New York Pitch Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, Poetry

Poets, Writers, Author Salon Reviews, New York Pitch Conference, Algonkian Writer Conferences
It is currently 17 Aug 2018, 15:00

All times are UTC + 3 hours [ DST ]




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 11 posts ] 
Author Message
PostPosted: 05 Aug 2018, 00:09 
Offline

Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 627
The moons of the damned
are star-white and chalky;
orbs of Mannitol and morphine.


I negotiate with my body
as if it belongs to someone else.

Its unfamiliar gait nets back
a thirty minute soak
and a shot of Dewar's
for five minutes of treadmill
when i get back home.

The heat and Scotch give me elephant
-head and I come to: a good inch
of water already covering the floor.

I see my physical therapist mostly
because her hands are like God's;

they maketh sore, but also bindeth.
They striketh, but maketh whole,

and the eclipse of breast
in that glorious moment
she leans.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 06 Aug 2018, 02:29 
Offline

Joined: 24 Mar 2018, 16:53
Posts: 87
Interesting story, the aging body dealing with therapy and medication. Thank God for that eclipse of breast and the Dewar’s. I wonder if the moons of S1 and the eclipse of the final S are one and the same. Never heard the term elephant-head.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 06 Aug 2018, 06:50 
Offline

Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Posts: 785
I agree with Dale... I like the risk taking in this... it swerves off in unexpected directions...I need to read it more to get a better feel... I am not sure what the water reference is to


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 06 Aug 2018, 16:50 
Offline

Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 627
Dale and Bob. Thank you.

Bob the poor bastard passed out with yhe water running and the tub over flowed


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 06 Aug 2018, 18:43 
Offline

Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Posts: 881
I have been reading this, and the comments.

S


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 06 Aug 2018, 18:48 
Offline

Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Posts: 881
I have been reading this, and the comments.

S


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 06 Aug 2018, 19:41 
Offline

Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 627
Thank you Siva


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 07 Aug 2018, 02:06 
Offline

Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Posts: 1348
 
Hi Kenneth,


serendipitous - earlier this day I workshopped Dale's "After Dinner"; now, too, your geriatric gem

poem + gem neologizes to pogem -


is Molly the PT?


workshopping the opening as:

The moons of the damned
are star-white chalky orbs -
Mannitol and morphine.



esp like the 2nd stanza


line break in lieu of hyphen:

The heat and Scotch give me elephant
head and I come to: a good inch
of water already covering the floor.


workshopping this passage as:

I see my physical therapist mostly
because her hands are God-like:

they maketh sore, but also bindeth.
They striketh, but maketh whole,



Love the humor of the finale - I hear a play on veteran singer-songwriter Paul Simon:

"still crazy after all these years"

^^ still carnal after all these years

8)

Michael (MV)

 

 
 
 
 
 
  
 
 


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 07 Aug 2018, 17:32 
Offline

Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Posts: 881
Kenneth

Learning from Michael's workshopping.

S


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 07 Aug 2018, 17:32 
Offline

Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Posts: 881
Kenneth

Learning from Michael's workshopping.

S


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: 09 Aug 2018, 09:01 
Offline

Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 627
Michael, good suggestions. I cant do italics on my phone though.

Siva. Michael has been around a long time


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 11 posts ] 

All times are UTC + 3 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group