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by BobBradshaw
19 Jan 2020, 23:04
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Follow the Poem
Replies: 4
Views: 1496

Re: Follow the Poem

shortened
by BobBradshaw
19 Jan 2020, 22:33
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Black as the coal workers, soot collects in her hair.
Replies: 8
Views: 2742

Re: Black as the coal workers, the soot collects in her hair.

This is good, Siva. I like how your work your culture into your poems, sometimes in surprising ways. An example is here, in these lines: so she begged oil and the powder of green leaves ‘shikaki’to help them scrub. Some small suggestions: 1) remove "real" from S1...unnecessary 2) in S2, simplify it ...
by BobBradshaw
17 Jan 2020, 10:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Emily Dickinson, In Love
Replies: 8
Views: 2209

Re: Emily Dickinson, In Love

Thx, Siva....the period at the end has been rolled into place. By the way, happy new year, and may you write many wonderful poems in 2020....best, Bob
by BobBradshaw
16 Jan 2020, 22:26
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Follow the Poem
Replies: 4
Views: 1496

Re: Follow the Poem

Revised...see V2
by BobBradshaw
16 Jan 2020, 22:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Emily Dickinson, In Love
Replies: 8
Views: 2209

Re: Emily Dickinson, In Love

I “borrowed” that image from an Emily Dickinson poem...wanted to make the poem more authentic. However, that doesn’t keep it from sounding contrived in this poem. Thx for commenting,Siva
by BobBradshaw
16 Jan 2020, 06:10
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Follow the Poem
Replies: 4
Views: 1496

Follow the Poem

V3: Follow the Poem I am a poem for you. Believe in me as you would a valentine from a secret admirer. I will find you a love. Like a Hollywood studio I will dispatch my best talent scouts to discover her. While other couples sit across from each other at meals, heads bowed, lost in their phones as ...
by BobBradshaw
09 Jan 2020, 21:28
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Emily Dickinson, In Love
Replies: 8
Views: 2209

Emily Dickinson, In Love

Emily Dickinson, In Love

Though never spoken of
marriage had been in the air—

as inevitable as pollen--
or birdsong in mid-summer.

Imagine when she heard—
Henry—engaged—

her heart's chandelier--
wrecked on the heart's floor.
by BobBradshaw
06 Jan 2020, 23:29
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: It Is About Algi
Replies: 2
Views: 1233

Re: It Is About Algi

Good poem....Don't wince, but I have some very minor suggestions. I would cut the first stanza, and change the first line of S2 to read "Every Sunday, my chef Algi", moving "has" to the next line. On S3 change the last line to "totaling their costs"....one action instead of 2 actions(segregating and...
by BobBradshaw
05 Jan 2020, 21:30
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Escape from Routine
Replies: 5
Views: 2210

Re: Escape from Routine

Eira, your poem is nominated for the IBPC. Can you post it? Thx
by BobBradshaw
04 Jan 2020, 20:41
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming January IBPC 2020:
Replies: 13
Views: 3331

Re: Upcoming January IBPC 2020:

"Escape from Routine", if I had to choose
by BobBradshaw
04 Jan 2020, 00:08
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Marakuli
Replies: 6
Views: 2419

Re: Marakuli

Your poem is nominated
by BobBradshaw
02 Jan 2020, 21:31
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming January IBPC 2020:
Replies: 13
Views: 3331

Re: Upcoming January IBPC 2020:

Thanks, Michael Bob Bradshaw bobbybradshw@yahoo.com the poem is my original and unpublished work and I don't have a poem committed to represent another board in the current IBPC. The Moon Walk It’s nearly another anniversary of the day Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin bounced across a powdery surface,...
by BobBradshaw
31 Dec 2019, 21:27
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Wishing All A Happy 2020
Replies: 1
Views: 1000

Re: Wishing All A Happy 2020

That's sweet, meenas. Happy New Year to you and the rest of WB as well!
by BobBradshaw
30 Dec 2019, 21:49
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: Upcoming January IBPC 2020:
Replies: 13
Views: 3331

Re: Upcoming January IBPC 2020:

I nominate Siva's "Marakuli", Eira's "Escape from Routine" and Meenas' "A Manoeuvre"..... Michael, happy new year...may it be fun and filled with good writing....
by BobBradshaw
30 Dec 2019, 21:44
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: My Eyes Grow Yellow
Replies: 3
Views: 1259

Re: My Eyes Grow Yellow

Ok.....but first let me wish you a Happy New Year, and many glorious poems in 2020
by BobBradshaw
29 Dec 2019, 23:47
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: My Eyes Grow Yellow
Replies: 3
Views: 1259

Re: My Eyes Grow Yellow

This is a terrific subject..."an ordinary woman" comparing herself to her beloved mom. You do a good job, but again compressing the poem will improve it. I've tried to come up with an example. I rush off to school, juggling awkward books, always stooping to pick one up, as Mom, dressed in a pretty s...
by BobBradshaw
28 Dec 2019, 22:20
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: New Year's Resolutions
Replies: 0
Views: 1568

New Year's Resolutions

New Year's Resolutions By my mid thirties I looked like an old man, two thirds of my hair a white fog. The white hairs were like notes warning of foreclosure, arriving more and more frequently. But did I change my life, set off on a yacht, circumnavigating the globe? No, I ignored my whitening hair....
by BobBradshaw
27 Dec 2019, 10:45
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Traveling With You Through Space
Replies: 0
Views: 1548

Traveling With You Through Space

Traveling With You Through Space Oh the memory....when we first kissed every fiber in my body stood up longing for your approval. Had they believed you would only return with Haley's Comet, they would have sworn their loyalty, combing the skies nightly for signs of you. Your kisses pulled me into yo...
by BobBradshaw
27 Dec 2019, 10:28
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Coming Back
Replies: 16
Views: 3714

Re: Coming Back

Thanks for your help, Eira. Have a great new year!
by BobBradshaw
25 Dec 2019, 00:40
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Coming Back
Replies: 16
Views: 3714

Re: Chicken Soup In Times of Disaster

What do you think of cutting the 1st two stanzas ans starting in S3?
by BobBradshaw
23 Dec 2019, 21:05
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Coming Back
Replies: 16
Views: 3714

Re: Chicken Soup In Times of Disaster

Thanks so much, Eira. Any ideas for a new title?
by BobBradshaw
22 Dec 2019, 09:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Coming Back
Replies: 16
Views: 3714

Re: Chicken Soup In Times of Disaster

Another revision....
by BobBradshaw
21 Dec 2019, 22:01
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Ellen and Waldo Emerson
Replies: 5
Views: 1914

Re: Ellen and Waldo Emerson

No, I'm not counting syllables..."whatever" is standalone for emphasis....but if it doesn't work well to do that, I would like to know and include it in the next line. Bob

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