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Thank you meenas, I don't intend t work this poem any more, I shall leave it as it is and ponder. maybe a year from now I will look at it again. My thanks to Michael for provoking a response in me with his own effort. My poem was not a response to Michael's effort however , but something that has be...

Thank you for responding Michael and giving some time. I shall leave it for a while and think. It was a rant , but I enjoyed it.

That day set aside Second Sunday in May Mother’s day The dream child of Ann Jarvis And taken over by marketing men To sell their products in May Forget that day and you don’t love your mam So they seem to say Guilt-button day Pay out five dollars With sweet mushy sentiment That says, Love you Mam Wh...

Thanks Siva, silly mistake

Thanks guys, this originally was published years ago. I took it out of my bottom drawer to rework and it is much more compact. I don't know what the rules are for reworked poems and whether it is sufficiently different to qualify as a new work. In my opinion it is.

De Afrika Looking back I remember Mama loved her mealy-meal boiled with salt added rolled into a ball melded with kapenta The falling wind at dusk in the rainy season the sudden swift mayhem of broken boughs from shattered limbs 'Pas op', she would cry In the night darkness the rings of charcoal fi...

Congratulations Siva!

The faint air of its colonial past hung around my new hotel Guards dressed in kaki puttees smiled me through each door From the street - nondescript - a palm tree leaning as they often do The foyer in turmoil, Nigerian women arguing loudly about their fare I wished I had been as half as brave with m...

He looked to see his brother's face
return his stare as Donald did
A photo worn and from an early
time, far older than this present age.

He wore a jacket creased and stained
and clutched a book well used and read
all creased and with a golden edge
He knew of course his brother dead

The huge tree in the corner [corner of what? the world the garden? the village? do tell] with branches big and strong [majestic boughs?] spreads itself in width [spreads wide] elongates in varied lengths [spreads... alreadys said] cruises itself to altitudes high [trees cruis? news to me, grows mayb...

Put you to sleep is correct in this context, putting a baby to sleep. Some say, let me put the baby down, also correct, but I never used it.

Putting to sleep and putting down is aslo a metaphor for killing a dog say. I had the dog put down or he was put to sleep.

Asking for a remedy He met with an impasse No can do, more than my job’s worth Dai Toad would not give anything for nothing. He could imagine him telling Her, act dull, play safe. He tapped the counter What to do, he stared at her For as long as was polite He noticed her eyes Their texture weaved a ...

Thanks meenas

Thank you for your critique, I appreciate it.

Frank

Thank you meenas, you are too kind.

Beautifully done!

Thanks for commenting.

He moved swiftly
among the machines
feeding the fires
His infectious laugh
resounding
up in the roof stays

Thanks Anonymous, nice to get feedback. So many come and go on this forum, I hope you stay longer than most.

Very good.

It could just your style but I find I can't take to it, but then I also don't like most of Michael's poems because he likes short poems. Because of your style I cannot help much or give any concrete advise, It could be you are very gifted but i cannot see it yet.

Meenas, the poem is wordy, In fact you have gone over the top. It is prose arranged in stanzas. You constantly tell us the obvious, there are no hidden meanings no depths to plumb. You English usage is strange but adequate, I would prefer a simpler style. Could you say and get the same message acros...

Spend more time with your children that would be for a promise looking after them with care would prove to be a bliss. Spend time not money on them as the attention you devote necessarily hastens in a great progress definitely that would be an achievement in the float. Spending money on them and on ...

I've just opened my second restaurant. Now I have two card tables, two large bowls for mulligatawny soup. I put up a crepe paper streamer as the Ford Cortina did for a new dealership; red and white tissue flutters among aged canopies of the souk merchants. The pot to my left, Anglo-Indian cuisine wi...

Thanks Michael
You are right, I used the last line in desperation, feeling there should be a punch line. Hackneyed phrases are so good, and yet we must be original. I used the obvious in the title thinking you might not get it... silly me.

Ok I will look at it again.

Frank

Thank you for taking the trouble to reply to my posting. I had almost given up hope. I am glad you liked it. Welcome to the board, I hope you stay and enjoy.