Living At The End Of The Road

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Billy
Posts: 952
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Living At The End Of The Road

#1 Post by Billy » 05 Aug 2019, 07:49

Living At The End Of The Road

Sagebrush somersaults across the open
plain like fragrant spinning stars of Van Gogh.
It's windy in Wyoming. Suicide weather.
No barriers to stop it. They say the telephone
pole is the state tree. Miles without the living.
Lots of drive-up liquor stores. Abandoned
mining towns. Petroglyphs of alien figures.
A few markers with the names of the long
forgotten who left everything to find nothing
more than a place to bury every dream
or go mad listening to the wind's tedious voice.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1178
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Living At The End Of The Road

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 05 Aug 2019, 11:14

I like it. I would axe Van Gogh.
I would axe " tedious voice" and stop with wind.
Nice line break on nothing. Very bleak.

BobBradshaw
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Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Living At The End Of The Road

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 05 Aug 2019, 22:16

I agree with Ken... the Van Gogh image is good but not for this poem. Save it for something else. Love the telephone pole. Good poem... but agree the end needs a better punch line.

Kenneth2816
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Living At The End Of The Road

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 05 Aug 2019, 23:09

Billy I had a thought about Native Americans somehow getting a nod in this poem. I recall some of your work referencing that topic. Just a thought. Good as is

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1534
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Living At The End Of The Road

#5 Post by FranktheFrank » 06 Aug 2019, 01:38

Billy this is top drawer
I know you have been concerned at your muse lately
I think state tree has been said before but I still like it,
Van Gogh overused imo
Short and sweet, you could add a little more but very good.

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Billy
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Living At The End Of The Road

#6 Post by Billy » 06 Aug 2019, 05:45

Van Gogh committed suicide. He may have had a mental illness. His spinning stars and the wind. Sorry, I think I'll keep Van Gogh. The tedious voice can go. I wasn't sure I liked that either.

Thanks for the comments.

meenas17
Posts: 687
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Living At The End Of The Road

#7 Post by meenas17 » 06 Aug 2019, 15:40

I like the poem.
I do not find anything that should be dropped,
It is your poem, you know the best.
meenas17

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Billy
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Living At The End Of The Road

#8 Post by Billy » 06 Aug 2019, 23:48

Kenneth, the petroglyphs are referencing Native Americans but maybe you are wanting more than that. The inspiration for the poem was not a Native American perspective.

Thanks Kenneth Bob Frank Meena

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