Laika

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 1559
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Laika

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 14 Feb 2020, 07:41

V2:
Laika

Don't do this, I whimpered.
He held me squirming
in his beefy hands.
“Congrats, comrade,
you’re now a cosmonaut.”

For weeks I trained, circling
in dizzying orbits
around a centrifuge's
roaring axis,
my pounding heart
furiously rattling its cage.

I kept barking out my concerns
but the engineers were deaf
from years of testing
failed rockets.

Finally the glorious day
of Sputnik 2's launch
arrived. "Bon voyage!"
some fool shouted into a mic
spilling vodka on a panel
in the control room.

As the spacecraft rose
the ground fell away
like a boxcar unleashed
from a speeding train.

Floating in a flight harness,
the first canine cosmonaut,
I pressed against a port,
the earth shimmering below
like a bone dropped
into a creek.

V1:
Laika, First Dog in Space

Don't do this, I whimpered.
He held me squirming
in his beefy hands.
“Congrats, comrade,
you’re now a cosmonaut.”

For weeks I trained, circling
in dizzying orbits
around a centrifuge's
roaring axis,
my heart shaking
like a furiously rattled cage.

I kept barking out my concerns
but the engineers were deaf
from years of testing
failed rockets.

Finally the glorious day
of Sputnik 2's launch
arrived. "Bon voyage!"
some fool shouted into a mic
spilling vodka on a panel
in the control room.

As the spacecraft rose
the ground fell away
like a boxcar uncoupled
from a speeding train.

Floating in a flight harness
I pressed against a port,
the earth shimmering below
like a bone dropped
into a creek.

capricorn
Posts: 333
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Laika, First Dog on Space

#2 Post by capricorn » 15 Feb 2020, 23:03

As a dog lover I was very moved by this, Bob. I'm surprised I hadn't given the situation more thought before. As humans we have a choice in what we do, but not so animals.

The only suggestion I can make is 'my heart shaking '. Is this the right description? On feeling apprehensive I would think a heart would thump rather than shake - but then thump is probably overused in this context. Perhaps it's just me.

Eira

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1617
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Laika, First Dog in Space

#3 Post by Michael (MV) » 27 Feb 2020, 14:38

I like/enjoy this dogumentary from the P of V of the subject, Laika. Maybe, "First Dog in Space" isn't needed in the title? Then, later:

Floating in a flight harness,
the first canine cosmonaut,
I pressed against a port,


This just got more interesting as it when up & up reaching its finale, by virtue of its aptly observed similes, esp:

"the earth shimmering below
like a bone dropped
into a creek."

The penult stanza might be even more precise w/ "unleashed":

As the spacecraft rose
the ground fell away
like a boxcar unleashed
from a speeding train.


Re "my heart shaking" - consider:

my pounded heart
furiously rattling its cage.

^^ maybe rib cage?


Good to find a humorous "spot" in stanza four. Retrieves to my mind the persona of Mr. Peabody.


mongrel me naut 🤓
😎
Michael (MV)

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1559
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Laika, First Dog in Space

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 27 Feb 2020, 21:32

A lot of good suggestions, Michael. I will use some of them. Thx

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1559
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Laika, First Dog in Space

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 28 Feb 2020, 06:47

I used your suggestions, Michael...the poem is much improved. Thank you

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