Search found 285 matches

by capricorn
13 Sep 2019, 02:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Mistaken Identity
Replies: 2
Views: 275

Mistaken Identity

Mistaken Identity I pause to check familiar waves of salt and pepper tucked inside your collar, turned against the biting easterlies' assault. A flurry of magnolia leaves is churned around your wispy frame and I'm enticed to delve into nostalgic reveries: Close-knit; our weekly jaunts were fun and s...
by capricorn
13 Sep 2019, 02:40
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Let Go
Replies: 8
Views: 540

Re: Let Go

I like the way you have used the violin in this, Bob.

It's always tough losing a pet. I've lost many. They are like family.

Eira
by capricorn
13 Sep 2019, 02:37
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: So Many Memories
Replies: 5
Views: 357

Re: So Many Memories

BobBradshaw wrote:
12 Sep 2019, 19:24
nice... I like S2 the best... love the verb flipped. Agree with Ken.... good restraint.
Thanks Bob. I listened to many stories and chose those that touched me most - the last one especially.

Eira
by capricorn
13 Sep 2019, 02:34
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: So Many Memories
Replies: 5
Views: 357

Re: So Many Memories

Kenneth2816 wrote:
12 Sep 2019, 07:45
Good. I was expecting something overly emotional.
Thank you Ken. I was just repeating stories I'd heard - tried not to be over emotional.

Eira
by capricorn
12 Sep 2019, 03:14
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: So Many Memories
Replies: 5
Views: 357

So Many Memories

I apologise if this poem causes offence to anyone. I posted it on another forum on the 10th anniversary of 7/11 and only had one reply saying this was all too raw for anyone to comment. I had just watched a TV programme listening to so many mini stories that moved me to write this. After the reactio...
by capricorn
12 Sep 2019, 02:58
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Rockaway Farms, East Islip -1908.
Replies: 4
Views: 428

Re: Rockaway Farms, East Islip -1908.

Excellent read, Ken. I like the enjambment between St!&2, although I'm not sure about ending the last line of St1 with 'was'. Perhaps

to hang him if he ever came near
the horses again. Three days, I was scared

the Sheriff would come, but
Anse just laughed, said ain't no need

Just a thought
Eira
by capricorn
12 Sep 2019, 02:49
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Venus to Mars Stopover - View of Shinsho-ji-Temple
Replies: 1
Views: 309

Re: Haibun of Venus to Mars Stopover and View of Shinsho-ji-Temple

It is a long time since I read a haibun, I have forgotten the 'rules'. There is a lot to take in on first read but I have enjoyed the read and will be reading again. Just a couple of minor points - Is leas a typo in 'leas of chubby legs' and I feel the ending might read better as He wants so much to...
by capricorn
04 Sep 2019, 01:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Son of a Preacher Man
Replies: 12
Views: 947

Re: Son of a Preacher Man

Thanks for getting back here, Michael. I was not satisfied with 'Secret Love' but I always find titles difficult. Your suggestions are much fresher. I'll consider one now.

Eira
by capricorn
03 Sep 2019, 23:27
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming September IBPC 2019:
Replies: 11
Views: 555

Re: Upcoming September IBPC 2019:

Sorry I missed this, been out all day. Thank you everyone. I've decided on a new title as suggested. “The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose." Trains hiss past their picnic patch; jam sandwiches and ice cream soda - seated on clover, beneath a horse chestnut canopy, its gnarled trunk their lov...
by capricorn
03 Sep 2019, 23:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Son of a Preacher Man
Replies: 12
Views: 947

Re: Son of a Preacher Man

Thanks Ken. I'll accept & post now.
Michael suggested a new title - most I've thought of sound a bit cliché, but I've decided on 'Secret Love'. If you think of anything better please let me know.
Eira
by capricorn
03 Sep 2019, 03:06
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Son of a Preacher Man
Replies: 12
Views: 947

Re: Son of a Preacher Man

Thanks Michael,

I can see what you mean and will make the change now.
Will think on the title.

Eira
by capricorn
03 Sep 2019, 02:50
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Found you Again on Facebook
Replies: 8
Views: 700

Re: Found you Again on Facebook

Kenneth2816 wrote:
28 Aug 2019, 22:22
Eira. This is a warm, inviting poem
Since you have Facebook in the title, I concur about ending with launch or change the wording
Have deleted last stanza

Eira
by capricorn
03 Sep 2019, 02:47
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Found you Again on Facebook
Replies: 8
Views: 700

Re: Found you Again on Facebook

BobBradshaw wrote:
28 Aug 2019, 19:37
Lovely, warmhearted poem....I would end the poem on "paunch".
Yes, I suppose the last stanza is not needed
by capricorn
03 Sep 2019, 02:46
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Found you Again on Facebook
Replies: 8
Views: 700

Re: Found you Again on Facebook

SivaRamanathan wrote:
28 Aug 2019, 05:08
Liked reading this.Till the logging out, everything sounds as if it is a face to face recognition.

