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Ryan laks [ “Dark Nipple of the Figs” ] The things we said, or chose not to; the way it happens when the mind divides, makes an eye flinch. I know as a door opens to a darker room you'll find it is a warm September evening. Sometimes we kissed appetizing female forms in our mind. The way it happened...

"Birthright : there is no maternity leave"

I like the poem v much. Nice work

any newcomers or returnees this month, Welcome! and here is a home link to the IBPC rules: http://ibpc.webdelsol.com/rules Poems recommended to represent the Block are posted here in this thread, along with all IBPC required info. When the 1-3 are decided upon, and permission granted by each author...

For me, the title has a clinical contrast with the personal -- I don't care for this. The first two strophes promise something 'interesting' completely missing by the end. I like the idea of power as powerless to time. An echo of something and someone left behind. But. Could be said better. Weak ver...

The last lines are worth exploring, I think. I hope you plumb, just a bit more, into the type of person that uses her sexual organs to restrain herself in a landscape of sexual worship. Elders Kama sutra carrying grandmama some manly rope tugging etc etc etc. The poem is immature to me because it's ...

. Some enjoyable moments here. But I admit to not being particularly won-over by this. A lot of distracting cultural references, a lot of staging without a sense of grounding, a sort of distant/quiet narrative voice, which still overpowers the identity of the prose's characters. I wanted something m...

Relying on the title to carry the fabula/sujet just doesn't work for me. Perhaps it was meant to be a fun piece without the burden of narrative construction except nothing fun or new here -- for me at least. Thanks for trying

Thanks. Just saw this. Appreciate the nod - perhaps next time

[ “Dark Nipple of the Figs” ] The things we said, or chose not to; the way it happens when the mind divides, makes an eye flinch. I know as a door opens to a darker room you'll find it is a warm September evening. Sometimes we kissed appetizing female forms in our mind. The way it happened we heard...

Work on cutting the pointless staging and modifications. Work hard on the arc. I suppose language, too. Thanks for the read

I couldn't even find a helpful place to start a critique. I suppose read other 'stuff'. Thanks for the opportunity to comment.

No new ground covered in the overused theme of oh woe is me

too much telling, lack of anchoring, weak language, poorly conceived arc, vague-shifting across details, flat delivery, over-symbolic words and suggestive tropes strong-arm the poem I think here's what you could do with this one: Marigold Petals on the East wall. She needs on the North wall a clean,...