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Michael, I originally had

and yet
you heat me

now I wonder if this would be better

and yet
you keep me
heated

sergio

Hey, Skinny!

You are
the most powerful
oven on earth

you live in Paris
―almost
7 thousand Km
away

and yet
you keep me
heated

Billy, nice poem. I did bump one time, it was the line breaks


he was as thin as
a breeze one barely feels
yet he fretted

this reads better to me

sergio

hahahahaha ok, thanks Bernie!

Sergio

I have Bob, I thought about it right after I finished writing this. I'm still thinking about it.

Sergio

Yes, that is how it will stand, Siva:

Remembering Archer


I dismounted your sex.
Let go of your lips.
Untangled our legs.
Threw out the condoms.

Night started at 8:00
till 4:00 in the morning.

We slept. Huddled up
in wait of the daylight.

That poem marked a change in my psyche, Bernie. My writing changed, my attitude towards trans people changed. That's how much reading and researching that sad, horrible crime affected me. It left a scar.

Sergio

Thank you Siva, thank you Bob. Siva I think I am going to divide the second stanza as you suggest.

Sergio

Remembering Archer

I dismounted your sex.
Let go of your lips.
Untangled our legs.
Threw out the condoms.

Night started at 8:00
till 4:00 in the morning.
We slept. Huddled up
in wait of the daylight.

Siva, I think this is written in the singular:


the means differ[s]

lusted for her diamond[s]

Other than this, I think the poem is great. I've loved your series.

Sergio

Thank you, Siva!


sergio

Thank you Bob, thank you Bernie!

Sergio

How about kindness instead of sweetness, Bernie?

SO

revision I Let Myself Fall I know my life will end the way a storm ceases― dissolved in your image already water I’ll return to your kindness― sparkling wings of dove spread more air than hurricanes a throb under the asphalt awaits ... the stream of life that shapes and destroys me arrives at your s...

Very nice Ken. suicide is never pretty. I love the narrative. Bernie has some good suggestions.

Sergio

Bob, I liked both, the original and the revision. I think they're both excellent.

Sergio

I love this Bernie, but the image of a bald aquarium is intriguing. I've never seen one.

Sergio

Thank you Meena!

Sergio

I thought of just putting "Defeated" as a title but it changes the intent of the poem, so I put it back in. Thank you
CJ


Sergio

Defeated Ecology A body wants to be sea ........ and choose shades of turquoise, of tempest, of calm. A body wants to be tree, have inhabited branches, roots feeding off the ground, ............. and decide modes of density, leaf shapes, ways to burn. How to explain ............. this era of dry se...

Night [again] smears its black along the coast << again is not needed as the last scars of daylight spin off the earth's axis. [And] Death has a stink - you can smell him, like a rotting whale washed up on the high-water mark, infected with a flotilla of worms. << nice My inner child sleeps with the...

Very nice Meena.

Sergio

I like Bob's suggestion but, what is your Victorian. You see I have a degree in The Restoration Period of literature and to me, that's what it is an epoch in history. I guess that what I am saying is that it's too condensed.

Sergio

Thank you Bernie. You found a good translation, that makes me so happy. Thank you Frank, jpauchter, the poem was accepted for publication.


Sergio

Thank you Bob. You are so kind!

Sergio