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Frank---


this reader is impatient, wants action:

Up from the hole,
grease monkeys half deaf
from the ship engine.

Oh for light and colour
to drive away darkness,
to pierce brightness into
exhausted lives

Oh! For a woman’s breath
even if shrill yet alive.




bernie

S----

fine new approach to the genre of I Remember (mom, dad, grandpa etc...)


excellent imagery and smooth narration and close.

fine job.


bernie

Frank...could you mean this ole chestnut? CHICHICAPA, MEXICO Bernard Henrie Mezcal Del Maguey Chichicapa is one dirt road farther than the day laborers from Oaxaca. Coconut farmers live there, hands and clothes carry the scent of bath soap. The men are brown as beans. Washing under outdoor pumps the...

sorry Frank.

not a theme i would approach, but hum a few bars and i'll see if that refreshes the ole brain.


bernie

Frank....


that one isn't my poem.

did you think it was one of my children?


bernie

Billy and Frank... changed the line employing that word "wither." gas light now "blue pilot light." and revised final image. good crit Frank. thanks to you both. Au revoir to a wrinkled lunch sack we carried beside the library pool, paint cans we never used. Box the pinafore and windup clock, turn d...

New owners claim our room, nail tankards over the fireplace like killed mallards. Toss the moss green davenport, say goodbye to the linoleum curled along the corner. Au revoir to a wrinkled lunch sack we carried beside the library pool, paint cans we never used. Box the pinafore and windup clock, tu...

maybe a little too much labeling, not enough showing with sensuous imagery. Your lips and mine softly touching maybe.... in a night full of rain your lips and mine touching. your breath in my breath, your mouth over my mouth... your hands find me yielding... i like this direction, now just a bit mor...

S--- a little sweet and passive. Oscar Wilde adds movement and tension to his description: The sullen murmur of the bees shouldering their way through the long unmown grass, or circling with monotonous insistence round the black-crocketed spires of the early June hollyhocks, seemed to make the still...

warm and real.

it might appear too sentimental.



Fragrance of clove tobacco,
his shirt trails a wisp of gardenia.



Gaps in his boyish smile.
bare feet lifting in joy.



bernie