Ellen and Waldo Emerson

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 1577
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Ellen and Waldo Emerson

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 16 Dec 2019, 10:45

Ellen and Waldo Emerson


Waldo, Waldo…
Even a year after my death
you feel my presence—
a light flicking by a window,
my breath stirring against your neck

as you lie on your side at night,
sleepless like that wretched moon.

It both pleases and saddens me
how you will suddenly stop
what you are doing, to lose yourself
in thoughts of me.

Remember when I was alive
how my perfume clung to you
after you would leave the house?

Loved, you carried me everywhere.
your future always with you.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Ellen and Waldo Emerson

#2 Post by SivaRamanathan » 20 Dec 2019, 22:03

B

Is the linebreak in the fifth stanza, deliberate?

S

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1577
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Ellen and Waldo Emerson

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 21 Dec 2019, 01:23

Which line are you referring to?

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1169
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Ellen and Waldo Emerson

#4 Post by SivaRamanathan » 21 Dec 2019, 06:32

whatever
you are doing, to lose yourself

Now I get it Bob.It is the syllable count of 'whatever which makes it necessary to keep it as a stand alone line.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1577
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Ellen and Waldo Emerson

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 21 Dec 2019, 22:01

No, I'm not counting syllables..."whatever" is standalone for emphasis....but if it doesn't work well to do that, I would like to know and include it in the next line. Bob

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1577
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Ellen and Waldo Emerson

#6 Post by BobBradshaw » 02 Jan 2020, 22:39

Revised

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