Search found 131 matches
- 24 Oct 2019, 19:20
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Smelling the Roses
- Replies: 9
- Views: 16953
Re: Smelling the Roses
Fair enough, but we gotta start somewhere. First thing I've written in five years. =)
- 24 Oct 2019, 17:45
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Smelling the Roses
- Replies: 9
- Views: 16953
Smelling the Roses
When you finally realize
that smelling the roses
means finding thorns hidden
under the leaves
you no longer stop by the side of the road
to pick them
although, to be fair,
sometimes you do roll down the window
for just a whiff
as you speed on by
that smelling the roses
means finding thorns hidden
under the leaves
you no longer stop by the side of the road
to pick them
although, to be fair,
sometimes you do roll down the window
for just a whiff
as you speed on by
- 24 Oct 2019, 15:52
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Folkston, Georgia, 1960
- Replies: 9
- Views: 18123
Re: Folkston, Georgia, 1960
Billy, I agree, the last line might be one line too many.
You have to trust your reader to fill in the blanks, sometimes,
and by doing that they make the poem their own.
You have to trust your reader to fill in the blanks, sometimes,
and by doing that they make the poem their own.
- 24 Oct 2019, 15:48
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Someone Else's Hallelujah final revision
- Replies: 2
- Views: 6669
Re: Someone Else's Hallelujah final revision
oh much much better.
- 24 Oct 2019, 15:46
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: A Maze I Am In
- Replies: 9
- Views: 17596
Re: A Maze I Am In
Agreed. The tenses and language need to be attended to, as well.
retinue/keeps not retinue-keep
"even lesser closely taken note with timings' simply doesn't compute
I'd say we need to know where you're coming from with this to know where
you're headed...
retinue/keeps not retinue-keep
"even lesser closely taken note with timings' simply doesn't compute
I'd say we need to know where you're coming from with this to know where
you're headed...
- 24 Oct 2019, 06:10
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Poet as Goldfish in a Pet Store
- Replies: 13
- Views: 21903
Re: Poet as Goldfish in a Pet Store
Someone reminded me once, quite sharply, that philosophical questions that take a reader nowhere are more distracting than helpful in a poem. Make it a statement, or don't make it. And it has to make sense, in a realistic way, that when you enter the world of a goldfish you are working in a very sma...
- 24 Oct 2019, 05:49
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Neighbors
- Replies: 9
- Views: 17253
Re: Neighbors
Thanks, Frank. These are old(er) poems, but they've never been through the revision wringer and there is no way to know outside of my own spidey-sense about them, if they work or not. I'm pacing myself, yes, and thank you for the reminder. I like to see a busy board, it means things are churning, an...
- 23 Oct 2019, 17:12
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Neigbour
- Replies: 2
- Views: 7608
Re: Neigbour
Too long, too wordy. Basically it's a short story with linebreaks. I'd cut out the explanations and digressions, the medical asides. There's a poem in here, but it's kinda hidden. =) Just keep it to the neighbors, short and limited. ask yourself, does this move the poem further along or are we just ...
- 23 Oct 2019, 06:27
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Someone's Hallelujah (revised(
- Replies: 10
- Views: 17434
Re: Someone's Hallelujah
I like the last two stanzas, the first two don't really seem to belong
to the rest. The word "gratuitous" rears its ugly head...
Maybe no comma after "rooms".
I love the image of "someone's hallelujah struggles to rise",
that could be a dynamite first line. =)
to the rest. The word "gratuitous" rears its ugly head...
Maybe no comma after "rooms".
I love the image of "someone's hallelujah struggles to rise",
that could be a dynamite first line. =)
- 23 Oct 2019, 05:40
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Neighbors
- Replies: 9
- Views: 17253
Re: Neighbors
aww. thanks. It's been years since I've done anything with this stuff,
and while I'm not writing much now, I can still appreciate what other people do.
And enjoying the tango doesn't go away just because you can't dance anymore,
does it. Nor should it.
and while I'm not writing much now, I can still appreciate what other people do.
And enjoying the tango doesn't go away just because you can't dance anymore,
does it. Nor should it.
- 23 Oct 2019, 00:09
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Pay At Your End
- Replies: 6
- Views: 12337
Re: Pay At Your End
nice flow, meenas. two nits: "command-like" is a combo word, it takes a dash.
the other, "twenty and so years" reads better as "twenty or so years".
the other, "twenty and so years" reads better as "twenty or so years".