S
It is memories, Siva
by capricorn
03 Sep 2019, 02:46
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Found you Again on Facebook
Replies: 8
Views: 700

Re: Found you Again on Facebook

SivaRamanathan wrote:
28 Aug 2019, 05:08
Liked reading this.Till the logging out, everything sounds as if it is a face to face recognition.

S
It is memories, Siva
by capricorn
28 Aug 2019, 03:06
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Found you Again on Facebook
Replies: 8
Views: 700

Found you Again on Facebook

Found You Again on Facebook A feather-touch on my shoulder and husky whisper - Like to Dance? We twisted, jived, eyes writing love-notes. You fed me Black Magic, hungry lips mouthing frisky fingertips. The faded box still hides your letters at the back of my wardrobe. You were a sandy-haired Paul Mc...
by capricorn
28 Aug 2019, 02:08
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Son of a Preacher Man
Replies: 12
Views: 947

Re: Son of a Preacher Man

BobBradshaw wrote:
25 Aug 2019, 19:52
I echo the others... well done...especially liked “breath held until gasping”
Thanks Bob for pointing out the line you liked.
Eira
by capricorn
28 Aug 2019, 02:06
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Son of a Preacher Man
Replies: 12
Views: 947

Re: Son of a Preacher Man

Kenneth2816 wrote:
25 Aug 2019, 13:58
I think you do a good job in a few lines. Good example of show, don't tell.
Thanks for your comments, Ken. This one was a lot longer originally, so I'm glad the tightening has worked.
Eira
by capricorn
28 Aug 2019, 02:02
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Son of a Preacher Man
Replies: 12
Views: 947

Re: Son of a Preacher Man

meenas17 wrote:
25 Aug 2019, 10:38
Love the way you present the details of their dress.
Colours play a role to enhance the romantic scenario.
Brylcreemed black makes one smile.
The hawk eyed granny always watchful of the hide and seek disallows a more passionate experience.

Enjoyed.
Thanks Meena - glad you enjoyed
Eira
by capricorn
28 Aug 2019, 02:00
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Loose Ends
Replies: 4
Views: 574

Re: The Loose Ends

Love this Meena. Wonderful subject for a poem. A few thoughts below. The sari draped over the shoulder hangs like a pendulum oscillate in the breeze. Should that be 'oscillates'? Freely suspended loose ends look elegance - perhaps 'elegant' I do not restrict the flow with a brooch or a matching pin....
by capricorn
24 Aug 2019, 03:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Son of a Preacher Man
Replies: 12
Views: 947

Son of a Preacher Man

Son of a Preacher Man Trains hiss past their picnic patch; jam sandwiches and ice cream soda - seated on clover, beneath a horse chestnut canopy, its gnarled trunk their love-seat back. Sun blazes; leafy drapes eclipse a first kiss – eyes wide, lips tight, breath held until gasping. On Sunday, in be...
by capricorn
24 Aug 2019, 03:06
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Owl and the Blackbird
Replies: 10
Views: 1980

Re: The Owl and the Blackbird

Billy wrote:
11 Aug 2019, 07:17
Sweet. Can’t come up with anything to improve it. Good as is.
Thanks Billy
by capricorn
24 Aug 2019, 03:05
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Forty Eight Days After Forty Years-- Athi Varadar
Replies: 5
Views: 703

Re: Forty Eight Days After Forty Years-- Athi Varadar

A lovely and fascinating poem, Meena. I love the use of 'throng' in St1. but of wood of the fig tree. "Athi " being the Tamil name. Perhaps trim this to 'but of fig tree wood' The priests and the administration revel with rejoice. Perhaps 'revel with rejoicing' The unusual stay does not pass without...
by capricorn
24 Aug 2019, 01:31
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Twenty Two Boys Go on an European Tour
Replies: 3
Views: 648

Re: Twenty Two Boys Go on an European Tour

Hi Siva - just needs some tightening up. Here are a few suggestions: [ ] indicates deletes A group of boys[, we called Lords], from Loyola are sent on an European packaged tour Grandpa entreats the brothers at Loyola to take two more lads from the Presidential College we called them little princes,...
by capricorn
11 Aug 2019, 02:52
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Owl and the Blackbird
Replies: 10
Views: 1980

Re: The Owl and the Blackbird

BobBradshaw wrote:
23 Jul 2019, 07:21
A fun poem... charmed
Thanks Bob - enjoyed writing this one :D

Eira

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