New York Pitch Conferences and Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, Poetry and Authors

Terrific poem... very believable with a strong ending

A good, solid poem... the last line makes it zing

The new lines make the poem livelier and more fun.

Those last six lines are gorgeous.....but like my Emily poem you're overdoing the horse imagery a bit...2 suggestions: take out muzzle(maybe replace it with 'heaving mouth') and replace withers with 'swimmer's back'....otherwise, what beautiful writing throughout!

This is good. It works all the way through. For more impact I would like some images in the next to last stanza to put us in her shoes, in the moment. Maybe an adjective or image about the cats, for example. The psych ward offers an opportunity as well but don't overdo it.

Thanks, Judy...I like the first suggestion.

Judy, I like what you have proposed...condensing the imagery....I can see now that the opening 4 lines aren't needed....and the moving, changing directions, etc. is too much. It's good to see one's poem through different eyes....I'm sure I will go with your revisions...I just want them to marinate f...

Personally, I am looking for anything to improve my poem. I consider such constructive criticism a gift.

I have shortened this poem...let me know if it works better

Lovely poem....all the way through. The details immerse me in the setting... love these lines especially....but they're all good cattle with newly-painted horns in vibrant colours wearing huge Hare Krishna beads and mock-silver anklets were made to circumambulate the wood-fired brick stove freshly-h...

I like these lines best:

Avocados drop and fruit bats flop, wood smoke
wafts to me in the blue night, charcoal fires
pepper the darkness, prickles of light

Thx for your suggestions m, Ken. I like them, and will incorporate them. bob

V4: note: I would like to thank Judy for her great help on this....I think her version works better...what do you think? Emily Dickinson, Marry Me Today I saw wild mares in the hills moving in unison, turning their faces away in shyness when they saw me They reminded me of you; I long to tame one --...

This is terrific! I love the details, as in hundred of men, a score of teen aged boys hair closely shaven. ash smeared on the forehead, arms and body, the three lines symbolizes Saivisim Cooks, barbers, dhobis , carry the luggage in iron trunks. The men roll a fair amount of cash in a cloth,tie it a...

Ok, I can see that....I like some of his poems...one especially

A fun slice of life you have here...love the jockey image....good ending

Your best poems have good imagery...This one could be improved with some images and details... as an exercise, try writing each stanza around an image. Just a workshop suggestion....

Gorgeous poem, Billy....love the parrot image, everything actually, including that fab ending...no crits

Thanks, Ken... your endorsement means a lot

Judy makes a good point.

I really like that opening stanza...I also like the mix of full and slant rhyme...At times the poem tends too much towards the poetic, as in "autumn's breath"....I would look to change that description, and some of the lines in the 3rd stanza for the same reason. I like the closing, as everyone else...

Beethoven's Dark Moods Why does the maestro offend you? Because he ignores you? Nearly deaf, he is like someone trying to pick out the cries of a distant swimmer. His rudeness also stems from illness: colic, rheumatism, dropsy, and a stomach always in upheaval. Shall I go on? We forgive the crankine...

I accept. Thanks, Michael and Kenneth

Just in case... 1/Bob Bradshaw 2/bobbybradshw@yahoo.com 3/the poem is my original 4/and unpublished work 5/and that I haven't a poem committed to represent another board in the current IBPC. My Funeral My life savings will leave just enough cash for fireworks-- something to celebrate my passing. Oth...

I nominate Ken’s “The Religion of Cats”, Siva’s “The Courtyard of the Big House...”, and Billy’s “Trees of Winter”.