Wedding Of The Year

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meenas17
Posts: 569
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Wedding Of The Year

#1 Post by meenas17 » 26 Dec 2018, 07:21

Being a wedding of the richest

illuminations overwhelm

cuisines are multinational

entertainments abound

charter flights throng the skies

eyes look above

perhaps nothing to see on the ground

as gentlemen and ladies

clad in brocade and tussar silk

decked with diamonds

with feet an inch above

sail like a waft of air

laden with aroma

Hermes Birkin bags dangle

while Rolex watches tick

the bride and the groom

turn a speck in the ocean

where extravaganza gobbles.

solemnity.

That being the event of the year.



Few uncaught by the ostentation

Wish the couple austerity and wisdom

in the midst of prosperity obvious.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1175
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Wedding Of The Year

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 27 Dec 2018, 21:58

Hi Meena, hope you have a great new year....
I enjoyed these lines the best:

clad in brocade and tussar silk

decked with diamonds

with feet an inch above

sail like a waft of air

laden with aroma

especially "sail like a waft of air/ laden with aroma"

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1175
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Wedding Of The Year

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 29 Dec 2018, 01:00

Also, the last 3 lines should be dropped... too telling and not as interesting as the rest of the poem

IndianaDP
Posts: 163
Joined: 24 Mar 2018, 16:53

Re: Wedding Of The Year

#4 Post by IndianaDP » 29 Dec 2018, 20:06

Great subject, well written. I agree with Bob concerning the final lines.

meenas17
Posts: 569
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Wedding Of The Year

#5 Post by meenas17 » 30 Dec 2018, 15:36

Am happy that you enjoyed the lines.
The last three lines, you feel, should be dropped.
I will consider in my revision.
Thanks, Bob.
meenas17

meenas17
Posts: 569
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Wedding Of The Year

#6 Post by meenas17 » 30 Dec 2018, 15:42

Thanks, IndianaDP.
Oh ! the final lines pose a problem.
Must give a thought.
meenas17

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1475
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Wedding Of The Year

#7 Post by FranktheFrank » 03 Jan 2019, 20:42

Very nice, I understand you had this nominated, it deserved the nod.

meenas17
Posts: 569
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Wedding Of The Year

#8 Post by meenas17 » 04 Jan 2019, 15:43

Thanks, Frank.
It has not been nominated.
meenas17

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1475
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Wedding Of The Year

#9 Post by FranktheFrank » 05 Jan 2019, 03:56

Yes, it has. :)

meenas17
Posts: 569
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Wedding Of The Year

#10 Post by meenas17 » 05 Jan 2019, 18:31

Where?
meenas17

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1475
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Wedding Of The Year

#11 Post by FranktheFrank » 05 Jan 2019, 21:35

Seek and you will find. :)

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