New York Pitch Conference Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, and Poetry Forums

Hi everybody and thanks for all the help received.
I've now cut out the alien herds, cloven hooves, etc.

Tweaked something else, that I'd forgotten the first time round.

Any more paring down, anybody?

Best, Gracy

Thank you, Bob. I'll continue to revise.

Frank, thanks for your quoting instructions. I'll try them out, have to leave now.

Best, Gracy

Hi Bernie, Yes, it's a mysterious poem. In my case, it brings memories of Casablanca, a movie I've seen about a zillion times. I can see Humphrey Bogart sitting at that table, smoking a cigarette, then perhaps sadly viewing the town from the balustrade. Off to the casino, to forget about his unfortu...

Flying non stop for fourteen hours, is a drain and a strain. legs ache,t he hip pleads. I stand, pause, sit shift the legs, the cramp turns unbearable.Ouch! the muscles stiffen. I fall asleep, awake as the plane bumps, the head knocks against the co passenger. The pain is beyond. He frowns and mumb...

I must be doing something wrong when I use the quote option. For some reason my answer with quote appears as a new reply, which is not my intention. Makes for repetition, which is not my intent.
Any help on that?
Tx, Gracy

Kenneth2816 wrote:There may be two poems here

Well, Ken, that might be true of a lot of my poems. I tend to make them long... my bad!

I'll take your comment into account... whew... Not going to work on that now, but I won't forget.

Tx a lot,
Gracy

Gracy, really have to say I like bernie's pared down version. I agree that what keeps me in this poem is the couple and their story. It is beautiful and actually says more about Patagonia than all the descriptions. OK, I get the message, Billy. I'll continue to pare it down, not right now as I have...

G--- i love your poem but now make a suggestion you will hate. cut the verses dealing with the live stock. Over in our orchard, shrouded, gashed trees lean on shed and ploughs. Mother Earth is thirsty, ochre, prematurely wrinkled; an old hag, her countenance tense as the skin of a kultrún. * Trampl...

I can tell you care very much about this poem. Thank you for the annotation. Yes, I care about my poem, as well as this area where I was raised. At least my childhood. My Dad sent me to a small rural school about 5kms from home. We all walked or cycled to school. Horse riding is not common on small...

Thank you all for your suggestions. I've removed some lines and changed words, picked from all you've offered.
Then, of course, I did my own tweaking, can't help it. I may return to re-arrange lines that appear too short now.
Best,
Gracy

Hi Frank, Enjoyed. With some reservations. S1 sounds a bit contradictory, I can't seem to grasp whether the beach (a shame you've had to use the same term twice, maybe you could fit in "seaside" somehow) is empty and quiet, or loud. The lovers seek quietness, they'd find that around the dunes... LOL...

Hi Billy, I'm pretty new here, so I've been taking time to peek around, get an idea of what poets are writing. Neither am I familiar with many of the issues, people, places, etc., that are included in many poems. I live in S. America. I've enjoyed your piece, it's deftly written, without flowery lan...

Hi Ken, Thank you as well for your comments. The characters in my poem are colonists from Europe, trying to adapt to conditions living in Argentine Patagonia. Serious conditions mainly due to the introduction of sheep and goats in huge numbers. The cloven hooves damage the land, and these herds nibb...

Hi Frank, Thank you for your kind welcome to Writer's Block workshop. And for having noticed my two HM's! I've read your suggestions thoroughly and will certainly use some of them when I revise and/or tweak. All ideas, questions, etc., are welcome, though I confess that I'm a bit lazy about revision...

Hi Bob, Enjoyed this one. To me, it comes over as if dog and owner become as one "jilted being". "Her house" could just as well be the house where a pretty poodle is on heat! It's absolutely impossible to pull a dog away from such a situation... LOL. Love the references to Mozart and a songbird, pos...

A poem that portends the coming of death. Depressing, the dog howls as if his master is already in the grave. These death poems of yours are not helping me Billy. :) [Wow Gracy has graced us by joining, welcome Gracy, so nice to see you here hope you settle in and flourish. Why not bring Eira with ...

Revision 2 Dust Storm My man is pitched through the door by blasts from the steppes. Out there, scrub and cactus land, Mother Earth’s womb has been ripped open, birthing grit, sorrow and death. Noonday sun has relinquished power. Gloom is ushered in by a maelstrom of dust. Tumbleweed scratches wind...

Hi Siva, I've read some of your poems before. I love getting to know other countries by way of poets' imagery and word usage. This one is no exception. I understand that Amma is an elderly person housed in a government project, not quite finished. She uses a walker, very slowly. The reader is allowe...

Hi, The short lines provoke startling thoughts in this reader. Somebody has fallen and knocked over a vase. As is customary, N attempts to collect the pieces, but the fall appears to have been due to a physical event, maybe lack of oxigen to the brain due to that carotid artery in the neck. The titl...