- 22 Oct 2019, 22:25
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Neighbors
- Replies: 9
- Views: 17253
Re: Neighbors
I think chapbooks are wonderful, but it also takes a huge amount of creative energy to get one together. Maybe this winter, i''ll give it another go. Just nag me, okay...=) (Siva, no poem is truly fictional, there's always (at least for me) a bit of my own marrow and skin in it) Glad you like it, Bo...
- 22 Oct 2019, 19:39
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Neighbors
- Replies: 9
- Views: 17253
Neighbors
Neighbors Your windows face mine across the street I see your curtains open in the morning when I open mine to let the light in and on good summer days our windows lie open all day to catch the air In the afternoon sometimes I see you walking home from work and know what kind of day its been from th...
- 22 Oct 2019, 04:48
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Armageddon Day
- Replies: 6
- Views: 11867
Re: Armageddon Day
sorry hon. sometimes I get carried away
- 22 Oct 2019, 03:10
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Armageddon Day
- Replies: 6
- Views: 11867
Re: Armageddon Day
I like this, it reads like a very old medieval chant...
however.
I think it might scan better if you eliminated the "a" in the second line,
and added "Summoning" instead summon to the third one. Read it out loud.
See if it works better.
however.
I think it might scan better if you eliminated the "a" in the second line,
and added "Summoning" instead summon to the third one. Read it out loud.
See if it works better.
- 21 Oct 2019, 16:50
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me — revised
- Replies: 13
- Views: 24335
Re: Emily Dickinson, Marry Me — revised
It might be time to put it away for a few days, let it marinate, and then come back to it.
Too easy to overwork it, and lose what you have in the process.
Too easy to overwork it, and lose what you have in the process.
- 21 Oct 2019, 16:46
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Folkston, Georgia, 1960
- Replies: 9
- Views: 18123
Re: Folkston, Georgia, 1960
Or a slightly different spin: "how grateful/ those other folks are/-- or should be."
- 21 Oct 2019, 02:05
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Folkston, Georgia, 1960
- Replies: 9
- Views: 18123
Re: Folkston, Georgia, 1960
The truth dressed up in a fine poem. This one hurts, doesn't it.
- 20 Oct 2019, 18:29
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Beethoven's Rage Over a Lost Penny
- Replies: 10
- Views: 17712
Re: Beethoven's Rage Over a Lost Penny
Oh, this is elegant. It just slides down the page, no stumbles. Bravo, bravo.
(I do think "on the floor" gives a better meaning than "in". Suddenly I see him trapped between floorboards...)
(I do think "on the floor" gives a better meaning than "in". Suddenly I see him trapped between floorboards...)
- 20 Oct 2019, 16:11
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: fugitive
- Replies: 9
- Views: 18465
Re: fugitive
Thanks Siva. No, I don't, but it's always nice to hear, anyway.
- 20 Oct 2019, 05:16
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Congrats to both of you IBPC
- Replies: 1
- Views: 8813
Congrats to both of you IBPC
Two really excellent poems, and I congratulate both of you for whisking away first and second place.
Bravo, bravo. Both poems, very powerful. Hugs to you both...
Bravo, bravo. Both poems, very powerful. Hugs to you both...
- 20 Oct 2019, 03:01
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: fugitive
- Replies: 9
- Views: 18465
Re: fugitive
Done and done. That's why I leave it wide open to interpretation (evil grin there)--we all get to put in our own sinister thoughts. I read it as the old boyfriend coming back after too long away after the row to end all rows-- and she threw him out--or he walked-- now he's back to try to make up. On...
- 19 Oct 2019, 19:09
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: New Year’s Eve
- Replies: 5
- Views: 12478
Re: New Year’s Eve
yep, love the neat reaization, that 'waittt a minnit..." feeling, and the end...
- 19 Oct 2019, 17:09
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Letter
- Replies: 7
- Views: 14865
Re: The Letter
MV, thank you. NOW I know what the title means. Always did wonder about that.
- 19 Oct 2019, 17:03
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: fugitive
- Replies: 9
- Views: 18465
Re: fugitive
Thanks, MV: I didn't add in any reasons why, I wanted to let the reader fill in their own blanks. Too much information can sometimes push the reader away, as a viewer, rather than a participant. I do like "pulled away slowly" and the amazingly subtle difference. It seems much more sinister. fugitive...