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 Post subject: The Rarest Light
PostPosted: 13 May 2018, 10:40 
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 580
Legend says Blue Ghost Fireflies are souls of Union dead pinioned to crag and valley, like a bug collection under glass,

their just deserts for beguiling
the virgin South.

No one knows why they come
or why they chose the Blue Ridge
as the only place on earth.

Males hover waist high
like miniature alien
craft, emitting a pale blue light unique to each one in brightness
intensity and duration.

The females are
wingless and thick
with lucifrase; secret themselves under pine comes and Juniper grass.

When she finds a lover
to her liking, she flashes the exact code to him until he drops,
secures her rice-sized
body in his proboscis
lifts her into the night
twirling and flitting
until both are sated,

and drop, edging back to back like two brave swordsmen
facing down a crowd, until she lays eggs in the ground.

He masticulates his wings, feeds her so she can join her young beneath the ground and winter over.

Other males will desecrate
has ravaged body.


https://www.google.com/amp/amp.wyff4.co ... n/20662729


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 Post subject: Re: The Rarest Light
PostPosted: 13 May 2018, 21:09 
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Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14
Posts: 780
Ken---

magical subject.

illusive, almost abstract.


the male bets everything on one big night out, talk about Saturday Night Fever, drops back with his memory of a grand eloquent encounter to age and die alone.

firefly with a pale yellow lantern.

fascinating take on this marginal subject.

bernie


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 Post subject: Re: The Rarest Light
PostPosted: 14 May 2018, 01:45 
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 580
Ty Bernie. Their light is blue, hence the name. Only place in the world they are is where I live


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 Post subject: Re: The Rarest Light
PostPosted: 14 May 2018, 01:59 
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 580
Photo
https://www.google.com/search?q=legend+ ... 5WhwI9LC6M:


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 Post subject: Re: The Rarest Light
PostPosted: 14 May 2018, 05:15 
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Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Posts: 743
Great subject... enjoyed immensely... love the swordsmen image


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 Post subject: Re: The Rarest Light
PostPosted: 14 May 2018, 12:53 
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Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Posts: 847
Legend says Blue Ghost Fireflies are souls of Union dead pinioned to crag and valley, like a bug collection under glass,

When she finds a lover
to her liking, she flashes
the exact code
to him until he drops,
secures her rice-sized
body in his proboscis
lifts her into the night
twirling and flitting
until both are sated,

and drop, edging back to back
like two brave swordsmen
facing down a crowd, until
she lays eggs in the ground.

Males hover waist high
like miniature alien craft, emitting
a pale blue light unique to each one
in brightness intensity and duration.

The females are
wingless and thick
with luciferace; secret themselves (is there a usage like that?)
under pine comes and Juniper grass.

He masticulates his wings, feeds her
so she can join her young
beneath the ground and winter over.

The males will desecrate
has ravaged body. (her)

No one knows why they come
or why they chose the Blue Ridge
as the only place on earth.


their just deserts for beguiling
the virgin South.


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 Post subject: Re: The Rarest Light
PostPosted: 14 May 2018, 16:10 
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 580
Thank you both


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 Post subject: Re: The Rarest Light
PostPosted: 14 May 2018, 20:59 
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Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Posts: 847
Kenneth
I think beginning with a love scene will first catch the interest of the reader. Then you may mention the factual details that the poem is all about.I wish you had tried converting the image into a poem--the blue --into something wildly beautiful.But as it is, it is interesting enough, albeit it reads like narration. I think you should bring in the personal,here.What it means to you,and how much your surroundings have made you a poet-what is your connection with them. This poem reads as if you have just now come to this information, or read about it. maybe your grandfather or grandmother could speak to you.These are the most powerful lines:
The males will desecrate
has ravaged body. (her)
and the mystery of their choosing the virgin South.


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 Post subject: Re: The Rarest Light
PostPosted: 14 May 2018, 21:50 
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Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Posts: 1169
Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Duplicated post.


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 Post subject: Re: The Rarest Light
PostPosted: 14 May 2018, 21:50 
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Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Posts: 1169
Location: Between the mountains and the sea
I think you maybe mean 'desserts' for 'deserts' in L2,
and 'secrete' instead of 'secret' in L1`3,
and 'his' for 'has' in the last line.

Maybe 'mate' is more apt instead of 'lover'.

Otherwise very interesting.


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 Post subject: Re: The Rarest Light
PostPosted: 15 May 2018, 04:48 
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 580
Frank absolutely correct. I'll try to work on it because it is something important to me


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