New York Pitch Conference Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, and Poetry Forums

Good Luck Eira

I second Eiras poem as she has written it

I second Lagos

Well deserved Bob, Congrats

Heart With No Permanent Address

Bernie

It is plainly told. That doesn't make it a bad poem

I think you should expand this to verse 48, include her washing his feet with her hair, one of the most poignant descriptions of devotion in the Bible.
It isn't bad as is, but I see a missed opportunity. Nicely done.

Can someone please block this asshat?

Nom this for March IBPC

Bring this into present tense Bob.Let us visit it with you.

Nice imagery. I esp. love "pagan crows" preceding Alexander

His horse was named Bucephalus, conjoined with the rental horse.

Then nailed mallards as to faded lawn ducks, a commentary for the newly weds on how most marriages end up.

You're always as good with what is not said.

Quite lovely

A pump in his pocket keep s him alive; bilge of old seawater from a dying planet. He is ancient even in earth years. Everyone he's ever known in two worlds is gone. They opened his chest once to remove what was the matter: Indian head penny, old pocket watch, and a yellow cat's-eye marble. At night,...

Thanks guys. I accept the nom

A pump in his pocket keeps him alive; bilge of old seawater from a dying planet. He is ancient even in earth years. Everyone he's ever known in two worlds is gone. They opened his chest once to remove what was the matter: Indian head penny, old pocket watch, and a yellow cat's-eye marble. At night, ...

RC...good rewrite.I still say it's keeper.
I was alive during that era RC, not many of us left. If you arw satisfied with it, that is all that matters.

If I have your permission I would like ti nominate it for the pool of IBPC poems.

Yes beautiful.Im a bit stumped as to the slighlty varied repitition, but then, I just learned from MV what a cinqa whatever was last month.

RC, stanza breaks look great. IMHO the last stanza is the poem: presumably a group of draft age men with the desperate hope their sacrifice and incarceration are not in vain. Whatever precedes either buttresses this or detracts, merely because it comes at the end of the poem. My opinion is that 85% ...

I get it. Nicely stated without one being beaten about the head and shoulders.

I think there is a good story here, but I think it obscured by word choices that try too hard to sound clever.

A stanza break or two would help greatly

Again, the use of olde language truly sets this off. You've a flair for that.There is a timelessness in this. Could be today or a hundred years ago

Nicely done

A finely ctafted poem as is.

My personal "rule" is that if two or more people give the same crit, go with it.

I will set this aside. Thanks guys.

Thanks Frank

Bernie, you are so literate I don't know how your brain holds it all. Valid comments. Thanks coach:)