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A strong objective poem....love these lines best

His clothes.

It is hard not to admire
the well groomed hair.

A nice uplifting poem....enjoyed, Michael

Strong poem. I like "infected with righteousness." The closing 2 lines work well, especially with the reference of "rice".

inculcated the locals with
doctrine and dogma and rice.

Thanks, Ken. Michael, I like your suggestion...I'll think about it.

Ken, I appreciate your comment. Can I bug you one more time and ask you to point out the lines in v2 that are telling? Appreciate it. Bob

Thanks, Ken, for your help and honesty. I have reworked the poem with your advice in mind. Unfortunately, the poem is even longer. But it is told from another person's viewpoint, his wife's. Let me know what you think. I always value your opinion.

Ken, thx for commenting. Fiddle with it how? I'm open to any suggestions.

v2: Beethoven Plays for Mozart I was busy, in the middle of packing, our no longer affordable rent due. Wolferl was feverishly working on Don Giovanni , its score strewn about the floor. “ What now? ” he asked, exasperated at Gaukerl’s barking. An intruder walked through the door— a sixteen year old...

I'm not sure what the poem's about, but I really like the tone of it, especially these lines...said with so much confidence

I told you I'd love you as best
I can and that's all there is to it.

Theresia Constanzia Adelheid Friedericke Maria Anna Mozart With Johann I constantly itched, and my lower back ached from carrying a hill up a mountain. I could feel his feet nudge me for sweets, sweets, sweets--and me hungry the way I once was for Wolferl’s kisses. I knew he was a boy the way he kic...

Lovely. Your imagery is good, pleasing. Enjoyed immensely

Congrats, Ken!!! Well deserved

I like the idea of gods being flawed like the rest of us, enjoying the same things....My only suggestion...when you have a chance at imagery versus telling, go for the image...for example, the line enjoying conjugality, give us a picture of a couple or friends raising toasts, slipping an arm around ...

well done, Michael

I am not available this month but I am happy to nominate Meenas’ poem “ Navaratri”,
Billy’s “ Antlers” ( a tough choice, Billy... so many good ones to pick from”,
Michael’s “ I am always with you”.

revised the ending

I am amazed and wowed how often your poems bloom naturally into such surprising and lovely endings. This piece does this as well. Kudos

Fine poem, Meenas. Good imagery, from cars floating to the toppled rice(an image I love)....If you want me to nitpick I will, but I just want to enjoy this strong piece...

cooked rice topples over
seemingly like offerings
to water Gods.

I like the tone of this poem, and the flow. It would be stronger if it relied more on imagery and less on telling, though. As an exercise, try using just imagery to convey the same scene and emotions. William Carlos Williams often uses images alone, as in "Flowers by the Sea". Flowers by the Sea By ...

Thx, Michael

Improved but it’s “Navaratri” that stands out. I plan to nominate it. If you want to tweak it between now and then, this is a heads up...

It’s better

I like “Navarati” because of its imagery. Consider some imagery for this poem as well.

The title keeps bothering me....dunno

Thank you, Ken. Your opinion means a lot.