Search found 14 matches
- 07 Jun 2014, 02:14
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming IBPC June 2014:
- Replies: 6
- Views: 18548
Re: Upcoming IBPC June 2014:
Ryan laks [ “Dark Nipple of the Figs” ] The things we said, or chose not to; the way it happens when the mind divides, makes an eye flinch. I know as a door opens to a darker room you'll find it is a warm September evening. Sometimes we kissed appetizing female forms in our mind. The way it happened...
- 04 Jun 2014, 03:24
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming IBPC June 2014:
- Replies: 6
- Views: 18548
Re: Upcoming IBPC June 2014:
"Birthright : there is no maternity leave"
- 03 Jun 2014, 13:24
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: IBPC: Poems that placed for April 2014 - Congrats WB
- Replies: 2
- Views: 9447
Re: IBPC: Poems that placed for April 2014 - Congrats WB
I like the poem v much. Nice work
- 03 Jun 2014, 03:55
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming IBPC June 2014:
- Replies: 6
- Views: 18548
Re: Upcoming IBPC June 2014:
any newcomers or returnees this month, Welcome! and here is a home link to the IBPC rules: http://ibpc.webdelsol.com/rules Poems recommended to represent the Block are posted here in this thread, along with all IBPC required info. When the 1-3 are decided upon, and permission granted by each author...
- 03 Jun 2014, 03:51
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Etymology
- Replies: 5
- Views: 15093
Re: Etymology
For me, the title has a clinical contrast with the personal -- I don't care for this. The first two strophes promise something 'interesting' completely missing by the end. I like the idea of power as powerless to time. An echo of something and someone left behind. But. Could be said better. Weak ver...
- 30 May 2014, 03:15
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Temple Car Festival In My Husband's Hometown
- Replies: 5
- Views: 14848
Re: The Temple Car Festival In My Husband's Hometown
The last lines are worth exploring, I think. I hope you plumb, just a bit more, into the type of person that uses her sexual organs to restrain herself in a landscape of sexual worship. Elders Kama sutra carrying grandmama some manly rope tugging etc etc etc. The poem is immature to me because it's ...
- 29 May 2014, 14:37
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: August 1982
- Replies: 2
- Views: 12228
Re: August 1982
. Some enjoyable moments here. But I admit to not being particularly won-over by this. A lot of distracting cultural references, a lot of staging without a sense of grounding, a sort of distant/quiet narrative voice, which still overpowers the identity of the prose's characters. I wanted something m...
- 23 May 2014, 03:45
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Is Love Like A Sniff Of Cocaine?
- Replies: 4
- Views: 12041
Re: Is Love Like A Sniff Of Cocaine?
Relying on the title to carry the fabula/sujet just doesn't work for me. Perhaps it was meant to be a fun piece without the burden of narrative construction except nothing fun or new here -- for me at least. Thanks for trying
- 23 May 2014, 03:33
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Upcoming IBPC May 2014:
- Replies: 7
- Views: 19715
Re: Upcoming IBPC May 2014:
Thanks. Just saw this. Appreciate the nod - perhaps next time
- 26 Apr 2014, 01:48
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Dark Nipple of the Figs
- Replies: 3
- Views: 11629
Dark Nipple of the Figs
[ “Dark Nipple of the Figs” ] The things we said, or chose not to; the way it happens when the mind divides, makes an eye flinch. I know as a door opens to a darker room you'll find it is a warm September evening. Sometimes we kissed appetizing female forms in our mind. The way it happened we heard...
- 18 Apr 2014, 04:11
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Snakeskin Jackets Were More Familiar
- Replies: 5
- Views: 14568
Re: Snakeskin Jackets Were More Familiar
Work on cutting the pointless staging and modifications. Work hard on the arc. I suppose language, too. Thanks for the read
- 18 Apr 2014, 03:51
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Ode To a Peacock
- Replies: 2
- Views: 10089
Re: Ode To a Peacock
I couldn't even find a helpful place to start a critique. I suppose read other 'stuff'. Thanks for the opportunity to comment.
- 24 Feb 2013, 17:36
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Passive aggressive heart ache
- Replies: 2
- Views: 12572
Re: Passive aggressive heart ache
No new ground covered in the overused theme of oh woe is me
- 23 Feb 2013, 01:15
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Painting Mrs Roth's Apt.
- Replies: 17
- Views: 72226
Re: Painting Mrs Roth's Apt.
too much telling, lack of anchoring, weak language, poorly conceived arc, vague-shifting across details, flat delivery, over-symbolic words and suggestive tropes strong-arm the poem I think here's what you could do with this one: Marigold Petals on the East wall. She needs on the North wall a clean,...