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I like biblical poems.To my ear, phrases like "whisper of doubt" and "window of light" tend a bit to cliche and disallow a chance to set this piece off. I'm not sure cryptocrystalline adds anything, but it sounds neat. I'd consider the God who laughs instead of He. This is a fairly straightforward t...

I like the compression.I like the combination of mental pictures coupled with the emotion this evokes. I might suggest changing son to boy, and father to daddy. A kid like that prolly would not use the more formal term. I like how you DONT include to whom the boy is speaking. This allows the kids an...