Postcard (new title for Escape from Routine plus revision)
Postcard (new title for Escape from Routine plus revision)
Postcard (revision of title and some tightening up)
Postcard
Dolphin towels merge with swimwear
tumbling to the washer’s rhythm,
a plastic bucketful of kelp
for grandma’s aches, vibrates.
At the grill, the aroma of fish
I drift …
We explore, zig-zag dunes,
sand scratching between toes
until treasures spill over from
a Disney Mouse pail.
Rockpools soothe our weary feet
as tiddlers’ fins tickle, we giggle.
Children’s whoops drown the ocean’s
gentle sloshing, seagulls skwark
swooping at our ices.
We join the lines of pasty bodies,
reclining, basted ready to roast.
A whiff of plaice from the barbecue
I jolt back …
to whispered secrets,
shell collages and painted pebble
paper weights for Christmas presents.
The smell of fish fingers burning,
‘Quick, wash hands, tea’s ready kids!’
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Escape from routine
Rhythmically humming, the washer tumbles
dolphin towels with multicoloured swimwear.
On top, a plastic pail of gulfweed gathered
for grandma’s aching feet.
We zig-zag dunes, exploring,
sand scratching between toes;
shells and pebbles collected
in a Mickey Mouse bucket.
Swollen feet cool on kelp carpets;
we giggle as tiddler’s fins tickle toes.
The ocean’s gentle sloshing is covered by
children’s shouts and seagulls screeching.
After bobbing in the waves, we join pasty
bodies reclining, basted ready to roast.
From the nearby barbecue, wafts
of fresh plaice, spices the salty air.
… I float back to children’s whispers,
making shell pictures for grandparents,
pebble paper weights are painted
for friend’s Christmas presents.
I smell fish fingers - almost burning!
Tea’s ready, kids.”
Postcard
Dolphin towels merge with swimwear
tumbling to the washer’s rhythm,
a plastic bucketful of kelp
for grandma’s aches, vibrates.
At the grill, the aroma of fish
I drift …
We explore, zig-zag dunes,
sand scratching between toes
until treasures spill over from
a Disney Mouse pail.
Rockpools soothe our weary feet
as tiddlers’ fins tickle, we giggle.
Children’s whoops drown the ocean’s
gentle sloshing, seagulls skwark
swooping at our ices.
We join the lines of pasty bodies,
reclining, basted ready to roast.
A whiff of plaice from the barbecue
I jolt back …
to whispered secrets,
shell collages and painted pebble
paper weights for Christmas presents.
The smell of fish fingers burning,
‘Quick, wash hands, tea’s ready kids!’
------------------------------------------------------
Escape from routine
Rhythmically humming, the washer tumbles
dolphin towels with multicoloured swimwear.
On top, a plastic pail of gulfweed gathered
for grandma’s aching feet.
We zig-zag dunes, exploring,
sand scratching between toes;
shells and pebbles collected
in a Mickey Mouse bucket.
Swollen feet cool on kelp carpets;
we giggle as tiddler’s fins tickle toes.
The ocean’s gentle sloshing is covered by
children’s shouts and seagulls screeching.
After bobbing in the waves, we join pasty
bodies reclining, basted ready to roast.
From the nearby barbecue, wafts
of fresh plaice, spices the salty air.
… I float back to children’s whispers,
making shell pictures for grandparents,
pebble paper weights are painted
for friend’s Christmas presents.
I smell fish fingers - almost burning!
Tea’s ready, kids.”
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- Posts: 2693
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Escape from Routine
A pleasant slice of life
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- Posts: 2693
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Escape from Routine
You're using alliteration more and more....but here you capture the sensation of giggling with alliteration and assonance. Is it too much or just delightful? I think it's great
we giggle as tiddler’s fins tickle toes
we giggle as tiddler’s fins tickle toes
Re: Escape from Routine
Thanks Bob, I sometimes wonder if I go too far with alliteration, but I do love using it. Glad it worked for you.BobBradshaw wrote: ↑11 Dec 2019, 23:57You're using alliteration more and more....but here you capture the sensation of giggling with alliteration and assonance. Is it too much or just delightful? I think it's great
we giggle as tiddler’s fins tickle toes
Eira
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- Posts: 2693
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Escape from Routine
Eira, your poem is nominated for the IBPC. Can you post it? Thx
Re: Postcard (new title for Escape from Routine plus revision)
Although this poem seems ok, I just felt like looking at it again.
Eira
Eira
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Postcard (new title for Escape from Routine plus revision)
Yes, lots of sounds in this.
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- Posts: 2693
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Postcard (new title for Escape from Routine plus revision)
Very enjoyable. I wish postcards were as lovely as this one.
Re: Postcard (new title for Escape from Routine plus revision)
Thanks Frank & Bob - it's good to be back
eira
eira