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The Owl and the Blackbird I’m just drifting off when he stirs. It’s barely light but up he hops, clears his throat ready to warble - Blackbird singin’ in the dead of night I cringe, pull the duvet over my head, hear him scratching, scuttling about, then peep out, see him strut around crest still in ...

Clever poem, Billy. Really enjoyed.
Eira

What a beautiful poem, Bob. I loved it from the start.

Dressed in tutus
of sumptuous oranges,
reds and pinks, the ladies
pose en pointe à la pirouette
as if photographers


What gorgeous imagery!

I can offer no suggestions better than Michael offered.

Eira

FranktheFrank wrote: ↑

29 Jun 2019, 01:28

Eria
I prefer this to all that have gone before.
A pal is constantly reminding me of the power of first drafts.
I think I'll nominate this.

Thanks for the nom Frank, but I knew I'd posted too late. Glad you liked it.

Eira

Some good lines Kenneth. I don't think this has failed, just needs a bit of work.
Eira

You have the bones of a good poem here, Meena, but as Bob says it needs a good trim back.
I too like these lines

Residing in a small temple
in the middle of sparse
vegetation where Banyan
and Palmyrah trees
render life

I look forward to any revisions you make.
Eira

Patches Revenge Dozing, I slip into vivid reverie, see him chase the cat that slept across Sheba’s resting place beneath the Braeburn tree. At breakfast I announce I’ve had a premonition; one day we’ll have a Dalmatian to chase away the cats. Oh yes! My family laugh. Four years elapse; I miss canine...

Really like this poem, Siva and your revision has improved it well.
Eira

Love this poem, Michael and the use of 'antique'

You're certainly not old, but in my experience, once a person gets to 60, they begin to think more about aging.
Eira

Very nicely done, Billy. Good luck with your book of poems!

Eira

Eira Needham presentideaseira@hotmail.com This is my original unpublished work not representing any other board. My Mother's Flashbacks I saw your father last night Two years have passed since his demise shook me, waves radiating from my epicentre. In the aftershock, I whispered to her of his slippi...

Thanks Michael - that's a big help.

Eira

Thanks Michael & Frank. I can accept the nom ' My Mother's Flashbacks' if chosen.

I second Bob's La Brea and Frank's Vir Triumphalis.

Sorry I'm not here much these days - house renovations take a lot of organizing!

Eira

This is a winner, Ken. Great revision.

Eira

Wow Meena! This had me sitting on the edge of my chair from beginning to end - and what a fantastic end. Most Unexpected. I really enjoyed this.

Eira

This is a poem whose power is muted, yet evident through the use of good poetics. I have one nit Two years have passed since his demise shook me, waves radiating from my epicentre. In the aftershock, I think this earthquakes analogy doesn't fit with the balance of the poem and is stale by compariso...

Michael (MV) wrote: ↑

22 May 2019, 04:08

empathy in the flashback

the italicized infrastructure is seamless and emotionally fracturing

like a split (divorced) screen

technique effectively in service to the familia trauma





Michael (MV)

Thanks Michael,

I'm glad the italicized words work for you.

Eira

BobBradshaw wrote: ↑

21 May 2019, 20:25

Gorgeous writing....everything works ....great last 2 lines

unaware the broken butterfly would
not settle on her breast again.

Thanks Bob - your opinion means a lot to me.

Eira

meenas17 wrote: ↑

21 May 2019, 17:53

The poem is an echo of the hurt.
The one liners enhance the pathos.
The love, for the man who divorced her and married another, is well portrayed.
I did feel the hurt and suffering your mom had.
Emotional!

Thanks Meena - I'm glad this worked for you.

Eira

Well Writer Block is on a roll this month some marvellous poems from all members. This has lots of ambition to winkle out every nuance of meaning and feeling in this tale of infidelity and the pain to those closest. No nits, although I wonder if you really need 'shook me' in L2 I Like the implied c...

Flashbacks I saw your father last night Two years have passed since his demise shook me, waves radiating from my epicentre. In the aftershock, I whispered to her of his slipping away, but she was lost in a mass of tangles. Aw - he looked so handsome He wore a flat cap in winter to warm his shiny pat...

Wow, Billy! These are wonderful. A train of kissing haiku.

There is so much to take in here, I'll have to read again.

Eira

Love this one Meena - you are on a roll! A few thoughts below. I Am in a buffet, laid out in a garden. a pond besides the stars twinkle. The moon is full. Walks with me towards the table lights up [a] rows of dishes exotic and delicious. Salads, rice, roti, potato fries, soup, and many more. Veggie...

  Hi Eira, Wow Michael, you have given me so much to think on here (which I like!) I have always has a fascination for haiku/senryu but never do very well at writing.   a 3-line micro-form; that 3rd line crowds the senryu - and, too, there is that abstraction "joy" if filtering for a senryu, consid...

BobBradshaw wrote: ↑

17 May 2019, 20:03

Nice

Thanks Bob