Flight

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 891
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Flight

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 08 Jun 2018, 22:21

Flight


At five years old you flew around the park
with your wingspan

of chubby arms, your bones
apparently as light as birds’.

I watched as skeptical as a crow,
and then picked you up,

settling you onto the perch
of my shoulders. Quickly

you transformed into a stuttering machine gun
of a WWI dogfight.

And now you’re setting off
to college, nodding goodbye

to your parents. You walk up
the ramp and vanish,

former decorated war pilot,
looking to add to your resume,

as we stand at the airport glass
and watch your plane’s lift

into clouds, another
child’s inevitable
flight.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 732
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Flight

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 09 Jun 2018, 00:44

Moving. I suggest using WWI instead of writing it out. Also suggest adding a gonna after three, or saying three years old. I was confused if you might have meant 3 o'clock. Minor nit.

The rest really comes together. A poignant take of growing up, leaving home

BobBradshaw
Posts: 891
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Flight

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 09 Jun 2018, 00:47

Thx, Ken...I have made your suggested changes

Kenneth2816
Posts: 732
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Flight

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 09 Jun 2018, 01:24

Nice work Bob.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1263
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Flight

#5 Post by FranktheFrank » 09 Jun 2018, 09:23

I like the transition of a small boy
playing, practising life
and the last line where
he achieves his dream.
Let it be and go on forever.

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