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I can't add much more to Bob's comments.

so to Hell with him! We have to accept negative reviews in a positive way, Caleb. We may not like a review but we should accept it on the premises that it is an honest review of our work and respect that view unless it is a beastly rely. And they may be right, and on the other hand they may be wron...

I might steal it, Bob, use it myself.

Like this. Very good.

And here I am sleeping
on a roof of a rich hotel,
a thin cloud
my blanket,
the moon hovering over me
as if I’ve grown feverish
under her watch./quote]

You have to stick to you guns, Caleb.
If you really believe in something then that is what you should do.
All we ca do is make comments.

I've sent it off Bob, without much hope.
I can always cut back later.
This is a 'found' poem and I am using, in the main,
the protagonists words i.e. Yarden Roman-Gat.

I am hoping to complete one next year Bob.
A mix, some from here, some from the other forum, and some from poems
that I wrote before I joined here and published myself for friends.
I may ask you and Michael to write a preface.

Trophy of War Christmas (2023) https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/world-middle-east-67755515 19th December 2023 Found ‘O hush tumult, ye men of strife, and hear the angels sing.’ Hymn by: Edmund Hamilton Sears (1810-1876), It Came Upon the Midnight Clear. Yarden Roman-Gat, an adult married woman was abdu...

Okay, fine, I write mostly narrative too. Bob often tells me to cut. The virtue of a prose narrative poem is that it explains a lot but it can be overdone. The pleasure is often found in the plot, the story if you like. Economy of words is important though as it isn't prose per se. Shock is the reas...

Poem will be published in January 2024 All published poems will be reposted after publication on the Writer's Block where I served my writing apprenticeship being tutored by Bernie Henrie and Bob Bradshaw who gave unstinting service. My thanks also to other poets who have helped. My thanks also to b...

This Poem will be published in March 2024

It's been accepted for publishing, Michael. Should be out in April 2024

My first thought is wordy, with too many asides
and explanations. But it is an interesting last stanza.
1. How did he choose a painless death
2. what did he do to hasten his own death
3. and why did he choose to die at all.

Haha, Bob - that's a thought. I walked into the computer room my high heels clicking buttoned up my blouse to hide my camisole so as not to inflame the young men Too many men lolling about and one big guy loading screens up on a table Just messing about like kids do He turned his gaze on me, 'Hello,...

I will work on it Michael, I did enjoy my first draft very much.
It wasn't really a five foot Japanese woman as N, Bob, but it could have been.

Thanks Bob, I was joking around. I did enjoy writing this poem.

I guess the Big Guy learned that the old adage, The Bigger they are, the harder they fall, is true.

Yes, ironic reaction is correct.

I actually thought dry twig was my original, and the jelly. Strange how these clichés become part of us. Yes, I just wanted to give the reason for the bouncy floor, it could go, I agree. I am the most reasonable of people. The thought that I come over as an hairy ape shocks me I mean I only ever str...

Hi Caleb,

I'm saying N and the poet are not related.
The Gender of N is not mentioned
It's not an autobiographical poem by the author
Parts of the poet's life may have crossed over in some of my poems.

Thanks again for entering into the spirit of workshopping.
ieuan

I will whittle it down Bob, thanks, it'll take me some time. Thanks Caleb. N could be a slight placid sort of gal or a gentle academic who wouldn't normally hurt a fly who wears pinz nez glasses and has a light limp from the war caused by falling down stairs, she served in logistics as a clerk and n...

Journal Entry Conceit 16 December 2023 I walked into the computer room The big guy was there again Messing about with his mates egging him on Piling the V.D.U.’s on one table I couldn’t settle down to some work The lecturers in the opposite room ignored the kid, overweight and full of self full of v...

He could say, 'While a red tulip opens its mouth.' [Present tense]

I agree with the poem's sentiments, we should strive to become
better poets but more than that, better people. Falling leaves
remind us that we too have a limited life span allotted to us
and that all this will come to an end soon enough and we will
return from whence we came, to the earth.

Yeah, why are you breaking on the black, Bob?

Caleb, we don't need all this apologising or arguing over comments. We're not here to agree or debate. You've set the poem on the board. We thrash it and trash it or give accolades You say thanks. End of story. I've been told I'm a cunt. That's critiquing at its worse. No point worrying about it. ie...

I tend to agree with Bob, it is unnecessary wordy, something Bob points out in my work pretty regularly. I've known Bob for a number of years and he is the least offensive poet on here. As a draft it's okay, but you could cut. How you cut is up to you. I don't think the guy in the poem was being off...