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Thanks, Michael

I nom Billy’s “Searched the Internet”, Ieuan’s “Boomerang” and Ken’s “Testament”.

I’ve never had anything published either. But usually chapbooks are from about 20 pages to 34 pages, one poem per page. Explanations for poems are rare. Billy Collins recommends that you place your strongest poems at the beginning. I have the impression that almost all publishers require that you gu...

Fun one! Congrats

Thanks, Dale

In the original version I would keep the first stanza, cut out the 2nd stanza as Dale suggested, and change the 3rd stanza to reflect only the ex, not the sister.

That last stanza reflects the way I usually go about things. I like the simple language.

Thanks, Ken

Developments in a Dark Room A tray of chemicals in a dark room couldn’t have exposed love any clearer than the moment I saw your face. I didn’t study your portfolio or dive deep into your past. I didn’t interview old boyfriends or seek advice. I didn’t have a checklist for someone to fall in love wi...

And a good one it is, Ieuwan. Much enjoyed.

Well told, flowing narrative. Action, humor. Enjoyed!

Nits: I would cut "pale with fright".

tweaked

Others at Waters suggested expanding on the counting theme. That’s something to try. Work towards accounting for “losses” along with “balancing” them with “counting”gains, and trying to balance the N’s life…work in a ledger or accounting image….The counting theme can be worked up for either the ex o...

Throwing the Boomerang Around At the Y Janet is cycling towards Paris. She will be wintering in Arles or maybe Tuscany a year from now, she assures me. Are you still writing? she asks. "I'm too busy," I answer, "with soccer practices and swimming sessions for our grandchildren.   I'm a downhill skie...

Ah, The allure and dangers of our past tempting us to change our lives, to try and live as we once lived….good subject for a poem. Good narrative… the story flows. The N’s voice hooked me from the start. And I can see the allure….her “ hair as black as the prize stallion her father broke and she rac...

Wow, stellar poem! And that killer close! Kudos

Good, short piece.

Wow, thanks Ken!

I like the imagery… these 2 stanzas stand out

Unaware, the sheets
flutter like frightened
butterflies.

The nightlight
holds my life
in its filament.
A thread
to unravel
to the end.

If Only Time Were Part of the Public Transit System How I long to go back forty years to start again with you. I recall clutching you at 5th and Market St, lunch hour in the Financial District, strangers rubber necking as I tried to kiss you, and you turning away like a weather vane in a torrential ...

Yeh, I like that ending.

Your closings are always good. The list of bad things happening could be trimmed for better impact. That fine closing makes the poem. So I would like to get to it quicker.

I can only echo Ken. Terrific last stanza

I second Like Oil and Vinegar

Pushcart. It was renamed “Madagascar”, and nominated by Autumn Sky Poetry Daily”. You should send them something.