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We all have our dreams, Frank. This is a lovely, dreamy poem. It sits under a permanent blue sky Perhaps a more precise shade of blue here with white cirrus clouds that remind one of pillowcased foam on the azure of the Aegean Sea. Lovely descriptions here At the sunny front are doors that lead to ...

A Fascinating poem, Meena! Vivid in memory Muni pinches me through the day, while in Kindergarten. A vivid memory indeed She has sharp nails, plunges them into the skin till my arm turns red. Excruciating. My eyes glisten with tears. Callous, shows her incisive nails with pride. Quieter I become. I...

I second Dale's Fusions, Siva's Appa Took me and Michael's Celebrating a 53rd Anniversary


Good luck!
Eira

Happy Xmas

Well done, Ken - a well deserved 3rd place.

Eira

IndianaDP wrote: ↑

21 Dec 2018, 02:21

I like the shorter line lengths Bob suggests.

Me too!
Eira

Hi Bob, Thank you for your inspirational thoughts on this. I have had a real 'block' revising, but your thoughts have given me lots to think on. Yes, the shorter lines are definitely better and I think one of my problems is that the way I've written it sounds a bit like a report. I doubt I'll revise...

SivaRamanathan wrote: ↑

19 Dec 2018, 05:32

Read this. There are many words that are new to me,but I get the overall triumph of the poem.

Hi Siva, I think I have a few revisions to go with this yet

Eira

Beautiful poem - great word choices. I absolutely love the last stanza.

Eira

I agree, there is tremendous atmosphere in this beautiful poem. I would only question whether you need 'And' at the beginning of Stanza 3 - but I am nit picking as I can find nothing to crit.

Eira

You have worked hard revising this Siva and with each revision I see great improvements - well done!

Eira

a makeover - not sure about it!

Thanks for the nomination, Bob. I have made many revisions on this so I hope it still meets with your approval. Here is my info, should it be chosen. My name: Eira Needham Email is: presentideaseira@hotmail.com This is my original poem and hasn't been published elsewhere This is my final revision In...

Thanks for the nomination, Bob. I have made many revisions on this so I hope it still meets with your approval. Here is my info, should it be chosen. My name: Eira Needham Email is: presentideaseira@hotmail.com This is my original poem and hasn't been published elsewhere This is my final revision In...

Kenneth2816 wrote: ↑

19 Nov 2018, 03:05

Some very nice word choices. Good solid imagery. Nice

Thanks Ken. I have decided to revise (reasons above in reply to Bob) Hope it works for you.

Eira

I like this a lot...you capture the landscape well, and imaginatively Love the close: We waltz in a whirlwind of copper and lime foliage flurrying across baked terrain. East wind blasts a spangled rime - vaporizing into brume. Hi Bob I'm glad that you like this. I have revised this weekend. I felt ...

Revision Indian Summer slips through the haze. Sudden breath on my cool face; the flush of warmth bewilders, swallows linger in brittle reeds. Shadows dance as light dwindles. Teasing sighs, a kiss before we tango with a flurry of lime and copper across appliqued lawns. East wind blasts, a spangled ...

You have a great story telling ability, Frank. This one is filed with beautiful imagery. I also love the local slang which makes this quite original. I feel I am in the poem as I read. So many lines to like. The lemon washed boathouse just drew me in.


Eira

I love this one Bob, especially the word play here:

when I got home, the rug
by the tub wet
as if you had just
stepped out.

Eira

I love your revision, Meenas. This is well written and held my interest all through. The ending is superb. I like a poem ending in a feeling of hope.

Eira

BobBradshaw wrote: ↑

17 Oct 2018, 02:04

What about “Jason’s excitement like a lit firecracker’s”?

Sorry I'm so late replying again, Bob. Thanks for this other suggestion - I think this is nearer the mark. I'll change the last line now.

Eira

maybe replace the last line with something like this?.... a zebra nodding as she trots in I do quite like your suggestion, Bob, although it gets away from my intention. You see, when Jason heard everyone cheering him on he leapt up with excitement. Perhaps I can come up with something else. Thanks ...

Sweet poem. I don't write very many sweet poems. Maybe one or two. It's hard to do and not be sappy. You've done a good job. I do think the final line may be verging on sappy. But what do I know. Sorry I am to be so late answering. Billy. I'm afraid I write many sweet poems and have to pull myself ...

A short poem with much to say - I like it!

Eira

Kenneth2816 wrote: ↑

02 Oct 2018, 22:53

Eira this is poignant. There are many good lines and it is a triumphant poem

Thank you Ken

Eira