Last Supper (revised)

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capricorn
Posts: 237
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Last Supper (revised)

#1 Post by capricorn » 04 Mar 2019, 17:10

Last Supper (Version 2)

They scuttle about

stuffed with veggies,
and thirst-slaking fruit,
dusted with minerals.

He stirs.
waits motionless
until -

one carelessly nears

eyes focus,
neck pulses with
quickened breathing,
tail quivers

lunge …

Mouth loaded
shaping a smile
around a struggle of legs
and oozing guts.

Lips licked -
a cricket feast
for a caged leopard.

-------------------------------------------
Last Supper

They gorge on carrots
and thirst-quenching fruit,
before being thrust
into the leopard’s den.

In a dark niche, the predator
lurks
stirs
as prey scuttles near.
Eyes wide he watches,
begins to stalk.
Excited,
tail trembling
he pounces …

Shaping a smile,
his mouth is loaded
as legs wriggle
guts ooze
a cricket feast
for my leopard gecko.


Not my usual type of poem :wink:

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1130
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Last Supper

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 04 Mar 2019, 21:36

Liked it...

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Billy
Posts: 872
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Last Supper

#3 Post by Billy » 05 Mar 2019, 07:01

The 1st stanza has the reader thinking it's about martyred Christians, except Christians wouldn't be gorging themselves. So the poem surprises and is a good desciptive poem.

capricorn
Posts: 237
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Last Supper

#4 Post by capricorn » 07 Mar 2019, 02:10

BobBradshaw wrote:
04 Mar 2019, 21:36
Liked it...
Glad to hear, Bob. Thanks.

Eira

capricorn
Posts: 237
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Last Supper

#5 Post by capricorn » 07 Mar 2019, 02:12

Billy wrote:
05 Mar 2019, 07:01
The 1st stanza has the reader thinking it's about martyred Christians, except Christians wouldn't be gorging themselves. So the poem surprises and is a good desciptive poem.
Pleased to read this Billy. That's just the effect I wanted. Thanks.

Eira

capricorn
Posts: 237
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Last Supper (revised)

#6 Post by capricorn » 16 Mar 2019, 17:55

Another version - cut back

Eira

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