Michelangelo's David

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Kenneth2816
Posts: 1048
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Michelangelo's David

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 20 Jun 2019, 12:13

Risking prison, the artist dissected
A corpse to understand the mechanics
of sinew, muscle and tendon .

Body flawless in Cararra marble,
five hundred years he has suffered
the indignity of uncircumcision,
the shepherd king with sling and stone.

In youth. I backed down a giant
or two, could turn the gaze of
fair women in the moonlight.

At sixty six, she forgives my paucity,
the bad knees, my middling paunch.

Her fingers trace the surgical
scars as a palmist would
divine my personal history:

The wife I drove away through
drinking and infidelity, the love
I withheld in ignorance, the children
who don't forgive and withhold
their own children from me.

Beside her in bed, I close my eyes ,wonder
how she can stomach the feel of me;
a body of old stone that smells
too strongly of cigarettes and whiskey.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1279
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: After a Documentary on Michelangelo's David

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Jun 2019, 20:26

Another gem! I love your writing. These lines, just stupendous:

Her fingers trace the surgical
scars as a palmist would
divine my personal history;

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1048
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: After a Documentary on Michelangelo's David

#3 Post by Kenneth2816 » 20 Jun 2019, 21:01

Thanks Bob. I appreciate your support. You should watch that documentary. It took 40 men to move the statue through the streets

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1279
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: After a Documentary on Michelangelo's David

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Jun 2019, 22:18

Where is the documentary? Youtube?

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1048
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: After a Documentary on Michelangelo's David

#5 Post by Kenneth2816 » 20 Jun 2019, 23:34

Yes

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1048
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: After a Documentary on Michelangelo's David

#6 Post by Kenneth2816 » 20 Jun 2019, 23:35

You could write one of you persona poems about him

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1547
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: After a Documentary on Michelangelo's David

#7 Post by Michael (MV) » 21 Jun 2019, 00:10

 
Hi Kenneth,

I find the 1st stanza not necessary at all to this poem.

Then open as, and workshop include "Carrara"

Fifteen feet tall, it is perfect as if
God Himself made it, flawless
in unblemished white Carrara marble,


I also workshop encourage you to consider

It is one the most life like
sculptures in the history of mankind, as if

for

It is the most life like
sculpture in human history, as if

^^ did the documentary actually say that?

^^ I share my suggestion, b/c in the history of Art, there are actually others sculptures in that league along with Michelangelo.
Maybe until that time there had not been any known quite as life-like, Even his first masterpiece in 1499, The Pietà, is life-like,
("balances the Renaissance ideals of classical beauty with naturalism").

albeit:

"The figures are quite out of proportion, owing to the difficulty of depicting a fully-grown man cradled full-length in a woman's lap. Much of Mary's body is concealed by her monumental drapery, and the relationship of the figures appears quite natural."

I admire how you move from the narrative of someone else to your memoir - the metaphorical leap & link.

So Michelangelo & his David are inspirational to you - You, the poet, found inspiration in Michelangelo's creativity.

Creativity is contagious - Genius is catching because it is freeing - like Michelangelo's process of sculpting is freeing,
a release of the image from the stone - the sword from the stone - the chisel becomes the sword that frees from the marble stone.

from rigor mortis(the stone) to the flesh alive - like raising the dead


Your poem is a product of the ekphrastic process - one creativity, the sculpture, generating another, your poem -
more life is created


8)

Michael (MV)

 
 
 
 

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1500
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: After a Documentary on Michelangelo's David

#8 Post by FranktheFrank » 21 Jun 2019, 00:18

I think you could keep S1, but maybe dispence with
Before picking up a hammer,
Agree with Michael there are equally as good statues around
from antiquity, nevertheless he was a genius (Michelangelo).

Michelangelo actually bought a flawed slab of granite,
it had a split from the centre up to the mid portion
and was difficult for the masons to sell, so he got it cheaper.
It was his genius that made it perfect hence the splayed legs
of David. His genius made it perfect because he designed David
around the material he had, not what he wanted.

The Maori carver in wood always leaves an imperfection in the work
so as not to annoy a god[sic] with perfection, some modern artists do the same.

The equivalent of 40 men would be around 10 -13 horses
or a small motor car of 40 - 70 HP (735 watts/HP)
from my applied mechanics days 1HP is 33 000 pounds moved 1 foot in 1 minute.
13 HP is 33 000 pound moved 13 feet in 1 minute, not such a huge effort
on a wheeled cart.

Suggestion penultimate stanza:
the family I lost, the love I withheld
in ignorance, the adult children
who still don't forgive me.
'and children who will not (or won't) forgive me.'

Final S. suggestion:
as this is an international competition perhaps
don't mention a propriety painkiller
and just use 'painkillers' or 'anti-inflammatory'.

Suggestion: Title: David

As always your choices reign
in the spirit of workshopping.

Oh one last thing,
I understand that it is expected
that poets post only 4 poems per month so as to give
the admin the opportunity to read them all carefully.
You have posted 9 poems in 20 days.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1048
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: After a Documentary on Michelangelo's David

#9 Post by Kenneth2816 » 21 Jun 2019, 01:32

Michael. I don't recall precisely what the documentary said about "life like." Thanks for the suggestive edits.

Frank, thank you for commenting.

Oh one last thing,
I understand that it is expected
that poets post only 4 poems per month so as to give
the admin the opportunity to read them all carefully.
You have posted 9 poems in 20 days.

Never been a prohibition such as you mention. We don't have but one Admin. Mike Neff. I'm confident he doesn't read all poems carefully .

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1048
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: After a Documentary on Michelangelo's David

#10 Post by Kenneth2816 » 21 Jun 2019, 20:55

Frank. You lied when you said it was "your understanding " about a rule concerning the number of posts per month so that "Admin can carefully read each one.:

Your comment was a passive aggressive attempt to disparage Admin for calling you out publicly over your abuse of the forum., and a lame crack at me as well.

Very petty. Lying is a sin.

If you stick to poetry I feel certain you'll be ok in the end.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1500
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: After a Documentary on Michelangelo's David

#11 Post by FranktheFrank » 21 Jun 2019, 21:52

Oh dear.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1048
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: After a Documentary on Michelangelo's David

#12 Post by Kenneth2816 » 22 Jun 2019, 12:06

Thank you Frank and Michael for the suggestions. I revised.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1500
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Michelangelo's David

#13 Post by FranktheFrank » 22 Jun 2019, 13:26

This is a much stronger start

perhaps: dissected prison corpses
the rest of s1 is good.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1048
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Michelangelo's David

#14 Post by Kenneth2816 » 25 Jun 2019, 05:25

Thank you Frank

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