Search found 1459 matches

by BobBradshaw
17 Feb 2020, 06:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Man on Moon
Replies: 2
Views: 14

Re: Man on Moon

Thx, Michael.... discovered it is
by BobBradshaw
17 Feb 2020, 01:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Man on Moon
Replies: 2
Views: 14

Man on Moon

Man on Moon How I've longed to be that woman folded within a man's arms that I always see at an airport. Others sweep by like water past a creek's stone. I stop and watch. My arms hold the emptiness of a sleepwalker as I gaze at the moon and wonder about the astronaut shuffling across its chalky sur...
by BobBradshaw
16 Feb 2020, 22:57
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Found you Again on Facebook (revision)
Replies: 11
Views: 2765

Re: Found you Again on Facebook (revision)

I like this, especially the mix of song names intertwined in it. I think you have one too many descriptive lines though...I like this one the least...Taking it out would improve the poem. hungry lips mouthing frisky fingertips I like the poem's concept( an old one, but updated with the Facebook inte...
by BobBradshaw
14 Feb 2020, 07:41
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Laika, First Dog on Space
Replies: 1
Views: 73

Laika, First Dog on Space

Laika, First Dog in Space Don't do this, I whimpered. He held me squirming in his beefy hands. “Congrats, comrade, you’re now a cosmonaut.” For weeks I trained, circling in dizzying orbits around a centrifuge's roaring axis, my heart shaking like a furiously rattled cage. I kept barking out my conce...
by BobBradshaw
11 Feb 2020, 21:38
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sunrise on the Cauvery at Pugalur
Replies: 3
Views: 152

Re: Sunrise At Pugalur

I like this. I would replace "to be submerged and dead" with "to drown". I would add "the" before track. I would cut "I suppose". I have a question....Do the oxen actually walk across the water? Or through it? These are minor questions or nits. I like the closing couplet a lot. Although being picky ...
by BobBradshaw
06 Feb 2020, 21:34
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: So
Replies: 3
Views: 198

Re: So

This is a terrific subject, Siva. Keep mining your rich culture. Stanza 1 is a lovely beginning, with a nice flow to it. It sets the table clearly. It says we can choose our next life...however, the second stanza muddles this idea...it seems to say we will simply extend whatever conflict we're in wh...
by BobBradshaw
04 Feb 2020, 04:28
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Darker Side of Watermelons
Replies: 6
Views: 533

Re: The Darker Side of Watermelons

Thx, Suva.... I will use your suggestions. I have tweaked the piece. A poem drafted a few years back, that I wanted to work on...
by BobBradshaw
01 Feb 2020, 23:14
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Darker Side of Watermelons
Replies: 6
Views: 533

The Darker Side of Watermelons

The Darker Side of Watermelons Rows of watermelons dozed in bins, assured of their future as students on full scholarship. Days later they came crashing down. Witnesses leaped back as the watermelons wobbled left down a sloping road. We followed as they zigzagged for the beach. One man reported glan...
by BobBradshaw
01 Feb 2020, 22:53
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Nestling (rev2)
Replies: 9
Views: 779

Re: The Nestling (rev2)

Eira, you need to post this on the nomination page for ibpc
by BobBradshaw
01 Feb 2020, 22:53
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:
Replies: 13
Views: 996

Re: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:

Click the little exclamation point icon to edit it(you may need to login first to see it) on your post.
by BobBradshaw
01 Feb 2020, 10:18
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:
Replies: 13
Views: 996

Re: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:

Siva, you have a typo...."very evening" s/b every evening. By the way, I really like what you have done with this poem....strong and poignant at the same time.
by BobBradshaw
01 Feb 2020, 03:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Going Back to Amma’s House
Replies: 6
Views: 469

Re: Going Back to Amma’s House

Maybe just add a comma at the end of the previous line.
by BobBradshaw
31 Jan 2020, 22:13
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:
Replies: 13
Views: 996

Re: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:

1/Bob Bradshaw 2/bobbybradshw@yahoo.com 3the poem is my original 4/and unpublished work 5/and I don't have a poem committed to represent another board in the current IBPC. Sleeping on a Roof She brought me home from a reading, saying no poet should sleep so rough-- then trimmed my long hair. She wai...
by BobBradshaw
31 Jan 2020, 22:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Going Back to Amma’s House
Replies: 6
Views: 469

Re: Going Back to Amma’s House

Much, much better. The warmth comes through here....couple nits: This line is prosy. Can you simplify it? latent heat of water higher than that of milk Also Grandamma, she drank her coffee holding the cup with the tip of her sari. can you put a period after Grandmma, and Start a new sentence with "S...
by BobBradshaw
31 Jan 2020, 01:18
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:
Replies: 13
Views: 996

Re: Upcoming February IBPC 2020:

I nominate Siva's "Black as the coal workers..." and Eira's "The Nestling".
by BobBradshaw
30 Jan 2020, 22:15
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Going Back to Amma’s House
Replies: 6
Views: 469

Re: Going Back to Amma’s House

I like S1 the best. It's the simplest, and most clearly written. S2 needs the quotation marks corrected....S3...I like the part about holding with the loose end of the sari. I might put a line break after "sari". Why is there a fry in the poem? What relation does it have with the milk? I know the li...
by BobBradshaw
29 Jan 2020, 08:44
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sleeping on a Roof
Replies: 10
Views: 752

Re: Sleeping on a Roof

Thx... that would be great
by BobBradshaw
28 Jan 2020, 21:05
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Nestling (rev2)
Replies: 9
Views: 779

Re: The Nestling

Eira, let me know whether you would like this poem or the Christmas poem nominated....
by BobBradshaw
28 Jan 2020, 21:04
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Black as the coal workers, soot collects in her hair.
Replies: 8
Views: 1134

Re: Black as the coal workers, the soot collects in her hair.

Siva, take out "in the meantime"....a cliche, and unneeded. I would like to nom this poem by the way...so keep an eye out for the nom
by BobBradshaw
27 Jan 2020, 21:53
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Latent Heat of Milk
Replies: 2
Views: 321

Re: The Latent Heat of Milk

Take out "All this about Dad"....not needed ...indicate Dad in another line, like the next one....like my son, Dad said. There are punctuation issues like "lest it turn cold. " I like the way you have simplified the recipe here....I have to go, but I'll get back to this poem later. But think about m...
by BobBradshaw
27 Jan 2020, 21:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Ten Ways of Making Chapathis
Replies: 2
Views: 312

Re: Ten Ways of Making Chapathis

You need to trim this significantly. Too much detail deflates a poem. I can only hold so many details in my mind at one time. After that I'm like a juggler with too many balls in the air, and more being thrown at me to include...just too much, I'm overwhelmed. I hate using the word "draft", but in t...
by BobBradshaw
27 Jan 2020, 21:23
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Nestling (rev2)
Replies: 9
Views: 779

Re: The Nestling

Either way, just a superb piece
by BobBradshaw
26 Jan 2020, 10:24
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sleeping on a Roof
Replies: 10
Views: 752

Re: Sleeping on a Roof

Siva, Eira -- thank you for your suggestions. I have adjusted the poem....best
by BobBradshaw
26 Jan 2020, 10:22
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Nestling (rev2)
Replies: 9
Views: 779

Re: The Nestling

I like the metaphor. This poignant and unusual story works....nit: I don't know if you need entwined and wrapped both.
by BobBradshaw
26 Jan 2020, 10:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Christmas Remembrance (revision 3)
Replies: 13
Views: 3029

Re: Christmas Remembrance (revision 3)

It's lovely. Finished. I love the details...like the sweet roses dabbed behind the ears.

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