great last 2 lines
unaware the broken butterfly would
not settle on her breast again.
unaware the broken butterfly would
not settle on her breast again.
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: My Mother's Flashbacks
empathy in the flashback
the italicized infrastructure is seamless and emotionally fracturing
like a split (divorced) screen
technique effectively in service to the familia trauma
Michael (MV)
the italicized infrastructure is seamless and emotionally fracturing
like a split (divorced) screen
technique effectively in service to the familia trauma
Michael (MV)
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- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: My Mother's Flashbacks
This is a poem whose power is muted, yet evident through the use of good poetics. I have one nit
Two years have passed
since his demise shook me,
waves radiating from my epicentre.
In the aftershock,
I think this earthquakes analogy doesn't fit with the balance of the poem and is stale by comparison.
The poem is gentle and the above kind of clashes.
Just my opinion
Two years have passed
since his demise shook me,
waves radiating from my epicentre.
In the aftershock,
I think this earthquakes analogy doesn't fit with the balance of the poem and is stale by comparison.
The poem is gentle and the above kind of clashes.
Just my opinion
Re: My Mother's Flashbacks
Thanks Frank. I wrote this some time ago when my mother had Alzheimer's. I thought I'd give it a tidy up. I could well do without 'shook me' - will think on that.FranktheFrank wrote: ↑21 May 2019, 10:42Well Writer Block is on a roll this month
some marvellous poems from all members.
This has lots of ambition
to winkle out every nuance of meaning
and feeling in this tale of infidelity
and the pain to those closest.
No nits, although I wonder if you really need 'shook me' in L2
I Like the implied conversation between the stanzas.
Eira
Re: My Mother's Flashbacks
Thanks Bob - your opinion means a lot to me.BobBradshaw wrote: ↑21 May 2019, 20:25Gorgeous writing....everything works ....great last 2 lines
unaware the broken butterfly would
not settle on her breast again.
Eira
Re: My Mother's Flashbacks
Thanks Michael,Michael (MV) wrote: ↑22 May 2019, 04:08empathy in the flashback
the italicized infrastructure is seamless and emotionally fracturing
like a split (divorced) screen
technique effectively in service to the familia trauma
Michael (MV)
I'm glad the italicized words work for you.
Eira
Re: My Mother's Flashbacks
Thanks for your honest opinion, Ken - I'll give that area some thought.Kenneth2816 wrote: ↑23 May 2019, 11:12This is a poem whose power is muted, yet evident through the use of good poetics. I have one nit
Two years have passed
since his demise shook me,
waves radiating from my epicentre.
In the aftershock,
I think this earthquakes analogy doesn't fit with the balance of the poem and is stale by comparison.
The poem is gentle and the above kind of clashes.
Just my opinion
Eira
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: My Mother's Flashbacks
Hi Eira,
a devastating & disruptive experience; the figure of the quake Is effective.
Subtly referred back to with the image "waves":
" . . His dark waves were intact
- yes, he was handsome."
^^ unconditionsl workshop-share as:
. . His dark waves intact - yes, he was
her unending handsome heartthrob.
or
. . His dark waves intact - yes, he was
handsome - her unending heartthrob.
^^ ultimately, it's the vibes from "heartthrob"
that I'm suggesting
Michael (MV)
a devastating & disruptive experience; the figure of the quake Is effective.
Subtly referred back to with the image "waves":
" . . His dark waves were intact
- yes, he was handsome."
^^ unconditionsl workshop-share as:
. . His dark waves intact - yes, he was
her unending handsome heartthrob.
or
. . His dark waves intact - yes, he was
handsome - her unending heartthrob.
^^ ultimately, it's the vibes from "heartthrob"
that I'm suggesting
Michael (MV)
Re: My Mother's Flashbacks
Thanks Michael - that's a big help.
Eira
Eira
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57