Thanks, Bernie. Your suggestion about weighted is right on. I will use your
‘packed’. You’re such a help...appreciate it...Bob
Search found 2683 matches
- 15 Dec 2017, 23:15
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Painter Goes to Work
- Replies: 4
- Views: 8179
- 15 Dec 2017, 07:48
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Painter Goes to Work
- Replies: 4
- Views: 8179
The Painter Goes to Work
The Painter Goes to Work It was intolerable to think of Theo delaying his marriage, short on money. Where were his paintings destined for? Exhibitions in Paris? Brussels? No, for Theo's crowded apartment. Where would Theo and Jo put a cradle? Perhaps it would be best for Theo if he gave up painting....
- 15 Dec 2017, 04:08
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Unfinished Sketch
- Replies: 6
- Views: 11071
Re: Unfinished Sketch
I see these stories told by 3 different speakers. There is more impact for me if I read them as 3 separate poems. By far the last one has more punch, and is so contemporary in its subject matter. The language is scintillating, the lines all bound beautifully together. I would publish it as is. The m...
- 15 Dec 2017, 03:56
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Ceramics
- Replies: 8
- Views: 13435
Re: Ceramics
Thanks, Ieuan, for thinking about this poem. But I don’t see the girl as having an ailment. If anything she has teenage angst, depression over probably a boy...teenagers can become non-communicative, withdrawing from their parents... but the mother is able to reestablish communication and rapport Wi...
- 13 Dec 2017, 05:08
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Ceramics
- Replies: 8
- Views: 13435
Re: Ceramics
I'm glad this piece worked....to some degree it's a different style for me....thx for the feedback...Bob
- 13 Dec 2017, 05:06
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Public Library
- Replies: 4
- Views: 8028
Re: Public Library
Bernie, Kenneth, Michael -- many thanks!
- 12 Dec 2017, 22:21
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Ceramics
- Replies: 8
- Views: 13435
Ceramics
Ceramics I've watched you poring over ceramic books as intensely as you have over our daughter's diary when garrulous all her life she turned silent and as deaf as a trap door vanishing into her own world and yet you never doubted you could help her anymore than you doubted you could fix a shattered...
- 12 Dec 2017, 22:19
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Heart With No Permanent Address
- Replies: 10
- Views: 18905
Re: Heart With No Permanent Address
This is lovely....I could quote every line....the tenderness of this poem is heartbreaking....
- 12 Dec 2017, 22:18
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Love too Much
- Replies: 5
- Views: 8971
Re: Love too Much
I like Bernie's suggestions. Also, I very much like this line:
Her English falters,
moments hang like old curtains stripped of finery.
Her English falters,
moments hang like old curtains stripped of finery.
- 09 Dec 2017, 21:53
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Ancient Moorings (Revision I)
- Replies: 10
- Views: 20029
Re: Ancient Moorings
I love the first 3 stanzas...it's so nice to work scent into a poem
Behind the farmhouse,
a smell of manure
from the corrals.
The buzz of blowflies
from the pig sty.
Scent of wild herbs from pastures.
Whiffs of ripening berries
from my mother’s orchard.
Behind the farmhouse,
a smell of manure
from the corrals.
The buzz of blowflies
from the pig sty.
Scent of wild herbs from pastures.
Whiffs of ripening berries
from my mother’s orchard.
- 09 Dec 2017, 01:05
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Death Of A Light Heavyweight
- Replies: 8
- Views: 13543
Re: Death Of A Light Heavyweight
Wow, this is gorgeous, Bernie....and what a world class ending...what a punch. It's a remarkable poem from top to bottom. I love these lines: The mahogany coffin of my father polished and smooth like his white shirt. His face closely shaven, unmarked. No sign of 175 fights in half-filled gyms. No ev...
- 08 Dec 2017, 23:53
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Called Away
- Replies: 7
- Views: 14775
Re: Called Away
Kenneth expresses pretty much the way I feel. It's a lyrical, beautiful poem. The heart of the poem lies in the contrast of the first two stanzas. The third stanza is the punch delivered...and allows the poem to settle gracefully into the last stanza....
