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After the war, when the minefields were cleared, when the barbed wire had been rolled up from the beaches, our mothers packed lunches of strawberry jam and tomato sandwiches in grease-proof paper and the war time ration: a small bottle of orange juice, laid carefully in our boxes. We small children ...

Bernie That line about the radio I seem to remember something like this . . . The drifting clutter of low voices like a poorly tuned radio. The fading in and out [of voices] of an off station radio. For me this has always been such an evocative moment in your poems I have seen it in a number of film...

Her sundress clean and stiff
As a girl at Communion.

I like these two lines,
stiff with starch, stiff from ironing
clean, yes communion white,
purity, works for me, says enough
to evoke, quiet like that lovely girl.

Why not keep it.

I bought into the tumultuous woman as for a hurricane taking meds and having a photo taken 20 years before . . . I feel it would be better as a cameo of a real woman than a imaginery hurricane. Can they thravel from Africa to Puorto Rica, I wonder. For tumultuous i thought 'mixing it up' a bit flat ...

Sometimes poets tread heavily on reality Siva
but ahh the beauty of the poem makes us forget about reality.
Not always, but a lively poet can make us suspend judgement.

Meena you have a fascinating take on life and a love of words I would ask you to understand the meaning of the words you use. Are they logical, do they mean something, if so what and how do they relate to what you wish to impart. As a ramble it is succesful, but isn't there more you wish to tell us ...

This is a great poem, if only you practised critique you would learn so much more. The diamonds in the sky are like Amma’s ear studs. Practicing magicians, similar to the African witch doctors can detect 'black' specks of black in diamonds, class them faulty, trace madness to the evil in the gems th...

Yes, all the Irish I ever met were quite mad, even the ones I loved.

Theyv'e always been mad.

Ahh the radio fading in and out again yes, I've seen that in one of your poems and loved it, can't remember which one I am begining to see recurring themes in my fellow poets' work nothing wrong with that that's what we are made of. Prefer Dubonette to Dubonnets. I remember a television advertisemen...

https://www.theguardian.com/books/booksblog/2007/sep/05/bukowski

I think the poem has great potential.
Kenneth's take is good, take out the narrator's feelings
mayhbe overdone, it's old hat.
the description alone is making it work.

It's shaping up nicely Siva, keep at it.

iF YOU ARE HAVING TROUBLE FORMATING COULD YOU TRY using notepad
I use WORD, Bookman Old Style 10.

Kenneth, it looks like the last three have been decided: Billy, has your status changed? If your poem is still available & eligible, let us know in this thread. bernie has your status changed? If your poem is still available & eligible, let us know in this thread. Frank, has your status changed? If ...

I am going to contiue to work on this poem through September Bernie.
I want to make the story as succinct as possible
and as clear as possible
and possibly make it more poetic.
I think I have overemphasised in places.
I will try and incorporate your valid suggestions.

1. ieuan ap hywel 2. ieuanaphywel@aol.com 3. This poem is my own and original work 4. this poem is unpublished 5. I am not represented in this current IBPC 6. my poem is as follows: Corrected for for typos. Pot Belly Ruminations (1982) by Ieuan ap Hywel Workshop lights illumine his office, heat from...

Having seen flats from afar, I waited not willing to climb the construction ladders. Havind seen [insert definate article] flats from afar, I waited[comma], not willing to climb the [leave out the definate article] construction ladders. So you see the flats you intended to buy but paused before proc...

1. ieuan ap hywel
Moved to edit
End
note to Michael: is it possible to preserve the speech italics if the poem is elected to go forward.

Yes, my poems are always available for IBPC



I will post in thread soon.

Thanks Bernie
marvellous crit. really.

Makes me think more. I've made alterations,
I've squeeded in a bit of Welsh as you advised,
will think more throughout September.

Arglwydd Dyma Fi (I am coming Lord).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXXa2O4-4No

Sorry, Meena, I thought yoiu had no interest.

Keneth: Bernie has aleady accepted a Nom for: Wild Beast.

Meena has not responded to my nom and as it is the 1st September today
in the interest of surfacing, I remove my nom. Hope that helps the process
to narrow down to three.

Bernie has indicated a different poem for September is his prefered choice,
so I remove the nom for this poem.
Hope that helps.

Sorry Michael, I don't understand the word 'surfacing' in this contex
and am still unsure how the process works.
Should I have accepted the nod in this thread.

How are we supposed to consentrate on narrowing down to three
how does that process work.

Very funny Bob, the neighbour from hell only he was a genius, but so annoying.