New York Pitch Conference Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, and Poetry Forums

1. Ieuan

Are you pleased with it Meena? I will let you find out any punctuation errors for yourself, make it a game that you must win. :) I think it is an improvement on the first draft. There are some changes you could make if you wish'd. There are short cuts in poetry that can tighten a poem and yet give t...

It will be very good when finished Meena, sorry to make you work so hard.

Remember Meena, we can only advise what we see, we make mistakes too

and it is your poem, you have to be satisfied with it.

It is your creation, your baby, no one can take it from you.

Still more work to do I'm afraid Meena. :) It is because you are writing seriously now, before it did not matter as you wrote for self. We need, in my mind, a climax to the poem. we need to know why she is crossing. her state of mind, has she achieved what she set out to accomplish. so you need to e...

I can say your writing has improved significantly this past month. As to grammar and English usage: s2 needs attention, commas needed please otherwise difficult for the reader. example: Allies push bottles up the Germans, or Allies push, bottles up the Germans. s5, silence rules may be better, your ...

Thanks Michael, I have taken up some of your suggestions.


Thanks to Siva for her comment and to Bob and Meena for the nomination.

Thanks Bob and Meena, you are gems.

'Hiraeth Moments in Old Bombay' I would be honoured.

I have withdrawn my poem in another board, I am now free.

Removed for submission

If it is about Van Gogh, and it seems it is, then his name should be in the title, or the title of one of his paintings.

The last two lines are fine with me, easy to understand - strive to forget. No disrespect meant to other comments. In other words so horrible we want to forget, so horrible we cannot forget hence strive. This is a very fine poem, Michael's comments brought it out much more for me. That Vietnam journ...

This isn't the workshopping thread else I would comment Bob.

I nominate Meenas17's: 'I am a Planter'

I suggest a new title and some editing for punctuation and grammar.

I nominate Bob Bradshaw's: 'To Have Your Eyesight is a Blessing'

Although I do feel he needs another title.

You are growing in confidence Meena,

Thanks for feedback.

Best wishes

Michael, my one suggestion is to place double line instead of one for the epigraph. My heart leaps up when I behold . . . The Child is father of the Man -- W. Wordsworth I/ a cosmos-eagle lands delivering a chosen astronaut of man he walks & talks bringing life to the dead planet leaping lunar crate...

It's early here

Thank you.

Something Bernie about this

wow, this is so unlike you Bob.

I love it, the colour, Japanese theme

and the shock of illness

and the blood red dead.

Well done, think I will nominate.

Yes, of course stick to your guns if you are right, only ride through the dust is a positive image, riding, winning, on top of You are attempting to show disparity so by right: struggle through the dust, founder, grapple, meander and so on. I am not trying to inflict on you my vision , but ask the q...

'She sees life with a vision her perception being different from the rest she looks at the stars when her peers ride through the dust.' I wonder if you could tidy this up, polish a little. She has a vision, a perception that looks to the stars; when her peers fix eyes in the dust. or words to that ...

This ending is much better:

Yes, much better, I love the Hindi quote;
it might be considered hackneyed in Hindi
but to us is original.

Meena, some suggestions, as usual discard or use as you wish,
or alternatively put into your own words the changes.

Suggest an epigraph:

'Ever drifting down the stream--
Lingering in the golden gleam--
Life, what is it but a dream?'
Lewis Carroll