New York Pitch Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, Poetry

Poets, Writers, Author Salon Reviews, New York Pitch Conference, Algonkian Writer Conferences
It is currently 19 Jul 2018, 23:39

All times are UTC + 3 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: 15 May 2018, 11:16 
Offline

Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 582
If only for the sake of Tuesday,
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.

I lay out my morning meds by color:
azure, oyster, salmon,

The philodendron already
on the banister from when
The cat pissed in it.

It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.

The meter man wear a safari hat
against the sun, tabulates
this month's abuse of power.
He thumbs ups me and I nod.

I count my strength: two Oxycontin,
a Flexiril , half a Tramadol.

I turn back, overwhelmed by
logistics, but secure in the knowledge

It is twelve light poles
to the liquor store.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 15 May 2018, 23:25 
Offline

Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14
Posts: 780
K---


haunting.

knocks me down, again and again.

breathtaking imagery, so original:


If only for the sake of Tuesday,
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.



great opening.


love this:

I lay out my morning meds by color:
azure, oyster, salmon,





It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.


The meter man wear a safari hat
against the sun, tabulates
this month's abuse of power.
He thumbs ups me and I nod.


great movement and very visual, and easiy for the reader to follow and yet unexpected and original..



strong, terrific close. very fine poem.


I count my strength: two Oxycontin,
a Flexiril , half a Tramadol.

I turn back, overwhelmed by
logistics, but secure in the knowledge

It is twelve light poles
to the liquor store.



bernie


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 16 May 2018, 18:50 
Online

Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Posts: 745
You nail it this time... the ending is excellent


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 16 May 2018, 20:55 
Offline

Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 582
Bernie, Bob thank you. I don't know about you guys, but I simply cannot write s poem without a workshop.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 17 May 2018, 03:44 
Online

Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Posts: 745
Sometimes it takes a village ...


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 17 May 2018, 09:07 
Offline

Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Posts: 849
Kenneth

Enjoyed reading this poem. I wish you had left the original to make comparisons and learn. Now I must learn to store in word files.

S


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 18 May 2018, 03:13 
Offline

Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 582
Thank you. I see others revise in the original post. I've never tried it but will


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 

All times are UTC + 3 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: BobBradshaw and 3 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group