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Sorry Billy, My best works are those that were annihilated at birth. I'm sorry to have upset you like this. I crave criticism myself and sometimes and/or often, that comes across hurtfully. But I know how it feels to have your home ripped from under you, so I'll offer you this - I won't post here ag...

On the one side, what I said was meant in jest, on the flipside it was meant in jest because I didn't think you were serious about publishing it. I've never read Tanka, but I imagine if his/her poems were like this then he/she probably came up against a fair amount of opposition too. If you think yo...

WWI. I don't know how to put this succinctly; the idea is not complicated, but still we are cavemen in our ignorance: First there was tax; then more, then war. On foreign shores our brethren died, as fast as we could forward them. Driven into hostile lands upon ignoble chariots, or felled from the s...

I've probably said this before, but with a poem like this you can't ever hope to publish without proper punctuation and grammar.

Publishing might not be your aim, but that's what the forum says on the tin, and you didn't say otherwise.

So fuck your shitty poem!

Rah.

It's a bit me - I never read a famous poet. It is not a great poem, but I posted it anyway as a test or indicator if you like, taking the political temperature of this forum. In the poem "the machine" is any combination you like of a corrupt government, evil banks, other cliché corporations, and the...

Bits of this remind me of a Johnny cash song, which could have been good, but other sections have a clumsier cadence. I didn't have much of an idea about the point of this story until the last two lines hinted at a father-sibling relationship between the subject and narrator, so I felt very little e...

I've not read Williams or Ginsberg, in fact I read very little poetry at all; Most of the advice I give is learned from forums like this one. If you like Haiku, have you heard of Dolphin Trinary? Above & Below Fire is indiscriminate, dolphins excepted, laughingly. Sound-shadows of basking sharks dan...

I like it!

"unconscious tingle" is especially nice, as is "Souring in passions the zenith of self; glimpsing one's heaven to take back to earth."

F**K ME

I've seen genius
and I had no part i
n it; Genius ascends.

Perfection eluded it
seven out of five
times,

facepalms
win the day as often as
not;
five, out of whatever meter supposedly
allows.

A broken resolution
arises from ashes
in futile parody:

Fake me.

Fix it? No! I could re-write it in perfect English but I could not retain your excellent story development. I'm not that good. Can I help you improve as a poet long-term? I hope so; not because I told you how to do it ~ Perhaps because I told you it was possible? You've already got one side down, an...

Poetically there are a few things that could be improved here, but the story develops extremely well.
I wonder if I distil too much as you disseminate, and that a balance might be better struck somewhere in between?

"Here, with my thoughts, lay the seed" doesn't really work - lies the seed, or lay the seeds. "winds that echoes" is a double plural that doesn't really work. You should review similar shifts throughout your poem. As you bend plurality so do you bend punctuation and grammar; a capital at the start o...

#Paragon A Beacon finds itself, surrounded by turgid green slime; it's base as hateful as any, where one is to be found. I find myself become, said Beacon listing uneven; painful and torpid, thereby an equal. _________________________________________________ A somewhat paradoxical poem about the fo...

When a poem is alone and is oblique then I will critique it as such. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately so, few are. I must confess a fair amount of my interpretations do transcend the poem(s) themselves, so as to involve my impressions of the author. Or in other words, If I respond to your one p...

I am astounded.

This poem is wholly without any traditional merit, which I knew.

But I still love it.


Normally, I love, I post, it's slated, and I hate it.


Today... Not so much.

Very strange.

I've seen some strange things posted in my time and I generally destroy them. This is likely my turn to be destroyed. I watched a 15 minute educational video and peeled it apart in real-time to create a 'poem' or at least a work of literature, that is raw and unedited. As a classical poem it is stil...

I like this, and the 'judas jerk' is a fine phrase perfectly placed. In terms of interpretation I read that workers like us are the spiders and the snake is the tax man, but that's not an immediately obvious interpretation. Possibly consider changing 'the spider' to 'we spiders' plural. The referenc...

Kubric

Is English your second language? If so this is an outstanding achievement because your rhyming and sibilance is so subtle as to be positively lulling. There is some tense shifting and grammatical free-licence, but nothing I haven't gotten away with myself as a native English speaker.

I'm link shy, why don't you post us your most popular poem?

Hello readers - I'm not after a full critique, since it has obvious flaws I do not plan to revise, but I am trying to gauge how obvious or obscure I can be with a political poem. So, it would help me if you could say what you think 'The machine' might be in this case. A Study in Collapse So! The mac...

the love terrorist she said to me eternity that's what love is a long time love you long time? 5$ cliché without hate even longer than the tides going in and out You don't need to tell me tides go in and out; Trust the metaphor to convey the message. all is sand trickling through our fingers Grammat...

OK I'll take another stab. You either went for emphasis and failed, or this is personal. I'm guessing personal, and in view of your earlier poem it could well be another dig, if slightly less obvious. I ride down the mist filled road to the sound of the morning tugs That pull unwilling vessels labo...

Oh, this is a shame, I targeted you for critique but this is clearly not something you would ever intend to publish.

Instead you have my sympathies, and I'll look out for something else - Or PM me something you think was ignored.

I'm infrequent though, so don't expect speed.

we sit in the cab of a huge maroon kenworth semi-truck for hours we talk about life; the alchohol the women abortion and money the sun drops behind mountains of smog. . . then mile after mile as the windows freeze in beautiful designs we sit in silence This is how your poem reads. Either you use gra...