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by BobBradshaw
06 Jul 2020, 07:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Who knew you would become a comet
Replies: 1
Views: 122

Who knew you would become a comet

Who knew you would become a comet streaking away from us, our family a trail of dust? How could you jettison 15 years of marriage and a daughter? I am over you, having burned our wedding album and tons of photos. I ignore rumors of your engagement but Julie misses you. Every day she checks her phone...
by BobBradshaw
03 Jul 2020, 01:08
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming July IBPC 2020:
Replies: 10
Views: 365

Re: Upcoming July IBPC 2020:

I gladly nominate Siva's "What the Right Hand Receives, the Left Hand Gives Away", a lovely poem, one of my favorites of Siva's.
by BobBradshaw
03 Jul 2020, 01:06
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming July IBPC 2020:
Replies: 10
Views: 365

Re: Upcoming July IBPC 2020:

Thanks, Michael. I choose "Beethoven Unhappy". 1/Bob Bradshaw 2/bobbybradshw@yahoo.com 3/ the poem is my original 4/and unpublished work 5/ I don't have a poem committed to represent another board in the current IBPC. Beethoven Unhappy To view the trees across from his apartment, Uncle hired a stone...
by BobBradshaw
02 Jul 2020, 01:06
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Robert Browning
Replies: 3
Views: 598

Re: Robert Browning

Thank you, Siva. Any poem nominated is fine.
by BobBradshaw
01 Jul 2020, 21:38
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming July IBPC 2020:
Replies: 10
Views: 365

Re: Upcoming July IBPC 2020:

I nominate Siva’s “Jackfruit Payasam”.
by BobBradshaw
29 Jun 2020, 22:21
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: I Walked into Marriage
Replies: 4
Views: 496

Re: I Walked into Marriage

The theme is a bit unusual, at least here in the States. It's worth salvaging.
by BobBradshaw
29 Jun 2020, 08:07
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: I Walked into Marriage
Replies: 4
Views: 496

Re: I Walked into Marriage

I like the theme. This feels like a rough draft. I am baffled by S3 and what it’s trying to say. What does an M.A. have to do with a blouse? And the “don’t know” seems like the start of a new sentence? I don’t know what the bridge of flowers represents...a cultural reference? If so, maybe a footnote...
by BobBradshaw
29 Jun 2020, 01:57
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Wolf Child
Replies: 3
Views: 508

Re: The Wolf Child

I have decided to tell the story in 3rd person.
by BobBradshaw
28 Jun 2020, 00:01
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Robert Browning
Replies: 3
Views: 598

Re: Robert Browning

Tweaked
by BobBradshaw
24 Jun 2020, 21:28
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Wolf Child
Replies: 3
Views: 508

The Wolf Child

V2: The Wolf Child Joey grew silent as moss. Hopeless, his father said. Autistic, the doctors replied. Everyone stuck their face into his. The boy grew thin, his hips narrowing like a wolf's. He loped through an asylum's halls. A nurse, Jan, followed. They walked the grounds together, stares trailin...
by BobBradshaw
22 Jun 2020, 00:13
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: For Your Love
Replies: 11
Views: 2011

Re: For Your Love

Thanks, Michael. You’re very generous and always have been. Mucho gracias
by BobBradshaw
22 Jun 2020, 00:10
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Robert Browning
Replies: 3
Views: 598

Robert Browning

Robert Browning Ba slumped against Robert’s shoulder, her hair brushing his cheek. For years he often carried her across streets as if she were weightless, up steps to their rooms at Casa Guidi, to her sofa’s patch of sunlight. All night Ba had joked like a schoolgirl, saying she felt better— and su...
by BobBradshaw
21 Jun 2020, 00:03
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Jackfruit Payasam
Replies: 3
Views: 530

Re: Jackfruit Payasam

This is a delightful read. My only suggestion is to tweak these lines: The dead need a physical form to land on earth - caw, caw, caw before they eat ; and scoop away the served plantain leaf. to The dead need a physical form to land on earth: the crows caw before they eat, and scoop away the served...
by BobBradshaw
18 Jun 2020, 23:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Beethoven Unhappy
Replies: 7
Views: 849

Re: Beethoven Unhappy

Thanks, Siva
by BobBradshaw
18 Jun 2020, 07:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Beethoven Unhappy
Replies: 7
Views: 849

Re: Beethoven Unhappy

I’ve shortened the poem to give it a better flow.
by BobBradshaw
17 Jun 2020, 09:57
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Beethoven Unhappy
Replies: 7
Views: 849

Re: Beethoven Unhappy

Thx for commenting but I don’t understand your gist. Could you elaborate?
by BobBradshaw
16 Jun 2020, 09:32
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Beethoven Unhappy
Replies: 7
Views: 849

Beethoven Unhappy

V2: Beethoven Unhappy To view the trees across from his apartment, Uncle hired a stonemason to knock a hole in a wall. The landlord, enraged, demanded Uncle move. He couldn't satisfy critics anymore than landlords. " Why can’t you compose more like Haydn-- or Mozart ?" His orchestras were unhappy, a...
by BobBradshaw
16 Jun 2020, 09:30
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Newly Wed Start Their Marriage At The House Of The Groom's Parents
Replies: 6
Views: 905

Re: Newly Wed Start Their Marriage At The House Of The Groom's Parents

I like all of it except for this line. I guess my suggestion wasn't a good one. At any rate, "room" should be plural...and my question...are these two rooms referring to the bathrooms?

but an attached bathroom
is as if marriage revolved only in these two room
by BobBradshaw
14 Jun 2020, 00:14
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Heated Glass
Replies: 3
Views: 697

Re: Heated Glass

Thx, Siva. Your comments are helpful
by BobBradshaw
13 Jun 2020, 08:09
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Newly Wed Start Their Marriage At The House Of The Groom's Parents
Replies: 6
Views: 905

Re: Newly Wed Start Their Marriage At The House Of The Groom's Parents

Good descriptions. Overall a good poem. A couple suggestions: 1) nose lift s/b face lift 2) but an attached bathroom as if marriage revolved only in these two room sounds a bit off...should it be but an attached bathroom is as if marriage revolves only in these two rooms and for this line and the ro...
by BobBradshaw
09 Jun 2020, 07:50
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Grandma in a Bullet Train
Replies: 2
Views: 649

Re: Granda Travels in a Bullet Train

Enjoyed the charming lines about the tricycle, and more. Just a couple small suggestions: 1) change “with the driver” to “and the driver” 2) place a comma after “hair” 3) be more efficient with this line... she was over excited, and she narrated how a tricycle e.g., Grandma excitedly told how a tric...
by BobBradshaw
09 Jun 2020, 07:39
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Heated Glass
Replies: 3
Views: 697

Heated Glass

v2: Heated Glass You vanished into your own world--suddenly deaf to my pleas, as if you’d dropped through a trap door. Yet I hoped our marriage, like the glass leaf that once fell from our highest shelf, could be restored. I was prepared to work at it. Shattered glass should never be tossed. In the ...
by BobBradshaw
08 Jun 2020, 07:18
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Summer Unnoticed
Replies: 2
Views: 757

Re: Summer Unnoticed

Good poem, Siva. No criticisms.. I enjoyed it all
by BobBradshaw
06 Jun 2020, 23:29
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Walking Home After School
Replies: 1
Views: 835

Re: Walking Home After School

Very nice poem, Siva. I enjoyed it. There are some tweaks that I would suggest. 1) Make book plural 2) put a period after "gates" 3) then put a comma after sky, instead of a semicolon 4) put "past" before "the sight"

Best

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