Escape from Routine

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capricorn
Posts: 333
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Escape from Routine

#1 Post by capricorn » 07 Dec 2019, 17:29

Summer is far away, but it's nice to dream!



Escape from routine

Rhythmically humming, the washer tumbles
dolphin towels with multicoloured swimwear.

On top, a plastic pail of gulfweed gathered
for grandma’s aching feet.

We zig-zag dunes, exploring,
sand scratching between toes;

shells and pebbles collected
in a Mickey Mouse bucket.

Swollen feet cool on kelp carpets;
we giggle as tiddler’s fins tickle toes.

The ocean’s gentle sloshing is covered by
children’s shouts and seagulls screeching.

After bobbing in the waves, we join pasty
bodies reclining, basted ready to roast.

From the nearby barbecue, wafts
of fresh plaice, spices the salty air.

… I float back to children’s whispers,
making shell pictures for grandparents,

pebble paper weights are painted
for friend’s Christmas presents.

I smell fish fingers - almost burning!
Tea’s ready, kids.”

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1577
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Escape from Routine

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 07 Dec 2019, 21:20

A pleasant slice of life

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1577
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Escape from Routine

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 11 Dec 2019, 23:57

You're using alliteration more and more....but here you capture the sensation of giggling with alliteration and assonance. Is it too much or just delightful? I think it's great

we giggle as tiddler’s fins tickle toes

capricorn
Posts: 333
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Escape from Routine

#4 Post by capricorn » 16 Dec 2019, 01:44

BobBradshaw wrote:
11 Dec 2019, 23:57
You're using alliteration more and more....but here you capture the sensation of giggling with alliteration and assonance. Is it too much or just delightful? I think it's great

we giggle as tiddler’s fins tickle toes
Thanks Bob, I sometimes wonder if I go too far with alliteration, but I do love using it. Glad it worked for you.
Eira

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1577
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Escape from Routine

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 05 Jan 2020, 21:30

Eira, your poem is nominated for the IBPC. Can you post it? Thx

capricorn
Posts: 333
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Escape from Routine

#6 Post by capricorn » 05 Jan 2020, 23:36

Thanks Bob!

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