Search found 4 matches
- 10 Oct 2018, 14:02
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Gurkha Officer [revised]
- Replies: 10
- Views: 16371
Re: The Gurkha Officer
the poem is an easy read, I like the portrait of the soldier. nice work.
- 10 Oct 2018, 13:54
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: he sat close to the bar
- Replies: 5
- Views: 9355
Re: he sat close to the bar
I really love the ending "right up God's asshole." I like that his voice comes through loud and clear. Authentic.
- 10 Oct 2018, 13:47
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Bride of Frankenstein
- Replies: 7
- Views: 11514
Re: Bride of Frankenstein
I think the last 5-6 stanzas of the poem deliver the real meat of the subject. Very strong. The flow of the poem over all is a bit jerky for me. Maybe consider longer lines?
I do like the imagery such as "flames from a torched tree" and others.
I do like the imagery such as "flames from a torched tree" and others.
- 10 Oct 2018, 13:14
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Unblemished (revision)
- Replies: 9
- Views: 14879
Re: Unblemished
"She slumps in a chair, thinks about when life begins, her future spinning away, a bottle of booze and a broken TV." I think it would read better if you were to change spinning to spins and omit the last 2 lines. The bottle of booze part weakens any empathy the reader has for this woman before the l...