New York Pitch Conferences and Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, Poetry and Authors

Siva, Eira -- thank you for your suggestions. I have adjusted the poem....best

I like the metaphor. This poignant and unusual story works....nit: I don't know if you need entwined and wrapped both.

It's lovely. Finished. I love the details...like the sweet roses dabbed behind the ears.

Thank you, Siva

Sleeping on a Roof She brought me home from a reading, saying no poet should sleep so rough-- then trimmed my long hair, scissors striding expertly. She waitressed during the day. I wandered the streets admiring the dark barges of rain clouds, the Chinatown bins of ice and fish, the bay’s white skir...

x

Oh that's great...so happy those 2 lines were useful to you....best

I hope you don't mind. Seeing your lovely poem, and following up on Sachico's Cut Paper, I have written something as well on this subject....maybe down the road I'll post it, if it's okay with you. Bob

This is lovely, with its imagery and restraint. The quiet dignity captures the artist's work. I like it very much. I wanted a stronger closing stanza, but otherwise no criticisms, just enjoyment.

Another New Year's Eve in Prison Every night I sleep with you, Alyssa. Tonight's snow like I remember it falling on a New Years’ Eve driving to see you. I fold you into my arms, pray you'll never slip out of them again. The snow outside my window like shredded love letters— while inside these walls ...

major trim....

Plied is fine. Chug-chugging? No....maybe "opening up" the western ghats, ie. making them accessible. Or "rumbling across the western ghats"...."thundering", "steaming"

shortened

This is good, Siva. I like how your work your culture into your poems, sometimes in surprising ways. An example is here, in these lines: so she begged oil and the powder of green leaves ‘shikaki’to help them scrub. Some small suggestions: 1) remove "real" from S1...unnecessary 2) in S2, simplify it ...

Thx, Siva....the period at the end has been rolled into place. By the way, happy new year, and may you write many wonderful poems in 2020....best, Bob

Revised...see V2

I “borrowed” that image from an Emily Dickinson poem...wanted to make the poem more authentic. However, that doesn’t keep it from sounding contrived in this poem. Thx for commenting,Siva

V3: Follow the Poem I am a poem for you. Believe in me as you would a valentine from a secret admirer. I will find you a love. Like a Hollywood studio I will dispatch my best talent scouts to discover her. While other couples sit across from each other at meals, heads bowed, lost in their phones as ...

revised

Emily Dickinson, In Love

Though never spoken of
marriage had been in the air—

as inevitable as pollen--
or birdsong in mid-summer.

Imagine when she heard—
Henry—engaged—

her heart's chandelier--
wrecked on the heart's floor.

Good poem....Don't wince, but I have some very minor suggestions. I would cut the first stanza, and change the first line of S2 to read "Every Sunday, my chef Algi", moving "has" to the next line. On S3 change the last line to "totaling their costs"....one action instead of 2 actions(segregating and...

Eira, your poem is nominated for the IBPC. Can you post it? Thx

"Escape from Routine", if I had to choose

Your poem is nominated

Revised