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But I think the contrast here is that there is a semblance of a relationship between 'the lion the witch the wardrobe' or the 'the good the bad and the ugly'. And there is none between 'A SANDWICH, A KEY, AND A SCARF', other than the obvious construed by the poet.

Thank you, Frank. Your comments make sense, I shall consider them. Though, I am not sure whether I would want to do away with the 'extreme emotions'. I think the use of adjective there emphasizes on how people react to news. Removing it will change the meaning, albeit subtly. It will mean that peopl...

Thank you, Siva, for pointing out the typo. I have corrected it. I also felt the semi-colon is loud, given the muted style of the poem, though I didn't act on it then. Your comment about doing away with punctuation is very valid. However, I am still under confusion as to replace it with; leaving it ...

i have never written a poem in ten years, during which a lot has changed – four world wars never happened a soupy love song went viral two lonesome dictators were overthrown one terrorist hanged Mt. Everest added few more bodies to its ledger another half a million birds mistook glass for clear spac...

OK, Michael. Here are the required details. 1. My name: Shriram Sivaramakrishnan 2. Email: shriiram@gmail.com 3. Statement: I hereby state that the poem, "The Kettle Conundrum" pasted below is written by me - which is to say that it is my original work - and has not been published anywhere. I also c...

Thank you, Michael, for considering to send my poem The Kettle Conundrum to IBPC. Yes, I would love to have it sent . Pasting below the version you have suggested on the poem thread, with a modification. Let me know how you find it. Only birds understand the blunt-beaked guilt of a kettle, hear the ...

only birds understand the blunt-beaked guilt of a kettle, listen to its shrillness, and know that it cannot enumerate wings. but the kettle understands that its very presence allows water not a moment of peace, wings or not. that’s why kettles in my verse tend to lie face down in brown thicket or bl...

Thank you, bernie.

Thank you, DanielMein

Hi Michael, I'm happy to have my poems considered for the March's IBPC 2015. Please find the required details below. 1. My name: Shriram Sivaramakrishnan 2. Email: shriiram@gmail.com 3. Statement: I hereby state that the poem, "I like calling my mom over phone" pasted below is written by me - which ...

Thank you, Michael. Your rendering is interesting...and it has given me another thought to tweak it...putting it here...let me know your comments... I create her from her voice elasticize speckles on her face for the sorrow shuffle away crow’s feet for her smile iron out layers of time bedraggling h...

I can understand it, FrankThird

FrankThird, can you help me understand your point better? Are you saying the idea behind the poem is good but execution warrants more effort?

I agree with you, Bernie. The language here is passive, unlike the Oscar Wilde's excerpt you have quoted. But come to think of it, this passiveness had come from surrendering myself to the nature, and hence the rather undermined language. Let me see how I can absolve your suggestions and rewrite it....

The trees have fallen from their flowers, thousands of them swarming the ground as dead bees waiting to rot. The flowers remained hung from air where once green branches had swirled to support them. The scene looked like a crayon drawing of a small girl who had forgotten to attach trees to the flowe...

Maybe you can do away with the comma after 'say' and 'no' in the fourth line- "unable to say, no, to his enthusiasm." Plus, the article 'the' before earth in the last line creates a disjunctive effect...without it, the statement looks generalized and universal.

Intrigued by your choice of title for the poem. But liked it anyway. Here are my observations. 1. 'moving in sand' sort of broke the flow for me when I read the poem. I felt the poem 'sounded' much better without that line. 2. Similarly, the line 'a zombie' is not strengthening what the previous lin...

Nice one, ma'am. Billy's rendering is even better. My only suggestion is that you could consider starting the poem with 'my'. Otherwise the reader is rushed to the incident.

Sivakami,

Ma'am I can see your point. In fact, titling the poem appropriately has been one of my problems of late...the last line definitely makes sense.

Thank you, Billy. I agree with your suggestion. Your realigning does provide a staccato kind of effect to my poem. I'll work on it.

Hi Team, I am Shriram and this is my first post in The Writers Block. I like calling my mom over phone that way I can create her from her voice. elasticize speckles on her face for her sorrow, crowd less crow’s feet for her smile, iron out layers of time bedraggling her body, and weed out the white ...