White Crow

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Kenneth2816
Posts: 991
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

White Crow

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 05 Aug 2019, 23:35

When I was a kid, the old folks 
teased , saying  you could teach 
a crow  to talk by splitting the tongue. 

You would have been proud
the way I didn't cry at your funeral
in front of perfect
strangers, like you always said.

I almost didn't come ,but who could 
resist a last look at the pinched
face,  yellow bill dividing its eyes,

one higher than the other
as if rendered by Picasso,
pink albinic feet protruding 
like a stuck-out tongue, Goddam?

meenas17
Posts: 604
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: White Crow

#2 Post by meenas17 » 06 Aug 2019, 15:47

Ken,
Fantastic verse.
Crows fascinate you,
" ---Yellow bill dividing its eye

one higher than the other
as if rendered by Picasso,"

These lines hold the attention.
meenas17

Kenneth2816
Posts: 991
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: White Crow

#3 Post by Kenneth2816 » 06 Aug 2019, 18:30

Thank you Meenas.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1227
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: White Crow

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 06 Aug 2019, 20:17

I agree with Meenas...like that Picasso image best.

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Billy
Posts: 901
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: White Crow

#5 Post by Billy » 07 Aug 2019, 00:55

Either i’m dense or just missing something, but I’m quite confused. Also, goddamn isn’t capitalized unless you meant to put a period before it instead of a coma.
I suppose albinic feet could be pink. Like I said I may be i’m Dense and just need to read it a few more times which a lot of good poetry requires.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 991
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: White Crow

#6 Post by Kenneth2816 » 07 Aug 2019, 00:59

Thanx you Bob.

Billy white crows do have pink feet. Goddamm is certainly optional. I just threw it in really

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1528
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: White Crow

#7 Post by Michael (MV) » 10 Aug 2019, 18:13

Hi kenneth,

I lost my workshop response

In essence. I have suggested the finale as

albinic feet protruding 
like a pink tongue, stuck-out


😎

Michael (MV)

Kenneth2816
Posts: 991
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: White Crow

#8 Post by Kenneth2816 » 11 Aug 2019, 04:31

Thanks Michael

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