Search found 181 matches

by IndianaDP
13 Aug 2018, 02:34
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 24715

Re: After Dinner- now Cast Iron

New revision, hopefully getting closer.
by IndianaDP
13 Aug 2018, 02:26
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Manimekalai
Replies: 5
Views: 10299

Re: Manimekalai

My lack of understanding regarding these customs is a great hinderance, but I can comprehend this woman’s passion for having a son and throwing herself deeply into whatever god she felt would help her the most.
by IndianaDP
13 Aug 2018, 02:18
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Mummer's Dance
Replies: 5
Views: 9911

Re: Mummer's Dance

I am blessed to not have experienced a violent childhood; as a result I find this story almost surreal. I think you have done a great job depicting the horrors of such a childhood, it helps me understand what others have endured, so good job; none-the-less, it is not the kind of poem I like to read,...
by IndianaDP
13 Aug 2018, 02:11
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Herrineren - Revised 10 August [with introductary passage]
Replies: 10
Views: 16954

Re: Herrineren - Revised 10 August

I recall commenting when the original version was posted that I needed more current details to help me see this old soldier and realize he was resurrecting horrible memories of war, his room, bedside table, attendants, the tension in the room. I find that while the new version does an excellent job ...
by IndianaDP
11 Aug 2018, 21:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 24715

Re: After Dinner

Thanks Bob, that may be a good solution.
by IndianaDP
11 Aug 2018, 01:59
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Van Gogh, The Move to St-Remy - revised
Replies: 7
Views: 12871

Re: Van Gogh, The Move to St-Remy - revised

Nicely done Bob. As others have said, such a complex figure, a major undertaking.
by IndianaDP
11 Aug 2018, 01:54
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: I am Not Myself Alone
Replies: 6
Views: 11429

Re: I am Not Myself Alone

Interesting concept, carried further-

and if you were agile and found your way to my brain and connected to my thoughts, you would be amazed, or offended, perhaps embarrassed or a little ashamed.

Enjoyed, very creative.
by IndianaDP
10 Aug 2018, 17:35
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 24715

Re: After Dinner

Hi Frank, thanks for your crit. I did battle with the word death, opting at first to go against my gut and for the sake of the reader include it, but after Michaels push deciding to cut it. The goose down coat for me is a symbol of time passed. In the 1980’s I owned such a coat, so having still hang...
by IndianaDP
06 Aug 2018, 20:48
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 24715

Re: After Dinner

Thanks Michael, I am posting a revision above that may address some of the issues.
by IndianaDP
06 Aug 2018, 02:29
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Progress Report From Molly
Replies: 10
Views: 15161

Re: Progress Report From Molly

Interesting story, the aging body dealing with therapy and medication. Thank God for that eclipse of breast and the Dewar’s. I wonder if the moons of S1 and the eclipse of the final S are one and the same. Never heard the term elephant-head.
by IndianaDP
06 Aug 2018, 02:20
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 24715

Re: After Dinner

Yes indeed Ken, I agree, I’m trying to show how aging people grow tired of fighting the battle, how optimism turns to pessimism, yet they are at peace with it.
by IndianaDP
06 Aug 2018, 02:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 24715

Re: After Dinner

Good call Bob, I am working on revisions and hope to post them in a few days.
by IndianaDP
06 Aug 2018, 02:16
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 24715

Re: After Dinner

Thanks Siva- I am indeed looking to reintroduce the beginning into the end.
by IndianaDP
03 Aug 2018, 19:21
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron
Replies: 17
Views: 24715

After Dinner- now titled- Cast Iron

2nd Revision- Cast Iron My orange goose down coat and loose fitting ball cap hang on a hook, obscuring a somber grey scarf worn by my father. Black beans and onions simmer in a pot, corn bread is covered with a red gingham towel. Steam fogs the stove clock. Time is an uncertain song, a monotone a gr...
by IndianaDP
03 Aug 2018, 19:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Gigging on the French Broad. Revised
Replies: 23
Views: 29532

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

Nice detail, I think I’m now well prepared to go gigging.
by IndianaDP
03 Aug 2018, 19:14
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Drones
Replies: 9
Views: 14853

Re: Drones

Hi Bob, it’s fun to become a bee in the hive, nicely done.
by IndianaDP
03 Aug 2018, 19:12
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Right After My Marriage
Replies: 5
Views: 9152

Re: Right After My Marriage

Nicely detailed narrative.
by IndianaDP
03 Aug 2018, 19:09
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Truly Me
Replies: 10
Views: 18423

Re: Truly Me

Nicely done Meena hope it does well in IBPC.
by IndianaDP
01 Aug 2018, 17:53
Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
Topic: IBPC May 2018 - Congratulatons Dale for a Deserved 2nd Place
Replies: 3
Views: 11095

Re: IBPC May 2018 - Congratulatons Dale for a Deserved 2nd P

Thanks Frank, I had forgotten about this until I saw Toni Clark mention it on Facebook.
by IndianaDP
01 Jun 2018, 14:24
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Shady Lane
Replies: 5
Views: 10406

Re: Shady Lane

Thanks to all, this one is in its infancy.

Frank, Lava is a brand name. I meant lights rise, but left it to the reader to connect the dots.
Yes capitals on GPS. I was actually going to say argue about nothing but felt some detail would be better.
by IndianaDP
31 May 2018, 20:27
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Shady Lane
Replies: 5
Views: 10406

Shady Lane

Darkness slips through rows of corn onto a street of small vinyl houses. On the horizon lights from the quarry, warm dusty rose. The night shift is deep in ganister rock. Dayworkers are home, scrubbed clean with green Lava and watching TV. A man in white boxers steps onto his porch, leans to the dar...
by IndianaDP
31 May 2018, 20:17
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Sunday in Golden Gate Park
Replies: 6
Views: 11688

Re: Sunday in Golden Gate Park

Very nice Bob,

I wonder perhaps, pennies instead of coins. Like Bernie I thought, Three Coins in a Fountain. For me that’s distracting, but perhaps this connection was your intent.
by IndianaDP
31 May 2018, 20:12
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Operetta Hero
Replies: 8
Views: 14645

Re: Operetta Hero

Hi Bernie, if that’s what it takes to be her hero, I’m out too, she sounds very needy, not open to honest criticism. I like those white shoes and dickie, reminds me of the 70’s. For me I want more.
by IndianaDP
31 May 2018, 20:06
Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
Topic: Marielitos
Replies: 7
Views: 12939

Re: Marielitos

Hi Kenneth, glad to read your work, a heart wrenching story. IMO, as a poem it needs to be tightened up, there are many great moments within your telling.