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Thanks, Ieuan… I have applied your suggestions. I like the simpler title. I am not sure about cowering vs shuddering. Maybe shuddering has slightly better sonics? Dunno

Thanks, Ieuan. You make a lot of suggestions, and I can take advantage of some of them. Your advice will make v1 considerably better. It is too long. Let me see how it turns out.

Lol… no worries

Thanks, Ken

Thanks, Ken. I have shortened the poem.

Strong example of extended metaphor...I like how you intertwine the Emily details...especially the father's death. When I first read the poem the word "parasitic" was jolting. After maybe the 5th reading I was fine with it. I'm not sure if it's a weakness or strength. A very enjoyable read.

Revised

V1(revised, with Ieuan's suggestions): Letter from Arles Dear Paul, some nights I slipped into your room as you slept. A mother standing over her son’s bed knowing any day he could leave home, to strike out on his own, knows my feeling of impending loss. How could I ask you to stay, you with a wife ...

Thanks, Ieuan. Do you mind looking at V4? I think V4 is the best version....

Let me know if either V2 or V3 works...thx

Let me know if V2 works, and how it can be improved. Thx again, Ieuan, for your suggestions. Bob

Thanks, Ieuan, for your concrete suggestions. I will have to think about everything.

Thanks, Ieuan, for your enthusiasm. I am not sure how well the close works. Is it wordy? Should I take out a line? I haven’t decided.

v4: " Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar.” -—Sigmund Freud Give Me a Man who doesn't gag on his cigar whenever a cheeky girl like me brings up Freud. After all, I've seen cigars with ribbons tied on them as gifts, bought by wives for their precious husbands in airport stores, the ribbons reminiscent...

Thank you, Eira. I'm so happy that you had fun with it.

We live in extraordinary places, which mostly go unrecognized by us who drink by the pool, and feed the slot machines. I love the details, especially about the Blackfoot women. I also like how the close pulls back, to give us death’s perspective…and although I doubt our bones would be carved in scri...

Sorry, my brain pretends to play dead when math enters into anything. Or maybe it doesn't need to pretend. At any rate, I'm left puzzled. I would much rather read your Dylan Thomas poem you mentioned.

V2 is in place. Please let me know your thoughts.

Thanks, Ieuan. I like your lines. I may use them.

Thanks, Siva, for commenting.

Thanks, Ieuan, I love your comments/questions. Li Po is famous for his drinking. A tankard wouldn’t be a problem. And dragons are spirits in Chinese culture living in rivers. You’re probably right, that paddling/rowing might work better than wandering. And I can see your point questioning the drinki...

Thanks, Ken

V2: Li Po, Adrift I row alone through these canyons where dragons sleep in purling rivers. Hummingbirds drain the last nectar from a muddy branch’s blossoms. It's the end of autumn and an early snow flies in as cranes fly off over Wu Shan. How quickly sixty years pass! Draining a tankard of wine, ad...

I love your poem, Billy. lOL...easy to identify with!

Thanks, Michael. Your explanation of the stint is very detailed. It sounds awful but it is better to know in advance, to know the questions to ask.

Hi Ken...Yeh, it's weird. I remembered an article I read many years ago on this subject, and that provided the impetus to the poem. Here's an article about this bizarre behavior: https://petkeen.com/are-ostriches-attracted-to-humans/ There are also other articles on the net. I always appreciate hone...