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I like Frank's suggestions....and more tightening can be done in 'The weave...' stanza...since this poem has so much potential, and so much good writing already, we might as well customize its wear as much as possible....I'll drop back to look later....thx

Meena, Bernie --thx ...so glad it works.
Frank, I'm glad you like the ending....wasn't sure it worked well enough

Kenneth, thanks--
Frank, thx for the suggestions...I'll take you up on a couple...best

Half Moon Bay Dogs race to greet Sonny. They exchange deep throated barks of affection. Then they’re off-- running up the beach. They sprint short distances like a volleyball team back and forth. Or roll in dunes in a twisting pile like rugby players. Many people are determined never to be happy. Bu...

OH, this shortened version is so good! Really marvelous writing here...send it out. Good writing makes my day...thank you.

You write at times beautifully in this...I love these lines: I kill the drive motor, tie down the brake and call my errant crew who loll and yawn around camel-dung fires, sipping coffee served from ornate pewter pots. If I were given the gift of this poem, I would break it into several poems...givin...

Bernie, Frank, Meena -- I am happy you enjoyed this. Thank you

Mozart on the Road Good musicians must be as hard to find as llamas in Paris. Tonight I endured another dreary pianist. His technique? Rolling his eyes…. his body lurching from side to side. One should play the way a painter works… with lights and shadows. No, he played as if his hands were strapped...

I really like the way you create these characters, with such voices! I don't think you need the last stanza....but anyway, you put us right there, we feel the heat, see the sparks....the energy....

This is beautiful, exquisite imagery throughout...the ending is just pitch perfect right....only maybe Ja Da should be Ja-da? I'm not sure....but anyway, I am impressed as hell with your quick, but dazzling brushstrokes....my favorite stanzas: Deck chairs hold our sultry wives. Birds turn in the clo...

I love how you flirt with the reader, teasing us with the human qualities of your gecko...the opening is so strong...it's a very engaging piece.

was smitten by your freckled face
and slender form, but not fooled
by your innocent appearance.

One of your best poems....Bernie's covered the ground, but I just want to say congrats as well....I would cut these lines as unnecessary, but don't dwell on this one criticism...the logic and imagery and warmth of this poem is remarkable They rise up to a level not too high, exhibit a proportionate ...

I like all the imagery, all the stanzas...and the closing is terrific. A+ grade on this one.....very professional

World class, brilliant poem! I love and savor every word, every image, every sound...

Congrats, Bernie! You deserved recognition for such a gorgeous piece...best

Powerful poem! Everything is superb. Memorable ending....Kudos

A lovely, quiet and moving poem....I really liked the stellar ending:

I first saw Max in a dream-chase, the tabby scurries
from Sheba’s shady grave. Now he rests beside her.

Seedtime rays and drizzle foster apple blossoms to unfurl
today; narcissi gently waver where heads once bowed.

I like the Beat feel of the poem....especially these lines:

ain't comin' back
gonna herd sheep
climb mountains
high-tailin'-it
to who-knows-where
anywhere
but where i've been
been holdin'
a fistful of air
ain't holdin' it
any longer
ridin' concrete trails
across america
fenced farms

Terrific ending

Cornflower eyes is one...but not a big deal. I suggest you cut the following line...it's rather flat. But otherwise I like the poem...bob

Expressions, inflections purely feminine

Some lovely writing here, Linda....the opening lines just gorgeous: Let us walk, hand in hand, when shadows stretch across the land like a black cat waking from its lethargy. but there are other shimmering lines as well, like Night saturated with silences. The closing, though poetic, works well for ...

Gracy, Linda -- thanks very much for your encouragement and good feel for this poem...best, Bob

I like the poem, but there are too many cliches...obviously you meant to pile them on in the beginning, but fewer would work better and get us more quickly into the heart of the poem..."Marilyn was my creation..."

There are so many good descriptions in this draft, Frank. Just get your big shears out and pare so the imagery stands out clearer. The old saying, 'less is more', applies. And I agree with Bernie, a strong ending is needed for this warm, sweet poem. One example of paring: you have a lot of descripti...

Kenneth--thanks for your honest assessment, and suggestions. Constructive criticism is always welcomed

Bernie--wow, thanks for the sensitive reading and kind words

Capricorn--thank you for commenting...best