New York Write to Pitch Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, and Poetry Forums

I agree with Frank's comments, there is so much to like about this poem. I feel st1 could read a little smoother though - the fist couple of lines read a bit jerky and there areb2 of's in line 2. Perhaps something like - Outside his Pompeii house the tragic poet has a mosaic to greet visitors - Cave...

a really interesting read - I love the ending - thought provoking.

Eira

Wow Frank, this poem is awesome. You have obviously put a lot of work into writing it. Fingers crossed you'll get it published soon, you really deserve it.

Eira

I agree with Ken - you have pathos and humour here. I enjoyed the read.

The long title could almost be the 1st stanza - or perhaps a short title and 1st stanza.

I Hesitated

too long, my lips just
beginning to pucker when
she opened her eyes.

Just a thought
Eira

  Hi Eira, Long narrative in short form: Fortunately, my itinerary was modified Tuesday afternoon, starting with a phone call from the doctor, as I was leaving the drive from home. Thus, it became Wednesday afternoon before I launched the 3 to the finals. Good Luck to the Writer's Block 8) Michael ...

So glad you are ok Michael.

Just noticed that I accidentally missed out St4 from my poem which was quite an important verse. I have added it in now but think I am too late - you must have sent them off by now? I suppose there's no chance to change it now?

Eira

Thanks Frank

Best wishes for Thurs/Fri Michael. My thoughts will be with you.

Eira

Eira Needham presentideaseira@hotmail.com This is my original and unpublished work and I am not representing another board Old Armchair Leaving the mizzle I turn Mam’s front door key into emptiness - step into her parlour, gold velour drapes the window bay; keepsakes scatter any gloom and past guest...

Thanks Bob

I like this one, Frank. Seconded.

Eira

I like this one, Frank. Seconded.

Eira

Thanks for the nom Bob & Ken.

I second Bob's LiPo Adrift
and Franks No Curtain Call

Eira

I think this was the first poem I posted at WB and I've been working on it again. The Old Armchair Leaving the mizzle I turn Mam’s front door key into emptiness - step into her parlour, gold velour draping the window bay; keepsakes scatter any gloom and past guests brush by for tea and cakes, gossip...

Thanks Bob & Frank, I had great fun writing this (and revising). I love birds. We don't live in the countryside, but have so many come into our garden - besides blackbirds we see pigeons, magpies, ravens, thrushes, sparrows, gulls blue tits and a robin ... and occasionally a heron (looking to see if...

Bob makes some good suggestions, Frank. This is a mammoth piece - I feel you should concentrate on one section at a time. It's amazing you wrote it in 20 mins.

Eira

BobBradshaw wrote: ↑

29 Jun 2022, 04:56

Thanks, Eira. Good point. I have changed the stanza to;

I sense there are more storms
flashing knives
lined up off the coast.
There will be shorter

Yes Bob - that is brilliant now.

Eira

I thought it was time to post something again.

My muse has gone! I've decided to revisit old poems to give them an overhaul. Although this poem was ok I thought I'd rewrite with a different slant.
It's got my brain thinking!

Eira

Amazing poem, Ken. I love the metaphor.

Legend says the plant emerges
only where there is discord or
sadness among family and friends,

Fascinating details. Really enjoyed reading this.

Eira

Hi Bob, A very moving poem, the last stanza is so sad. On first read I can see nothing to change only perhaps this stanza I sense there are more storms lined up as far as the eyes can see off the coast. Perhaps for conciseness I sense more storms are lined up as far as eyes can see also is 'as far a...

Wow! Frank.

This is amazing and must have taken ages to write. I suppose it is more like prose. I agree with Bob about trimming back it will make it more accessible to the reader.

Eira

This made me smile, Bob as I saw something on TV recently about ostrich's mating and their elaborate foreplay. I really enjoyed the details and the humour.
Eira

Well written, Ken and very thought provoking.
Eira

Well done for writing this, Frank. It's over my head - wouldn't know where to start.
Eira

BobBradshaw wrote: ↑

06 May 2022, 05:58

Lovely. I love the tenderness and warmth in that closing line.

Thanks Bob, but I couldn't resist another revision.

Eira