Butterfly Effect Letter

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
Kenneth2816
Posts: 866
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Butterfly Effect Letter

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 11 Mar 2019, 20:25

You lie in our bed,
The backs of his
Fingertips stroke
The inside of your thigh
Light as the delicate
Pulse of a Painted Lady.


I imagine your halting
Breath, visions of
Tidal waves, the two
Of you lost in deluge.

But you are safe from
me now, distance of
Mercators, at the far
Of the world, stabbing
Your photo with black
Knives in my eyes.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1130
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Butterfly Effect Letter

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 11 Mar 2019, 23:32

Terrific poem... metaphor extended throughout... and that closing line is to die for... wonderful imaginative piece

User avatar
Billy
Posts: 872
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Butterfly Effect Letter

#3 Post by Billy » 15 Mar 2019, 07:22

The second stanza can be interpreted two ways, maybe, or I'm just reading it wrong, but lost in a deluge could mean they were having fantastic sex or it could be the N's ill will imaging them drowning. Otherwise I like the poem a lot. I like the Painting Lady image and the knives.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 866
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Butterfly Effect Letter

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 15 Mar 2019, 10:19

Thanks Bob. Billly. Butterfly Effect 8s a chaos theory that states the fluttering of a butterfly wings can touch off a tsunami thousands of miles away. IDK if I believe it, but its that deluge .

capricorn
Posts: 237
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Butterfly Effect Letter

#5 Post by capricorn » 16 Mar 2019, 17:48

Kenneth2816 wrote:
15 Mar 2019, 10:19
Thanks Bob. Billly. Butterfly Effect 8s a chaos theory that states the fluttering of a butterfly wings can touch off a tsunami thousands of miles away. IDK if I believe it, but its that deluge .
What a terrifying thought, Ken. Wonderful poem.

Eira

Kenneth2816
Posts: 866
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Butterfly Effect Letter

#6 Post by Kenneth2816 » 19 Mar 2019, 04:08

Thank you

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1431
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Butterfly Effect Letter

#7 Post by FranktheFrank » 19 Mar 2019, 15:55

I don't think the saying is to be taken literally,
but in essence means that small things
can affect great outcomes. When I worked
on the gas/oil/water rigs we had three blowout
preventers which was considered an enormous
safety factor then. In the gulf of Mexico disaster
my oil engineer pal told me they had 8 sets. The
end analysis said there was no one cause of that
disaster but rather a number of failures to adhere
to policy and procedure that amounted to a catastrophic
failure and disaster. In the battle of Kohima the Japanese
did not care for their wounded, General Slim on the other
hand made sure his troops were back in action within
3 weeks instead of several months by bringing in field
hospitals. Wed can't say his policy won the war in Burma
but he brought in hundreds of small innovations that added
up to victory without the use of any H Bomb.

You switch from second to third person
in the first two lines, is that intentional.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1477
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Butterfly Effect Letter

#8 Post by Michael (MV) » 19 Mar 2019, 23:27

Hi Kenneth,

illustrated below w/out each line capitalized, some other minor adjustments, and a recast of

"But you are safe from
me now, distance of
Mercators, at the far
Of the world,"

as

But you are safe
from me now, Mercators
away at the far
of the globe,

in the spirit of workshopping   8)   Michael (MV)

You lie in our bed,
the backs of his
fingertips stroke
the inside of your thigh,
light as the delicate
pulse of a Painted Lady.

I imagine your halting
breath, visions of tidal
waves, the two
Of you lost in deluge.

But you are safe
from me now, Mercators
away at the far
of the globe, stabbing
your photo with black
knives from my eyes.
  
 

 
 

Kenneth2816
Posts: 866
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Butterfly Effect Letter

#9 Post by Kenneth2816 » 20 Mar 2019, 04:14

Thanks you

Post Reply

Return to “Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang”