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by BobBradshaw
05 Mar 2020, 04:19
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming March IBPC 2020:
Replies: 9
Views: 1615

Re: Upcoming March IBPC 2020:

Thx, Michael Bob Bradshaw bobbybradshw@yahoo.com This is my original, unpublished work, not representing any other forum. Laika Don't do this, I whimpered. He held me squirming in his beefy hands. “Congrats, comrade, you’re now a cosmonaut.” For weeks I trained, circling in dizzying orbits around a ...
by BobBradshaw
04 Mar 2020, 21:20
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming March IBPC 2020:
Replies: 9
Views: 1615

Re: Upcoming March IBPC 2020:

Thank you, Eira. Michael, Siva wrote to me and wants to withdraw her nom since she has a nomination at another forum. So please withdraw "Paperfall". Thx, Bob
by BobBradshaw
02 Mar 2020, 22:39
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming March IBPC 2020:
Replies: 9
Views: 1615

Re: Upcoming March IBPC 2020:

I nominate Eira's "Found You Again on Facebook" and Siva's "Paperfall"
by BobBradshaw
01 Mar 2020, 21:34
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: (Reworked)Paperfall
Replies: 4
Views: 1185

Re: Paperfall

Between these two last stanzas I think you need another one, expanding on the artist herself, something personal and maybe disturbing...also, the cataract stanza that "falls in a flow"....cataract alone tells us it is plunging....so "falls in a flow" just repeats what we already know....maybe a whit...
by BobBradshaw
01 Mar 2020, 06:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: (Reworked)Paperfall
Replies: 4
Views: 1185

Re: Paperfall

As I said before, I like the quiet restraint of this poem. Especially sections I and II. The third section doesn’t work as well. I am expecting it to tie in with the first 2 sections more clearly. The conclusion doesn’t seem to grow naturally out of what preceded it. Should you go with just the firs...
by BobBradshaw
28 Feb 2020, 06:47
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Laika
Replies: 4
Views: 1737

Re: Laika, First Dog in Space

I used your suggestions, Michael...the poem is much improved. Thank you
by BobBradshaw
27 Feb 2020, 21:32
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Laika
Replies: 4
Views: 1737

Re: Laika, First Dog in Space

A lot of good suggestions, Michael. I will use some of them. Thx
by BobBradshaw
25 Feb 2020, 00:08
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Boys of Summer
Replies: 7
Views: 1522

Re: Boys of Summer

Thanks, Siva
by BobBradshaw
23 Feb 2020, 21:46
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Boys of Summer
Replies: 7
Views: 1522

Re: Boys of Summer

Thanks, Michael... and to Siva for her suggestions
by BobBradshaw
22 Feb 2020, 21:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Boys of Summer
Replies: 7
Views: 1522

Re: Boys of Summer

Thx, Siva... I simplified the poem. Let me know your thoughts.
by BobBradshaw
22 Feb 2020, 01:42
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Boys of Summer
Replies: 7
Views: 1522

Boys of Summer

V2: Boys of Summer A ball leaped past my glove like a hare through a hole in a hedge, runners circling the bases. Other fathers raced onto the field, the game over, chattering like infielders. My father sulked in the car behind tinted glass. There were only errors in 1960, the year I was given a bus...
by BobBradshaw
21 Feb 2020, 01:34
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Found you Again on Facebook (revision 2)
Replies: 18
Views: 5203

Re: Found you Again on Facebook (revision 2)

This is a nom for sure, and I believe a winner... such a charmer...
by BobBradshaw
21 Feb 2020, 01:31
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Found you Again on Facebook (revision 2)
Replies: 18
Views: 5203

Re: Found you Again on Facebook (revision 2)

Yes! Your revision is terrific.... love the ending
by BobBradshaw
20 Feb 2020, 05:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Man on Moon
Replies: 8
Views: 1828

Re: Man on Moon

Thx, Eira
by BobBradshaw
18 Feb 2020, 22:52
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Man on Moon
Replies: 8
Views: 1828

Re: Man on Moon

Thanks, Siva
by BobBradshaw
17 Feb 2020, 22:04
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Man on Moon
Replies: 8
Views: 1828

Re: Man on Moon

The only difference is that the first version ended on "shared" instead of "discovered". Let me know which you prefer, shared or discovered, as the last line.
by BobBradshaw
17 Feb 2020, 06:43
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Man on Moon
Replies: 8
Views: 1828

Re: Man on Moon

Thx, Michael.... discovered it is
by BobBradshaw
17 Feb 2020, 01:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Man on Moon
Replies: 8
Views: 1828

Man on Moon

Man on Moon How I've longed to be that woman folded within a man's arms that I always see at an airport. Others sweep by like water past a creek's stone. I stop and watch. My arms hold the emptiness of a sleepwalker as I gaze at the moon and wonder about the astronaut shuffling across its chalky sur...
by BobBradshaw
16 Feb 2020, 22:57
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Found you Again on Facebook (revision 2)
Replies: 18
Views: 5203

Re: Found you Again on Facebook (revision)

I like this, especially the mix of song names intertwined in it. I think you have one too many descriptive lines though...I like this one the least...Taking it out would improve the poem. hungry lips mouthing frisky fingertips I like the poem's concept( an old one, but updated with the Facebook inte...
by BobBradshaw
14 Feb 2020, 07:41
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Laika
Replies: 4
Views: 1737

Laika

V2: Laika Don't do this, I whimpered. He held me squirming in his beefy hands. “Congrats, comrade, you’re now a cosmonaut.” For weeks I trained, circling in dizzying orbits around a centrifuge's roaring axis, my pounding heart furiously rattling its cage. I kept barking out my concerns but the engin...
by BobBradshaw
11 Feb 2020, 21:38
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sunrise on the Cauvery at Pugalur
Replies: 4
Views: 1587

Re: Sunrise At Pugalur

I like this. I would replace "to be submerged and dead" with "to drown". I would add "the" before track. I would cut "I suppose". I have a question....Do the oxen actually walk across the water? Or through it? These are minor questions or nits. I like the closing couplet a lot. Although being picky ...
by BobBradshaw
06 Feb 2020, 21:34
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: So
Replies: 3
Views: 1492

Re: So

This is a terrific subject, Siva. Keep mining your rich culture. Stanza 1 is a lovely beginning, with a nice flow to it. It sets the table clearly. It says we can choose our next life...however, the second stanza muddles this idea...it seems to say we will simply extend whatever conflict we're in wh...
by BobBradshaw
04 Feb 2020, 04:28
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Darker Side of Watermelons
Replies: 6
Views: 1933

Re: The Darker Side of Watermelons

Thx, Suva.... I will use your suggestions. I have tweaked the piece. A poem drafted a few years back, that I wanted to work on...
by BobBradshaw
01 Feb 2020, 23:14
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Darker Side of Watermelons
Replies: 6
Views: 1933

The Darker Side of Watermelons

The Darker Side of Watermelons Rows of watermelons dozed in bins, assured of their future as students on full scholarship. Days later they came crashing down. Witnesses leaped back as the watermelons wobbled left down a sloping road. We followed as they zigzagged for the beach. One man reported glan...
by BobBradshaw
01 Feb 2020, 22:53
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: The Nestling (rev2)
Replies: 9
Views: 2577

Re: The Nestling (rev2)

Eira, you need to post this on the nomination page for ibpc

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