New York Pitch Conferences and Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, Poetry and Authors

Thank you, Siva. Any poem nominated is fine.

I nominate Siva’s “Jackfruit Payasam”.

The theme is a bit unusual, at least here in the States. It's worth salvaging.

I like the theme. This feels like a rough draft. I am baffled by S3 and what it’s trying to say. What does an M.A. have to do with a blouse? And the “don’t know” seems like the start of a new sentence? I don’t know what the bridge of flowers represents...a cultural reference? If so, maybe a footnote...

I have decided to tell the story in 3rd person.

Tweaked

V2: The Wolf Child Joey grew silent as moss. Hopeless, his father said. Autistic, the doctors replied. Everyone stuck their face into his. The boy grew thin, his hips narrowing like a wolf's. He loped through an asylum's halls. A nurse, Jan, followed. They walked the grounds together, stares trailin...

Nice piece

Thanks, Michael. You’re very generous and always have been. Mucho gracias

Robert Browning Ba slumped against Robert’s shoulder, her hair brushing his cheek. For years he often carried her across streets as if she were weightless, up steps to their rooms at Casa Guidi, to her sofa’s patch of sunlight. All night Ba had joked like a schoolgirl, saying she felt better— and su...

This is a delightful read. My only suggestion is to tweak these lines: The dead need a physical form to land on earth - caw, caw, caw before they eat ; and scoop away the served plantain leaf. to The dead need a physical form to land on earth: the crows caw before they eat, and scoop away the served...

Thanks, Siva

I’ve shortened the poem to give it a better flow.

Thx for commenting but I don’t understand your gist. Could you elaborate?

V2: Beethoven Unhappy To view the trees across from his apartment, Uncle hired a stonemason to knock a hole in a wall. The landlord, enraged, demanded Uncle move. He couldn't satisfy critics anymore than landlords. " Why can’t you compose more like Haydn-- or Mozart ?" His orchestras were unhappy, a...

I like all of it except for this line. I guess my suggestion wasn't a good one. At any rate, "room" should be plural...and my question...are these two rooms referring to the bathrooms?

but an attached bathroom
is as if marriage revolved only in these two room

Thx, Siva. Your comments are helpful

Good descriptions. Overall a good poem. A couple suggestions: 1) nose lift s/b face lift 2) but an attached bathroom as if marriage revolved only in these two room sounds a bit off...should it be but an attached bathroom is as if marriage revolves only in these two rooms and for this line and the ro...

Enjoyed the charming lines about the tricycle, and more. Just a couple small suggestions: 1) change “with the driver” to “and the driver” 2) place a comma after “hair” 3) be more efficient with this line... she was over excited, and she narrated how a tricycle e.g., Grandma excitedly told how a tric...

v2: Heated Glass You vanished into your own world--suddenly deaf to my pleas, as if you’d dropped through a trap door. Yet I hoped our marriage, like the glass leaf that once fell from our highest shelf, could be restored. I was prepared to work at it. Shattered glass should never be tossed. In the ...

Good poem, Siva. No criticisms.. I enjoyed it all

Very nice poem, Siva. I enjoyed it. There are some tweaks that I would suggest. 1) Make book plural 2) put a period after "gates" 3) then put a comma after sky, instead of a semicolon 4) put "past" before "the sight"

Best

Thank you, Siva Bob Bradshaw bobbybradshw@yahoo.com The poem is my original and unpublished work and I don't have a poem committed to represent another board in the current IBPC. For Your Love From the stroller you lift your arms toward me as if you’re merely stretching after a long nap, but when Gr...

I nominate Siva's "Sunrise at...."

Thanks, guys