Welsh Cakes at War

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FranktheFrank
Posts: 1249
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Welsh Cakes at War

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 11 Sep 2018, 12:14

Dad returning from work,
smell of motor bike, petrol, leather.
The cold of winter, pipes freezing in the ty bach,
ice castles sagging down.

His steel helmet hanging on the door,
plastic neck guard, gas mask,
rifle hung out of reach,
His bayonet, in my hands,
blunted in case.

Mam baking, I hang
on pinafored thighs,
the smell of flour,
something nice.

My bedroom cold as an arctic floe.
Illness reaches out its grip.
Vomiting, fever, days and nights.
It won’t release me, darkness,
death in the mirror
of the wardrobe door.

Mam’s eyes black with fear,
deep as glacial pools.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 843
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 11 Sep 2018, 20:08

Good one, Frank...I like how I'm surprised by the turn of events...good imagery, especially of the father and the smells....my only suggestion...take out one or two of the darkness, black, death words....one or two too many

good writing, esp. here:

Dad returning from work,
smell of motor bike, petrol, leather.
The cold of winter, pipes freezing in the ty bach,
ice castles sagging down.

His steel helmet hanging on the door,
plastic neck guard, gas mask,
rifle hung out of reach,

meenas17
Posts: 462
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

#3 Post by meenas17 » 11 Sep 2018, 20:15

Death hovers.

death in the mirror
of the wardrobe door.

The height of the child,

Mam baking, I hang
on pinafored thighs.

A good one, Frank. Enjoyed.
meenas17

Kenneth2816
Posts: 686
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 12 Sep 2018, 12:59

Much in agreement, this is a good poem with the domestic dichotomy backdraped by the trappings of war

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1249
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

#5 Post by FranktheFrank » 14 Sep 2018, 21:36

Thanks all.

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