- 08 Dec 2017, 23:48
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Public Library
- Replies: 4
- Views: 8028
Public Library
Public Library They're like passengers waiting all night for the next flight at SFO, slumped deep in chairs with books and magazines. Why aren't they home reading? Why pile up here with their coats and rucksacks? Do they live in tiny rooms that smell of urine and bleach? Is that why this well-lit ro...
- 07 Dec 2017, 23:00
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Clipped Wings
- Replies: 5
- Views: 8706
Re: Clipped Wings
Thanks, Bernie....I owe any improvement to you....best
- 07 Dec 2017, 10:10
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Clipped Wings
- Replies: 5
- Views: 8706
Re: Doppler
Bernie, I have unscrupulously taken advantage of your generous suggestions, 'borrowing' some of your lines. Who else is so generous with his ideas? Thank you.....Best, Bob
- 07 Dec 2017, 02:11
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Clipped Wings
- Replies: 5
- Views: 8706
Re: Doppler
I agree. It's too awkward ...well, I'll think about a simpler approach. Your comments are very helpful. Best, Bob
- 06 Dec 2017, 20:39
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Clipped Wings
- Replies: 5
- Views: 8706
Clipped Wings
newest version: Clipped Wings I lead parallel lives: by day I’m as irreproachable as a family bible clutched to the chest of a young woman. At night I’m restless, thinking of you. I stare out windows lonely, my eyes turned in your direction. Work takes you like a migratory bird north and sou...
- 05 Dec 2017, 10:24
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Half Moon Bay
- Replies: 8
- Views: 15789
Re: Half Moon Bay
Gracy, thank you for your warm sharing
Bernie, you always come up with lots of interesting options....often they're more entertaining than the piece itself....I really enjoy your writing(and comments)...best
Bernie, you always come up with lots of interesting options....often they're more entertaining than the piece itself....I really enjoy your writing(and comments)...best
- 05 Dec 2017, 10:18
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Orang Asli
- Replies: 10
- Views: 18739
Re: Orang Asli
This is one of your better poems...I love how the narrative plays out....I like Gracy's suggestions....I'm not sure if I like the 'over indulgence' line...other than that I'm thrilled with it. Kudos
- 03 Dec 2017, 01:11
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Kanchipuram Saree. (Revised)
- Replies: 18
- Views: 34758
Re: The Kanchipuram Saree. (Revised)
For example, I would get rid of the deliberations line...too prosy, and tighten the exuberance line; also, you don't need both...classicism and masterpiece...nail the details and usually the music follows
a classicism.
A masterpiece.
a classicism.
A masterpiece.
- 03 Dec 2017, 01:08
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Kanchipuram Saree. (Revised)
- Replies: 18
- Views: 34758
Re: The Kanchipuram Saree. (Revised)
I like Frank's suggestions....and more tightening can be done in 'The weave...' stanza...since this poem has so much potential, and so much good writing already, we might as well customize its wear as much as possible....I'll drop back to look later....thx
- 03 Dec 2017, 01:05
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Mozart on the Road
- Replies: 6
- Views: 10186
Re: Mozart on the Road
Meena, Bernie --thx ...so glad it works.
Frank, I'm glad you like the ending....wasn't sure it worked well enough
Frank, I'm glad you like the ending....wasn't sure it worked well enough
- 03 Dec 2017, 01:02
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Half Moon Bay
- Replies: 8
- Views: 15789
Re: Half Moon Bay
Kenneth, thanks--
Frank, thx for the suggestions...I'll take you up on a couple...best
Frank, thx for the suggestions...I'll take you up on a couple...best
- 02 Dec 2017, 22:14
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Half Moon Bay
- Replies: 8
- Views: 15789
Half Moon Bay
Half Moon Bay Dogs race to greet Sonny. They exchange deep throated barks of affection. Then they’re off-- running up the beach. They sprint short distances like a volleyball team back and forth. Or roll in dunes in a twisting pile like rugby players. Many people are determined never to be happy. Bu...
- 02 Dec 2017, 22:13
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: A Geoprosco Log
- Replies: 12
- Views: 16763
Re: A Geoprosco Log
OH, this shortened version is so good! Really marvelous writing here...send it out. Good writing makes my day...thank you.