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A lot of good suggestions, Michael. I will use some of them. Thx

Thanks, Siva

Thanks, Michael... and to Siva for her suggestions

Thx, Siva... I simplified the poem. Let me know your thoughts.

V2: Boys of Summer A ball leaped past my glove like a hare through a hole in a hedge, runners circling the bases. Other fathers raced onto the field, the game over, chattering like infielders. My father sulked in the car behind tinted glass. There were only errors in 1960, the year I was given a bus...

This is a nom for sure, and I believe a winner... such a charmer...

Yes! Your revision is terrific.... love the ending

Thx, Eira

Thanks, Siva

The only difference is that the first version ended on "shared" instead of "discovered". Let me know which you prefer, shared or discovered, as the last line.

Thx, Michael.... discovered it is

Man on Moon How I've longed to be that woman folded within a man's arms that I always see at an airport. Others sweep by like water past a creek's stone. I stop and watch. My arms hold the emptiness of a sleepwalker as I gaze at the moon and wonder about the astronaut shuffling across its chalky sur...

I like this, especially the mix of song names intertwined in it. I think you have one too many descriptive lines though...I like this one the least...Taking it out would improve the poem. hungry lips mouthing frisky fingertips I like the poem's concept( an old one, but updated with the Facebook inte...

V2: Laika Don't do this, I whimpered. He held me squirming in his beefy hands. “Congrats, comrade, you’re now a cosmonaut.” For weeks I trained, circling in dizzying orbits around a centrifuge's roaring axis, my pounding heart furiously rattling its cage. I kept barking out my concerns but the engin...

I like this. I would replace "to be submerged and dead" with "to drown". I would add "the" before track. I would cut "I suppose". I have a question....Do the oxen actually walk across the water? Or through it? These are minor questions or nits. I like the closing couplet a lot. Although being picky ...

This is a terrific subject, Siva. Keep mining your rich culture. Stanza 1 is a lovely beginning, with a nice flow to it. It sets the table clearly. It says we can choose our next life...however, the second stanza muddles this idea...it seems to say we will simply extend whatever conflict we're in wh...

Thx, Suva.... I will use your suggestions. I have tweaked the piece. A poem drafted a few years back, that I wanted to work on...

The Darker Side of Watermelons Rows of watermelons dozed in bins, assured of their future as students on full scholarship. Days later they came crashing down. Witnesses leaped back as the watermelons wobbled left down a sloping road. We followed as they zigzagged for the beach. One man reported glan...

Eira, you need to post this on the nomination page for ibpc

Click the little exclamation point icon to edit it(you may need to login first to see it) on your post.

Siva, you have a typo...."very evening" s/b every evening. By the way, I really like what you have done with this poem....strong and poignant at the same time.

Maybe just add a comma at the end of the previous line.

1/Bob Bradshaw 2/bobbybradshw@yahoo.com 3the poem is my original 4/and unpublished work 5/and I don't have a poem committed to represent another board in the current IBPC. Sleeping on a Roof She brought me home from a reading, saying no poet should sleep so rough-- then trimmed my long hair. She wai...

Much, much better. The warmth comes through here....couple nits: This line is prosy. Can you simplify it? latent heat of water higher than that of milk Also Grandamma, she drank her coffee holding the cup with the tip of her sari. can you put a period after Grandmma, and Start a new sentence with "S...

I nominate Siva's "Black as the coal workers..." and Eira's "The Nestling".