New York Pitch Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, Poetry

Poets, Writers, Author Salon Reviews, New York Pitch Conference, Algonkian Writer Conferences
It is currently 22 Jun 2018, 11:09

All times are UTC + 3 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: 26 May 2018, 21:04 
Offline

Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Posts: 700
Sunday in Golden Gate Park


The day lilies lifted their trumpets
the way the Navy band

lifted theirs in Golden Gate Park
on that Sunday afternoon,

the John Philip Sousa marches
carrying us along—

into the Japanese
tea garden where koi drifted,

their patterns of scales as bright
as spring kimonos

--and later into each
other's arms.

Eight weeks later
I keep ringing your phone,

but the messages I leave
are unanswered prayers.

You’re like a book I borrowed
and lost the same day,

and which I search for
everywhere.

I trail women who look nothing
like you except for their

yards of blonde hair
into the Academy of Sciences,

the Asia Art Museum,
the De Young...

On Sundays I inevitably
drop by the bandstand

but the only ones on stage
are pigeons bobbing their heads

as if recalling previous
park performances.

You're never there
among the rows of benches,

where I sit for hours—
near the empty fountain,

my hopes, coins spent
eight weeks ago.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 27 May 2018, 13:56 
Offline

Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 566
Damn.This is good


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 27 May 2018, 14:52 
Offline

Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Posts: 1121
Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Bandstand, one word.

my hopes [are] coins spent
or
my hopes, coins spent
eight weeks ago.

Quote:
the John Philip Sousa marches
carrying us along—

How about: John Phillips plays Sousa marches
or
Sousa marches from John Phillips' band

Very sad poem.

The agony of a lost love, or a love lost
it sure hurts' doesn't it.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 27 May 2018, 18:48 
Offline

Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14
Posts: 752
Bob---

terrific.

atmospheric and yet built on details and stark, clear images...

that lost book, especially those pigeons, the spent coins at the end...


just those plurals at the end:

my hopes are coins
tossed weeks ago.





(You will remember the hit tune and movie, three coins in the fountain...


https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/v ... tion=click

1954




bernie


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 28 May 2018, 08:02 
Offline

Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Posts: 700
Thanks so much, guys.....Bob


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 31 May 2018, 20:17 
Offline

Joined: 24 Mar 2018, 16:53
Posts: 62
Very nice Bob,

I wonder perhaps, pennies instead of coins. Like Bernie I thought, Three Coins in a Fountain. For me that’s distracting, but perhaps this connection was your intent.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 31 May 2018, 23:31 
Offline

Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Posts: 700
Thx, Dale


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 7 posts ] 

All times are UTC + 3 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group