This is clever and fun. However, it works best as an outline for a parody poem, the details needing to be filled in. I’m surprised you recall the old astronauts poem.
By the way, I enjoyed your parody in the Nutritionist stream. Your sense of humor is delicious.
Search found 2683 matches
- 13 Jan 2024, 00:35
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: International Astronomical Union - Language to Inflame Politically Sensitive - Hand Wringers - Woke
- Replies: 6
- Views: 1288
- 12 Jan 2024, 22:39
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: A Poem from Simon
- Replies: 2
- Views: 1134
Re: A Poem from Simon
I don’t know this poet’s work, but this piece is pretty ragged. The Robert Lowell stanza is poorly written. Why did you post this? And why did you call it an excellent poem? Just curious
- 12 Jan 2024, 22:30
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Nutritionist
- Replies: 21
- Views: 2699
Re: The Nutritionist
Ha! There are some very odd things being said in this stream, but the oddest is someone not liking Keats! The mysteries of life….lol
- 12 Jan 2024, 22:09
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: In Love with a Woman in her Later Years
- Replies: 14
- Views: 8915
Re: In Love with a Woman in her Later Years
I hope Bernie is back among us!
Sorry, I seem to have missed your poem…
Sorry, I seem to have missed your poem…
- 11 Jan 2024, 07:37
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Nutritionist
- Replies: 21
- Views: 2699
Re: The Nutritionist
Advice....Never fill a line just for the sake of filling it.... Whatever goes there has to have a compelling reason to be there... A short line is much better than one with filler.
Are you counting feet? Or something else? Just curious...
Are you counting feet? Or something else? Just curious...
- 11 Jan 2024, 06:46
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Nutritionist
- Replies: 21
- Views: 2699
Re: The Nutritionist
I would take out the "(of course)". It isn't needed. That's my only nit. It's a good poem to send out.
- 11 Jan 2024, 05:57
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Nutritionist
- Replies: 21
- Views: 2699
Re: The Nutritionist
I am delighted by this poem.
- 10 Jan 2024, 22:50
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Death of an Armed Guard (version 2)
- Replies: 20
- Views: 4478
Re: Death of an Armed Guard (version 2)
“Show, don’t tell” isn’t a rule. It’s a general guideline meant to be helpful. There are no rules here. You can just ignore that guideline. As Ieuan said, this is a critique forum. If you don’t want constructive criticism, write “No critique” in each post’s heading. There are many fine poems written...
- 10 Jan 2024, 07:45
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Death of an Armed Guard (version 2)
- Replies: 20
- Views: 4478
Re: Death of an Armed Guard (version 2)
“Birches” is filled with outstanding imagery. The imagery complements what commentary there is brilliantly. Without the details and similes no one would remember this poem. Commenting on something via imagery is another form of “showing”, instead of telling. “Show, not tell” is what this forum advis...
- 09 Jan 2024, 22:12
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Death of an Armed Guard (version 2)
- Replies: 20
- Views: 4478
Re: Death of an Armed Guard (version 2)
The ending is better. I won’t repeat my earlier comments. We can agree to disagree about what makes a good poem.
- 09 Jan 2024, 04:16
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The New Year's Fish
- Replies: 5
- Views: 1671
Re: The New Year's Fish
Thanks, Billy
- 09 Jan 2024, 04:15
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Pilot Whale
- Replies: 5
- Views: 1463
Re: The Pilot Whale
Thanks, Ieuan. Climate change and the disasters it’s causing are scary.
- 08 Jan 2024, 21:57
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Pilot Whale
- Replies: 5
- Views: 1463
Re: The Pilot Whale
No, it’s about a beached pilot whale.
- 08 Jan 2024, 21:57
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The New Year's Fish
- Replies: 5
- Views: 1671
Re: The New Year's Fish
Thanks for commenting
- 08 Jan 2024, 03:38
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The Pilot Whale
- Replies: 5
- Views: 1463
The Pilot Whale
The Pilot Whale I was on a beach that scraped the side of a wilderness. I grabbed her tail and yanked but it swung up like a play yard swing, an uppercut that sent me sprawling. She lay on her side the whole time I threw buckets of water onto her. Her jaw jostled. I've seen a dying stork, its bill o...
- 07 Jan 2024, 22:02
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Sick Dog
- Replies: 3
- Views: 1205
Re: Sick Dog
I like these lines…. I like the playfulness here. Comedy is often the best way to talk seriously. A good way to write slant poetry. Chills, no fever unless the thermometer's lying. It's all a lie right now. I was grateful a half-a-day ago. Cough, cough, cough! Where's this going, back and forth betw...
- 06 Jan 2024, 22:33
- Forum: Writer's Block Palaver
- Topic: Ieuan Published -AutumSkyPoetryDaily - In Love with Woman in her Later Years
- Replies: 19
- Views: 25955
Re: Ieuan - Published
Congratulations on your Christmas in Wales poem! It’s lush with beautiful writing.
- 05 Jan 2024, 06:05
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: I Don't Give You Any Answers
- Replies: 3
- Views: 1613
Re: I Don't Give You Any Answers
You write well about tough subjects. Who could write those last lines better than you do? What power in just 4 words: “The cook won’t tell.”
Father in the basement with the salad girl.
The cook won't tell. No one needs to tell.
I've heard the puppy squealing all these years.
Father in the basement with the salad girl.
The cook won't tell. No one needs to tell.
I've heard the puppy squealing all these years.
- 05 Jan 2024, 06:01
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: The New Year's Fish
- Replies: 5
- Views: 1671
The New Year's Fish
The New Year's Fish As ice clinks in my glass of ice tea I look out on the Pacific. It's New Year's, and what's wrong with being optimistic? I'm like a fat man in a house of mirrors: No matter where I look I see myself as I'll be in the future, slimmed down, like a trout. My plate’s fish, his head a...
- 03 Jan 2024, 07:39
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: My absence
- Replies: 3
- Views: 1401
Re: My absence
No worries. We often as individuals go for weeks or longer without participating. We all have lives away from workshopping....
- 31 Dec 2023, 22:24
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Welsh Englyn Form in the English Language
- Replies: 4
- Views: 1115
Re: Welsh Englyn Form in the English Language
Indeed!! Happy New Year! Sweep out the bad spirits before you go to bed tonight …
- 31 Dec 2023, 05:24
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: William Davenant. Shakespeare Was More Than Godfather To Me
- Replies: 6
- Views: 1393
Re: William Davenant. Shakespeare Was More Than Godfather To Me
It is better, thanks to your help. I can't think you enough....have a good New Year's Eve!
- 31 Dec 2023, 02:54
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: William Davenant. Shakespeare Was More Than Godfather To Me
- Replies: 6
- Views: 1393
Re: William Davenant. Shakespeare Was More Than Godfather To Me
Revised...thanks, Ieuan. Much appreciated....
- 31 Dec 2023, 02:36
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: William Davenant. Shakespeare Was More Than Godfather To Me
- Replies: 6
- Views: 1393
Re: William Davenant. Shakespeare Was More Than Godfather To Me
I like some of your suggestions….let me think about a revision
- 31 Dec 2023, 01:44
- Forum: Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang
- Topic: Drives and Driveways
- Replies: 4
- Views: 1067
Re: Drives and Driveways
Kudos for sticking with your project….