Fusions

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IndianaDP
Posts: 163
Joined: 24 Mar 2018, 16:53

Fusions

#1 Post by IndianaDP » 21 Dec 2018, 02:28

Prussian Blue street
headlights, horns,
stiletto heels
clipping down stairs,
a small basement club

where pink neon shapes
moods we fall into,
blushes your cheeks,
your hands
as we order Rioja,
eat crumbled cheese,
wafers of rye.

And music, played
by a young Asian artist,
silver sax rolling,
narrow bow-tie,
coke bottle glasses,
the. melding Beatles and Getz,

makes my words
easy to find,
express my obsession
with Rothko and Worhol,
a fresh painted canvas
with both our hues mingled
and differing ages.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1366
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Fusions

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 22 Dec 2018, 10:02

I really like this atmosphere you have created. Well done! These lines are fabulous:

stiletto heels
clipping down stairs,
a small basement club

where pink neon shapes
moods we fall into,

capricorn
Posts: 290
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Fusions

#3 Post by capricorn » 23 Dec 2018, 02:58

I agree, there is tremendous atmosphere in this beautiful poem. I would only question whether you need 'And' at the beginning of Stanza 3 - but I am nit picking as I can find nothing to crit.

Eira

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1003
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Fusions

#4 Post by SivaRamanathan » 24 Dec 2018, 22:12

Perhaps the title need not be so obvious.

IndianaDP
Posts: 163
Joined: 24 Mar 2018, 16:53

Re: Fusions

#5 Post by IndianaDP » 29 Dec 2018, 20:04

Thanks Bob.

Thanks Capricorn, you have me thinking about the ‘And’

Thanks Siva, I’ll think some on the title.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1573
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Fusions

#6 Post by Michael (MV) » 01 Jan 2019, 06:55

Hi Dale

I find "Fusions" to be an apt title for this atmospheric list poem


A workshop share for the last -

differing ages
delivering a canvas al fresco
with the mingling of our hues


Michael (MV)

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1003
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Fusions

#7 Post by SivaRamanathan » 01 Jan 2019, 15:24

I agree with Michael.The title fits. The workshop is also good. Sort of sums up.

Siva

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