Welsh Cakes at War

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FranktheFrank
Posts: 1282
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Welsh Cakes at War

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 11 Sep 2018, 12:14

Dad returning from work,
smell of motor bike, petrol, leather.
The cold of winter, pipes freezing in the ty bach,
ice castles sagging down.

His steel helmet hanging on the door,
plastic neck guard, gas mask,
rifle hung out of reach,
His bayonet, in my hands,
blunted.

Mam baking, I hang
on pinafored thighs,
the smell of flour,
something nice.

My bedroom cold as an arctic floe.
Illness reaches out and grips
with: vomiting, fever for days and nights.
It won’t release me, darkness,
death in the mirror
of the wardrobe door.

Mam’s eyes black with fear,
deep as glacial pools.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 904
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 11 Sep 2018, 20:08

Good one, Frank...I like how I'm surprised by the turn of events...good imagery, especially of the father and the smells....my only suggestion...take out one or two of the darkness, black, death words....one or two too many

good writing, esp. here:

Dad returning from work,
smell of motor bike, petrol, leather.
The cold of winter, pipes freezing in the ty bach,
ice castles sagging down.

His steel helmet hanging on the door,
plastic neck guard, gas mask,
rifle hung out of reach,

meenas17
Posts: 467
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

#3 Post by meenas17 » 11 Sep 2018, 20:15

Death hovers.

death in the mirror
of the wardrobe door.

The height of the child,

Mam baking, I hang
on pinafored thighs.

A good one, Frank. Enjoyed.
meenas17

Kenneth2816
Posts: 750
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 12 Sep 2018, 12:59

Much in agreement, this is a good poem with the domestic dichotomy backdraped by the trappings of war

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1282
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

#5 Post by FranktheFrank » 14 Sep 2018, 21:36

Thanks all.

capricorn
Posts: 117
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

#6 Post by capricorn » 02 Oct 2018, 02:02

Hi Frank,

It was the welsh cakes that drew me here. I could just eat a couple now!

I enjoyed this one - the way one stanza flows to the next, An unexpected ending.

Eira

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Billy
Posts: 829
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

#7 Post by Billy » 08 Oct 2018, 02:14

Very good, Frank, the narrative is interesting and surprising. You've gotten really good at these shorter poems.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1282
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

#8 Post by FranktheFrank » 14 Oct 2018, 16:54

Thanks billy
Nice to see you posting here again

IndianaDP
Posts: 145
Joined: 24 Mar 2018, 16:53

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

#9 Post by IndianaDP » 14 Oct 2018, 22:32

It always amazes me how details can move a story forward, nicely done. I especially like the line with the mirror and the wardrobe door.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1282
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

#10 Post by FranktheFrank » 15 Oct 2018, 18:36

Bob, Meena, Ken thanks for input.
Eire, how can anyone exist without a Welsh cake, bake some now. :)
Billy and Dale, thanks again.

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